The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

1 month ago

Boxes, booze, and bad decisions Journal of Yoofi Akerman – Thursday, 11:42 PM I hate Thursdays. They’re predictable in their unpredictability. The city smells of wet asphalt, takeout, and the faintest hint of someone’s life choic…

Boxes, booze, and bad decisions

I hate Thursdays. They’re predictable in their unpredictability.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

1 month ago

Inked in blood I woke up today to Sniper sprawling on my chest like he owned my lungs. Pretty sure he did. I growled, he purred, and the negotiation ended in stalemate. He won. Again. Breakfast: black coffee, two…

Inked in blood

I woke up today to Sniper sprawling on my chest like he owned my lungs. Pretty sure he did.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

1 month ago

Prayer answered, terms and conditions apply By day, I help people unspool their knots. By night, I tighten a few. Sniper watched me write that last line and flicked his tail like a judge slamming a gavel. He’s a gray tabby with the eyes of a…

Prayer answered, terms and conditions apply

By day, I help people unspool their knots. By night, I tighten a few.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

1 month ago

Dead cats don’t talk Yoofi Akerman’s Journal — 02:13 a.m. I used to believe insomnia was a disorder.Turns out it’s a professional requirement. Sniper landed on my chest at precisely 2:07 a.m., sixteen pounds of judgmen…

Dead cats don’t talk

Sniper landed on my chest at precisely 2:07 a.m., sixteen pounds of judgment and whiskers, depositing something cold and papery under my chin.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

1 month ago

Graveside playback Journal Entry — 2:14 a.m.The cat is judging me. Sniper sits on the kitchen counter like a furry sniper nest, tail flicking, green eyes narrowed. If cats could file ethics complaints, mine would’ve …

Graveside playback

“I know,” I tell him, stripping off my elegant black blazer and hanging it like a confession on the chair. “The ends justified the means. Again.”

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

2 months ago

Ticked off, wound tight If you’re reading this, either I survived the night or I didn’t bother to delete my notes. Both possibilities feel equally plausible. By day, I’m Dr. Yoofi Akerman, clinic psychologist, specialist …

Ticked off, wound tight

If you’re reading this, either I survived the night or I didn’t bother to delete my notes.

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Thanos

@thanoska.bsky.social

2 months ago

Ticked off, wound tight If you’re reading this, either I survived the night or I didn’t bother to delete my notes. Both possibilities feel equally plausible. By day, I’m Dr. Yoofi Akerman, clinic psychologist, specialist …

Ticked off, wound tight

If you’re reading this, either I survived the night or I didn’t bother to delete my notes.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

2 months ago

Fear is a terrible therapist People think fear screams.It doesn’t. Fear whispers. It waits until you’re alone, tired, and convinced you’ve survived the worst. Then it leans in and reminds you exactly who you are. Tonight, fear…

Fear is a terrible therapist

Fear whispers. It waits until you’re alone, tired, and convinced you’ve survived the worst. Then it leans in and reminds you exactly who you are.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

2 months ago

Mirror, mirror, lie to me I used to believe mirrors were neutral. Reflective surfaces. Passive observers. That was before I found a dead man folded into a funhouse mirror like a broken origami swan. The mirror stretched his…

Mirror, mirror, lie to me

I used to believe mirrors were neutral. Reflective surfaces. Passive observers.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

3 months ago

Croissants of the damned Journal Entry — 2:17 a.m.If there’s a hell for carbs, it smells like butter and regret. Sniper is judging me from the kitchen counter, tail wrapped like a question mark. He does this when he thinks…

Croissants of the damned

Sniper blinks. Translation: Says the woman with hidden daggers and a Ducati.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

3 months ago

Mirror, mirror… you’re dead

The rain slicked streets reflected the neon signs like broken glass shards on water.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

3 months ago

Reflections in a glass coffin 6:17 a.m. Coffee tastes like regret today. Not the bitter kind I enjoy in the mornings—the kind that sticks to your gut and whispers, someone’s going to die, and it’s probably before lunch. Sniper,…

Reflections in a glass coffin

The call from Martin Flores yesterday still stings. “Yoofi,” he said in that syrupy, bureaucratic drone, “I’ve got a… situation. Something delicate.”

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

3 months ago

Sharp ink, sharper teeth It was raining again. Typical. The kind of rain that makes the city streets slick, the neon puddles glow, and everyone suddenly a suspect in my mind. I stood under the awning of Café Mistral, black…

Sharp ink, sharper teeth

It was raining again. Typical. The kind of rain that makes the city streets slick, the neon puddles glow, and everyone suddenly a suspect in my mind.

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Thanos

@thanoska.bsky.social

3 months ago

Medieval Dino – The pact of blood and sky The jungle was alive with murmurs of rebellion. Beneath the burning amber light of a dying sun, the chieftain of the Red Talons stood before his gathered kin, a ring of lean, scar-slashed velocirap…

The pact of blood and sky

The very air trembled as the wind dragged through the dense palms, carrying the scent of blood and ocean salt.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

4 months ago

Brushstrokes of death If anyone asks me how my week went, I’ll tell them “fine.” Technically true, if you ignore the stack of corpses, the claw marks on my Jaguar, and the lingering smell of eau-de-blood on my favorite …

Brushstrokes of death

If anyone asks me how my week went, I’ll tell them “fine.” Technically true, if you ignore the stack of corpses.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

4 months ago

The Houdini code I never liked mornings. Mostly because the sun insists on reminding me I have a beating heart. And hearts are overrated. But there I was, perched on the edge of my black leather couch, Sniper stret…

The Houdini code

I never liked mornings. Mostly because the sun insists on reminding me I have a beating heart.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

4 months ago

Jury’s last verdict If I wanted to relax, I’d take a bath. With candles. And maybe some of that overpriced lavender soap that smells like regret. But instead, here I am, perched on the edge of my black leather couch, …

Jury’s last verdict

If I wanted to relax, I’d take a bath. With candles. And maybe some of that overpriced lavender soap that smells like regret.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

5 months ago

Nine lives and a bullet I woke to Sniper sitting on my chest, tail flicking like a tiny metronome of judgment. His green eyes bore into mine as if to say, You think you’re smarter than the city. Cute. “Coffee first,” I mu…

Nine lives and a bullet

By the time I slid my hand around the mug, my phone buzzed. One message. Two words. “They know.”

