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Picking food from your teeth in public is a culinary performance, not an art.
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Silence your phone during awkward family dinners.
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The bathroom door must be closed, even if you're home alone.
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When in doubt, blame the dog.
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Always carry snacks.
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Never trust a salad.
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Always pretend to check your watch in boring conversations.
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Never trust a person who doesn't like tacos.
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Your Wi-Fi password shouldn't be more secure than your bank account.
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If someone says 'we need to talk', prepare for the emotional equivalent of a thunderstorm.
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Don’t buy anything that requires batteries.
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If it’s free, it’s probably expired.
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The '5-second rule' is contingent on my level of hunger.
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Never eat a whole pizza alone without a plan.
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Replying 'LOL' means you didn't laugh at all.
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Always take the last slice of pizza; it’s a survival game.
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Never trust a salad with more than three toppings.
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No one wants to hear your workout playlist.
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Never trust a salad.
#Giggles#PunLife#RoastTime#UnspokenRules#ThingsWeAllDo
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If you say, 'I’m on my way,' you better be in the same zip code.
#LMAO#ThingsWeAllDo#DarkHumor#LifeRules#DryHumor
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Approach your fridge like it's a treasure hunt.
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If you leave a group chat, everyone must assume you’re in witness protection.
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No one enjoys your gym stories.
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Online shopping requires snacks.
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If you see a selfie stick, run the other way.
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When the dog chooses you, you’ve been drafted.
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If you step on a crack, make sure to apologize to the universe.
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Never trust a salad with croutons; it has too much to hide.
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Always carry snacks because life is unpredictable.
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Socks and sandals are a fashion statement.
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