You’re sitting there raising hell with me get out there and go pee. I’ll turn you into a sausage.

The entire lawn does not require inspection!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

What are you, working for the TSA? Stop inspecting the dishwasher.

Hoy, banana nose. What’re you doing?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Thank you for not slamming into the cement post

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Don’t woof at me! I am not taking your shit!

…says the woman very clearly taking the dog’s shit.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

If every time you walk into the house it smells horrible but you’ve cleaned everything you can think of, check to see if the dogs think the door mat is a pee pad. #askMeHowIKnow #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday #eeew #soMuchPee

I will turn you into a pair of slippers!

I will turn you into a pierogi!

So help me I will turn you into a boot!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Something in the living room is being torn to pieces. But the dogs have been barking and yelling for attention all damn day. Right now even if it’s the sofa they’re tearing apart I think I’m ok with it. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Stop sticking your toys under the refrigerator, Mei.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

[ominously] You have missed the turn.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Eat your breakfast. Eat! What is this look? It doesn’t have cheese on it? You are running a con. This is a con you know. OK here’s some cheese now – that’s not enough cheese? I am a sucker. Here.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Stop steaming my ankles!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

youtu.be/ZnzZH2-da…

It is all River ears and snow beard over here

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

No we are not playing fetch. It’s one in the morning.

What are you going to do with that chunk of ice? It’s the size of your head.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Dog farts: motivating humans to get moving for 25,000 years

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Are you yodeling? It’s not even 9am yet.

The snooze alarm is hungry.

Why is there a cloud on my floor?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Zoë, a white and tan shortie jack Russel, who might be eight inches tall at the shoulder, stands on a snow covered porch with an orange donut shaped toy expecting it to be thrown. A heated water dish with a brick in it sits in the background.

Twent degrees F, snow drifts are taller than she is, and this one wants to play fetch. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I wouldn’t go up there. Yup. There you go. Into the snowbank. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

This one doesn’t understand that it’s 21F / -6C and that the snow is her height.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

We are back with more idiot dog shenanigans.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Mommy is going to go take a shower. Anyone who follows mommy will also end up in the shower. I recommend you don’t follow mommy.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I’m not that kind of bitch, kiddo

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

The house spirit has stolen the WD-40

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

We are not eating any toys today.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Fine, I will pay your extortion. Go pee.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Go on! Outside! It’s not just for decoration any more!

—-
No you are not playing fetch now. It’s stupid o’clock

—-
[hears barking] that better be an axe murderer

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Aww, there’s my girl, standing in the front window, naked as a jay bird.

What, are you running for election? Get out and go pee.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Future archaeologists are going to be so confused about the ostrich bones in the yard.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Well now I am covered in dog snot.

—-

Do not run under the dish detergent! sigh

Well now your butt’s blue.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

🎶Oh Adelaide Adelaide ever lovin’ Adelaide is takin’ a chance you’ll pee…🎶

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Me: If you sleep there you are going to fall off the bed.
Myka: [scoots over 1/2 inch]

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday