What do you do with a sick bee?
Take it to the wasp-ital 🤦♀️
#CrackerJoke
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A picture of a cardboard egg carton. It holds six eggs and has a lid that folds over.
I asked for a games console for Christmas. I think Santa misheard.
#crackerjoke
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What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments.
#crackerjoke
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Q: What kind of cow is waterproof?
A: A gaberdine Angus.
#CrackerJoke
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What's Alan Sugars fav dessert? Profit-eroles... (Millionaires shortbread is also acceptable)... I'm here all week. #crackerjoke #randomthought #theapprentice
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Q. What is the most watched Christmas broadcast of all time?
A. The 1973 Morecambe and Wise Moon Landing.
#crackerjoke
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Q. Why is it customary to leave a glass of milk for Santa?
A. You ever tried reindeer milk?
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Q. What was stuck on the bottom of Santa’s boot?
A. Bauble-gum!
#crackerjoke
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Q. Which Ancient Egyptian figure visited the newborn baby Jesus?
A. Nefertivity.
#crackerjoke
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Q. Why did British and German soldiers play football together on Christmas Day 1914?
A. Their volleyball had a puncture. #crackerjoke
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Midge Ure: What do you call a blind dinosaur this time of year?
Bob Geldof: Do-they-know-it’s-Christmas-time-saurus?!
Bono: LOL
#crackerjoke
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I loved my Christmas tree so much last year, I’m pining for it now. #crackerjoke
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Q. What does Sadako like to sing when she goes carolling?
A. “Nooo weeeellll, Nooo well!” #crackerjoke
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Q. Who did the third wise man bring along to the birth of Christ?
A. His Myrrh-maid. #crackerjoke
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Q. What does Santa eat for breakfast?
A. Grott-o’s! #crackerjoke
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Q. Which Babylonian king hates Christmas?
A. Nebuchadnezzar Scrooge. #crackerjoke
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Q. What do people who drink Budweiser say when they go carol singing?
A. WASSAIL?! #crackerjoke
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What feedback does Rudolf most regularly receive about his screenwriting?
That it’s too ‘on the nose’
❄️ 🎄 #CrackerJoke #Screenwriting
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Q. How does Rudolph find casual hook-ups on his phone?
A. Reindr. #crackerjoke
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I used to look forward to Parsnips at Christmas lunch, but then Ma told him he had to keep his shirt on. #crackerjoke
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Q. What do you call a dinosaur that only feasts on people called Stephen?
A. Wenceslasaurus Rex #crackerjoke
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Q. When does the song “Santa Baby” take place?
A. On the Thirst Day of Christmas. #crackerjoke
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Stardate: 2024.12.8 ▪️ It wouldn't be Christmas without a cracker joke here or something, would it? 😜😆🎄 #ChristmasCountdown #17DaysUntilChristmas #ChristmasJoke #CrackerJoke #LOL
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Q. How does Christopher Biggins avoid getting scurvy?
A. Pantolimes. #crackerjoke
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Q. How did the Spanish wise man find his way to Baby Jesus?
A. Sat-Navidad. #crackerjoke
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Q. How do you remember which of Santa’s reindeer is which?
A. Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, red nose. #crackerjoke
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Q. Where does tinsel come from?
A. Hollywood. #crackerjoke
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Q. Who lives under your Christmas tree but doesn’t speak?
A. Parcel Marceau. #crackerjoke
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Q. What do Australians hang on their door to stop people entering at Christmas time?
A. A Great Barrier Wreath. #crackerjoke
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