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

5 months ago

Lazarus edition I swear, if life had a snooze button, I’d have smashed it into oblivion years ago. Today, my clinic smelled like burnt coffee and broken dreams. By night, it smelled like blood, gunpowder, and some…

Lazarus edition

I swear, if life had a snooze button, I’d have smashed it into oblivion years ago. Today, my clinic smelled like burnt coffee and broken dreams.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

5 months ago

Death in D minor I woke up to Sniper kneading my stomach like a tiny, furry assassin demanding breakfast or a confession. I gave him both.“Fine,” I said, staring at his judgmental yellow eyes. “I screwed up. Again.…

Death in D minor

I woke up to Sniper kneading my stomach like a tiny, furry assassin demanding breakfast or a confession. I gave him both.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

5 months ago

The cat, the corpse, and the Jag The thing about murderers is they always smell faintly of arrogance. Like cheap aftershave and regret. Today started with a group therapy session. Convicts, ex-cons, the occasional sociopath who th…

The cat, the corpse, and the Jag

The thing about murderers is they always smell faintly of arrogance. Like cheap aftershave and regret.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

6 months ago

Knives, Lies, and Feline Alibis Entry 91 – If it smells like popcorn and gun oil, it’s not a date. You ever smell cotton candy, diesel exhaust, and unresolved trauma in the same room? That’s how I knew my Thursday was about to go…

Knives, Lies, and Feline Alibis

You ever smell cotton candy, diesel exhaust, and unresolved trauma in the same room? That’s how I knew my Thursday was about to go full tilt.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

6 months ago

Nine lives and a Sniper I always thought the day would end with chamomile tea and reruns of The X-Files. Instead, I’m bleeding onto the marble floor of a tech tycoon’s penthouse, cradling a USB stick in one hand and Snipe…

Nine lives and a Sniper

I always thought the day would end with chamomile tea and reruns of The X-Files.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

7 months ago

Dead Men’s Toys Yoofi’s JournalI’m Yoofi Akerman, and yes, I know what you’re thinking, ex-FBI profiler turned shrink-for-convicts sounds like a midlife crisis with a badge. But that’s me, by day I’m unmasking the…

Dead Men’s Toys

I’m Yoofi Akerman, and yes, I know what you’re thinking, ex-FBI profiler turned shrink-for-convicts sounds like a midlife crisis with a badge.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

7 months ago

Dolls, Death, and Dirty Secrets Yoofi’s Journal – Day 16:45 AM. Coffee. Black, no sugar, just like my soul after reading Flores’s latest memo about budget cuts. I swear, that man’s idea of leadership is as crooked as a candy cane…

Dolls, Death, and Dirty Secrets

6:45 AM. Coffee. Black, no sugar, just like my soul after reading Flores’s latest memo about budget cuts.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

7 months ago

Tick-Tock, Heartstop Journal Entry #14 — Yoofi Akerman11:04 p.m. It was the kind of summer night that smelled like bad decisions and burnt brake pads. I was parked outside a crumbling halfway house in East Highland, si…

Tick-Tock, Heartstop

It was the kind of summer night that smelled like bad decisions and burnt brake pads.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

7 months ago

Low Beams Monday, 12:17 a.m.Location: Third and Mercer, under the burnt-out amber glow of an old sodium streetlamp.Mood: Suspicious. My cat just tried to smother me with his tail. *       *       *       *  …

Low Beams

I’d made peppermint tea, taken off my boots, and had just started reading a paper on nocturnal delusions in sleep-deprived psychopaths.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

7 months ago

Chapter & Curse Monday, 9:17 a.m. – My Office, East End Clinic, Above a Laundromat That Smells Like Regret Let’s begin with the fact that my cat, Sniper, peed on my latest patient file. Again.His message was clear…

Chapter & Curse

Let’s begin with the fact that my cat, Sniper, peed on my latest patient file. Again.
His message was clear: “This guy’s lying.”

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

8 months ago

Hourglass hemoglobin and distractions Journal Entry: Thursday, 11:43 PM – Somewhere Between Too Late and Should’ve Stayed in Bed There’s blood in my espresso. Correction: there shouldn’t be blood in my espresso, but after your third co…

Hourglass hemoglobin and distractions

Sniper, my self-declared fur-covered therapist, is perched on the kitchen counter, tail flicking like she’s judging my caffeine choices.

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The Sphinx

@sphinxprofiler.bsky.social

8 months ago

Splinters and Sins 09:17 AM – The Clinic of the Damned, Office #3 Sniper is sitting on my desk, chewing on my pen. Again. “That’s government property,” I tell her. She blinks at me with her one good eye and drops it …

My day? Just your average Tuesday: a pen-chewing dog, a "jellyfish" boss, and finding my own clone in a death origami box! 💀🤯

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