“You may find yourself…!” said David Byrne, as he threw the Where’s Waldo book in frustration. #ZoomZoomKapow
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The lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep. He’s too busy being, like, Jesus, or some shit.
#ZoomZoomKapow #IAmWellRead
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“They aren’t Goo Goo Dolls: They’re Goo Goo Action Figures!”, said an insecure dude in the 90’s probably #ZoomZoomKapow
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Mr. Monopoly’s garage has got to be abstract as fuck. Cause he had to have room for a race car, a battleship, and a thimble. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I hate to get political, but I think mimes are clowns that didn’t sell out. I bet they probably look at clowns thinking “fucking prop acts…” #ZoomZoomKapow
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One Christmas, I got coal in my stocking. I should have seen it coming, because the Christmas before, I got a canary in my stocking. #ZoomZoomKapow
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“Well, that’s just flagrant false advertising!”, said Dr. Schrödinger, as he angrily left In N Out Burger. #ZoomZoomKapow
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If space is a vacuum, sending dogs up there was kind of fucked up.
#ZoomZoomKapow #TheyHateThose
But you know what they say: one small step for man, is, like, seven for the dog.
#ZoomZoomKaTag
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I went to a jewelry store, it was full of coal. I’m like “that dude is playing the long game.” #ZoomZoomKapow
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My friend is a musical conspiracy theorist. He thinks REM didn’t really record “Man On The Moon.” #ZoomZoomKapow
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I knew a guy who was struck by lightning. He survived, but now the questions he asks me keep getting harder. #ZoomZoomKapow #DollarValuesAreDoubled
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President So and So has gone too far this time. He’s sending the National Guard to Whoville. #ZoomZoomKapow #LottaCrimeThere
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“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”, said Oscar Wilde, inadvertently inventing Party City. #ZoomZoomKapow #HalloweenIsComing
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Just because I’m autistic doesn’t mean I’m not imaginative. Why, I remember when I was about 7, I made a tv series just from looking at a snow globe. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I can’t tell if my therapist is using reverse psychology, or just really good at sarcasm. #ZoomZoomKapow
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Vampires have no reflection, which explains why we’ve never seen Dracula journaling. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I had an idea for a penny farthing unicycle. Then I realized that that’s just a giant unicycle. #ZoomZoomKapow #BeatenToIt
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“I’m not a doctor, although I play one on tv” -a funny tv repairer, probably #ZoomZoomKapow
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I can’t tie my shoes anymore. From now on, either they win or I do. #ZoomZoomKapow
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249 years ago today, the founding fathers declared their independence from England and started a new country. I declared independence from England, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. #ZoomZoomKapow #SameThing
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There are only three things that are certainties in this life: death, taxes, and what side pirates pick for tic tac toe.
#ZoomZoomKapow #AndHollywoodSquares
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I wanna put silver bullets in a golden gun. That way, I can kill a werewolf AND a James Bond villain. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I won’t belong to any club that would have me as a member. Just another reason why I won’t eat sandwiches with toothpicks in them. #ZoomZoomKapow
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Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Every time a Ring doorbell rings, an angel gets its propeller hat. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I bet the first time a gangster in the 40’s ended a sentence with the word “see?”, people lost their FUCKING shit. #ZoomZoomKapow
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I like a solar eclipse. Sundials needed a snooze button. #ZoomZoomKapow
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The Sixth Sense wouldn’t have worked as a Shakespeare play, because they see dead people
all the fucking time.
#ZoomZoomKapow
It’s like “Oh, thou seeth the dead? Be we in Copenhagen, for mine eyes must behold the PRINCE OF DENMARK?!”
#ZoomZoomKaTag #SarcasmTookLongerThen
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I go to great lengths to avoid conflict. A kid declared a thumb war. I draft dodged.
#ZoomZoomKapow
My thumb made it to Canada. For some reason, it got a ride almost immediately.
#ZoomZoomKaTag
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If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, does it make a noise? Yes. But ironically, it’s the sound of one hand clapping.
#ZoomZoomKapow #MindBlown
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Victims of AI seldom talked about: people like me, who were already computer generated images. #ZoomZoomKapow #MakingUsLookBad
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