when the cheers ring loud in your ears, do you feel the love of the audience ? there is nothing particularly special about it, the cheers sound the very same from performance to performance - theirs or otherwise - to the point that it ends up melting into each other, a moment not any more special than the previous, or even the next one. it's nothing more than a confirmation that once again you've won, as opposed to a genuine appreciation of the show you managed to put on. it doesn't feel like love, like sincere appreciation. if nothing else, it's a weird ambivalence, a mere preference for one of two options that happened to sit side by side. but again, what is love meant to be like ?

a question asked time and time again, a lot of minutes spent turning pages and pages methodically, reading each line, each descriptor of a love so intense it could possibly move a country… and yet, there was no answer. it's worthless to know theory when there is nothing to show in practice. to write a love song is easy, but to feel it sincerely is hard. to feel at all is hard. it's hard to put a name to a feeling when you don't feel anything at all most of the time, a pendulum swinging between nothingness and misery with equal lack of interest. the effects of severe nonchalance hit even in the way that those periods of nothing do not even feel like a void - it is not soul-crushing, it does not feel like your chest is caving in on itself… it truly, sincerely, feels like nothing at all. like life is at a standstill and you remain powerless as it passes through you. what is life if now what happens to you ? and in that case… by standing still in the face of the motion, are you living ?

only the heart knows how to find what is precious.

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how can someone be engineered close to perfection still manage to lose itself in the face of emotion ? that very same question echoes in a void as the time stays at a standstill, heavy with the scent of blood - with the weight of a life gone with the wind. there is nothing to be done anymore, not when the votes have been cast, and the guns raised. how can someone raised to be the perfect investment, with the smallest margin of error, still manage to lose in the face of emotion ?

when the desire to see someone be safe overwhelms all others it's hard to think clearly, if at all. nothing else matters, only the possibility that someone you care for will see the light of day even if only one more time. even with just another day…it would be more than satisfactory. even if the tears and blood loss blur all else, it could at least rest easy to see those red eyes wide open. close enough to stare at them, see them, as opposed to just guessing their general shape. there is nothing more damning than the fragile, tender human heart.

tw: implied character death

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