Fun Fact: It's well known that vampires lose their ability to get erections, which is why Stephen Miller's wife lusts after Elon Musk.
Fun Fact #2: It is well known that Elon Musk can't get erections due to his ketamine abuse, unless being strangled by Stephen Miller's wife.
#StephenMillerFacts
Fun Fact: Stephen Miller is the biggest threat to vampires because every single one that has bitten him turned back into a mortal.
#StephenMillerFacts
Fun Fact: Stephen Miller tried to strangle a woman once and ended up in the hospital with two broken wrists. His victim declined to file a police report as she thought a plastic bag caught in the wind had wrapped around her neck.
#StephenMillerFacts
Fun Fact: Stephen Miller is so weak that his wife still hasn't become a vampire after over 1,000 attempts to turn her.
#StephenMillerFacts
Fun Fact: Stephen Miller's thin little vampire arms are so weak that he has to have a second creature of the night help him hold down victims he feeds on.
#StephenMillerFacts
Stephen's not "all work, no play"! For instance, he has the world's third largest collection of Hummel figurines (specifically, figurines from the Human Centipede Unforgettable Moments collection)!
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Many know that Stephen Miller is pro-life, but most don't know it's because The Ritual requires infants born of a mother's womb. The attempt to perform The Ritual with fetuses is what caused Hurricance Helene!
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Miller's species worked with DARPA and the FDA to create the now-famous "orphan crushing machine," from which a single orphan can provide enough slurry to coat his body up to 10 times, allowing him to survive in sunlight for a total of 80 hours!
#StephenMillerFacts #OrphanCrushingMachine
Stephen Miller can unhinge his jaw and swallow prey up to two whole feet in diameter, which is more than half his height!
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Ever wonder how Stephen keeps that sexy-yet-aristocratically-pallid skin (as he says, the white the righter!)?
If you remember that black trash bag someone tossed out the White House window a few weeks ago, it contained Stephen Miller's just-shed skin from his last moulting.
#StephenMillerFacts
His cosplay character is Lex Luthor.
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His sexual fantasies involve being dominated by migrant farm workers clad only in produce and being lashed by foreign tech workers wearing only H1 visas.
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His hobbies include self-hatred, lawn darts and Extreme Needlepoint.
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Slytherin wouldn't have him.
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His Safe Word is Covfefe.
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He prefers the tears of orphaned immigrant children to vermouth when mixing martinis.
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His new office features a trapdoor, laser-targeted blowdarts, and ISO-9000 compliant sound-proofing.
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He begins each day by sacrificing a small animal or insect to Yog Sogoth and the Ancient Ones.
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He is promoting an executive order to deport the Statue of Liberty (a French immigrant and known agitator).
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As a child he had an imaginary friend named Asmodeus.
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He delights in insisting that the tomato is a not actually a vegetable but a fruit, palm trees are not in fact trees but technically members of the grass family, and that "decimate" means killing exactly one in ten people.
#StephenMillerFacts
His claims his Desert Island Disc is ABBA GOLD, but nobody believes him.
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A distillation of his saliva makes an effective neurotoxin for hunting small game with blowdarts.
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His Spirit Animal is John Ehrlichman.
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No restaurant has named a sandwich after him. No restaurant will ever name a sandwich after him.
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His hometown of Santa Monica has named an experimental composting toilet on Ocean Front Walk after him.
#StephenMillerFacts
His Safe Word is Covfefe.
#StephenMillerFacts
His conscience was surgically removed and replaced with a small steel capsule, the contents of which are unknown.
#StephenMillerFacts
