i know it's gross -- unsanitary / i know blood underneath fingernails isn't well-received by the general public / i know it looks brutal / i know it'll hurt and take longer to disappear /// i am trying, okay? / trying to resist the urge / to scratch at another scab / to peel off layers, skin, desperate attempts at healing / to make myself bleed in front of friends and strangers /// i am always trying / to contain the parts of me / that aren't pleasant nor proper

i am trying so hard / not to hurt too visibly / not to be a nuisance to others, or a danger to myself / not to risk infection for the sake of relief / not to tear myself apart just to soothe the restlessness within /// i know it's bad / terrible for my health and looks and / the way i am perceived /// but somehow stopping / still feels worse / than continuing to collect careless scars / for people to count and judge / so they can overlook what lies beneath / the sea of red i'm always drowning myself in

◇ skin picking ◇

CN: skin picking, blood

Written after a #TensionTalksPrompt by tensionliterary 🖤 Please excuse the missing comma between "layers" and "skin" 😅

#poetry #poetrychallenge #skinpicking