What do you call an indecisive potato?
- A hesitater.
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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night - I should have put it on aloha setting.
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The only thing Flat-Earthers have to fear, is sphere itself.
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I’d like to thank the sidewalks, for keeping me off the streets.
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Experience the New Era of Online Poker with PokerStars on FanDuel #United_States #New_York #FanDuel #PokerStars #online_poker
I went to the barber and said, "I want a haircut like Tom Cruise." They gave me a booster seat.
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A lion would never drive under the influence, but a Tiger Wood.
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What do you call a dog who meditates?
- Aware wolf.
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I told a joke on a zoom meeting, but nobody laughed. Turns out, I'm not even remotely funny..
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Never yell into a colander, you'll strain your voice!
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Camisa 10 do Santos se tornou assunto após dedicar mais de 16h do fim de semana à competição em meio ao controle de carga no Santos
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I'm so old, I remember when emotes were called hieroglyphs.
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Did you know: mayonnaise is just sandwich lotion.
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Why do pirates carry swords? Because swords can’t walk..
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What does a hot dog use for protection?
- Condoments!
WRECKFEST WEDNESDAY! (starts at 7p PT)
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How do you make a pirate furious?
- You take away the P.
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Friendly heads up: the grass being greener on the other side, may be due to septic tank issues.
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I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
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What do you call a Roman with a cold?
- Julius Sneezer.
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What's the difference between me and a park bench?
- A park bench can support a family of four.
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I came home from work and saw my kids had been on eBay all day - if they're still on there in the morning, I'll lower the price..
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I've started a dating site for chickens - it's not my full time job - I'm just doing it to make hens meet.
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What does an Escalator do when it stops working?
- Nothing - it just stairs.
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The worst pub I've ever been to was called "The Fiddle". It was a vile inn.
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What do you give the guy that has everything?
- Penicillin.
HAPPY HUMP DAY! Stay safe!
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I tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th century American literature last night. I ended up with tequila mocking bird.
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What do you call a man, with no arms and legs, in a hot tub?
- Bob!
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Ok, let‘s Go! #poker #pokerstars #scoop