Fifty-two full trips
Around the sun and still can’t
Fold a fitted sheet.

#breakfasthaiku
#embracingmyignorance #birthday

Hey. Good job, winter.
You really showed up this year.
You can go now, k?

#breakfasthaiku

Hey, Susan Collins -
Still concerned? Disappointed?
Distraught? (Fuck right off.)

cc: Lisa Murkowski and Thom Tillis
#breakfasthaiku #Pretti #Good #Liam #25thAmendment

Looks like Fargo -
Feels like Nineteen Eighty Four.
Tis the damn season.

#breakfasthaiku #polarvortex #25thamendmentnow

A superior haiku from my superior sister:

I wish he owned a
Map - like Dora I suppose?
Swiper! NO SWIPING!

#breakfasthaiku #thankyouheather #25thamendmentplease

Haikus don’t present
Themselves these days- hiding
In terror, perhaps?

#breakfasthaiku #whattheactualfuck #evergreenpost #denmarkisnotnorway #abolishICE #releasetheepsteinfiles #USAoutofgreenland

Keep thinking about
What Abby Bartlet would say
About the East Wing.

#breakfasthaiku
#WestWingTV
#FuckingBallroom
#FuckingTrump

“Comically evil”
Is less funny in real life.
F*ck you, DJT.

#breakfasthaiku
#GOPshutdown
#autocracy

Auto shop, French IV,
Architectural drawing:
One day as a sub.

#substituteteacherhaiku
#breakfasthaiku

So nervous! Heading
To war-torn Portland Friday……
Wrong coast?! AND no war?!?

#breakfasthaiku
#moreDJTbullshit
#butactuallygoingtoPortlandMaine

Instinctive “FUCK YOU”
Uttered at spam email from
Toxic former job.

#breakfasthaiku
#youcanthurtmenow

There is no haiku
For what is happening now.
(Speechless on Free Speech.)

#breakfasthaiku #autocracybloomsinsilence

“We didn’t start the
Fire”… but we added kindle
And brought marshmallows.

#breakfasthaiku

“You reap what you sow.”
And this time, poetically.
(I won’t mourn evil).

#breakfasthaiku #itstheguns

Everything old is
School again. How did I get
Here again? (Life’s weird.)

#breakfasthaiku #substituteteacher #careershift
#underemployment

One of these days I
Will craft a haiku that’s not
About that asshat.

#nottoday #ThatFuckingGuy #breakfasthaiku #constitutionalcrisis

Unexpectedly
Freed from bonds of employment =
Relief and terror.

#breakfasthaiku #whoishiring
#lastday

These hard days are a
Gripping chapter in the book
I will never write.

#breakfasthaiku #worklife #forkintheroad #alsotheater

If I planned a DINN-
ER menu based on “vibes”, I’d
Feel more remorse. Dick.

#breakfasthaiku #BombingIran #orangemenace

Mrs. Cronkhite’s grade
Seven social studies class
Did not prepare me.

#breakfasthaiku #greatteacher #authoritarianrule
#wtfdowedonow

The sty carries on,
Felt but not seen; I appear
To complain of nothing.

#breakfasthaiku #styproblems

I must have peed in
The road, cuz I have a sty
In my eye. (Old wives?)

#breakfasthaiku #literallynobodyknowsthisone #didmymommakeitup

Text from a smart friend:
“I licked ass at trivia!”
Congratulations!

#breakfasthaiku #textsfromlastnight

There can’t be a good
Reason for menstruation at
My age. WHY, Darwin?!

#breakfasthaiku

“If hypocrisy
Was hair, he’d be a Wookiee.”
Thanks, John Fugelsang!

#breakfasthaiku #dailybeanspodcast

This breakfast haiku
Is just because I have not
Done one in awhile.

#breakfasthaiku
#notfeelingclever

Roof leaks, dryer’s dead.
Sore neck, crumbling Republic….
It’s always something.

#breakfasthaiku

Rain rain rain rain rain.
Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain.
Rain rain rain rain. Rain.

#breakfasthaiku

Pope Leo? Cool, cool.
Jeanine Pirro? Oh, hell no!
Hot and cold news day.

#breakfasthaiku

“The problem, my friend,
Is that you called her after
Four pm.” Wise words.

#breakfasthaiku
#sisterwisdom