Terry Pegula Is A Big Disgrace And An Even Bigger Fucking Loser _Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday at Defector during the NFL season. Got something you wanna contribute? _ _Email the Roo_ _. You can also read Drew over at_ _SFGATE_ _, and_ _buy Drew’s books_ _while_ _you’re at it_ _._ It’s typical of the Buffalo Bills that they would dominate the public conversation during a Championship Week despite the fact that they won’t be playing in it. The Bills, like a handful of other NFL franchises, are renowned more for what they haven’t accomplished than what they have. In fact, the Bills are _defined_ by their high-profile failures, with their 33-30 loss in Denver last week now added to their anti-résumé. I grew up with the Jim Kelly Bills, who infamously won four straight AFC titles but never a Super Bowl. Decades later, Kelly’s spiritual successor—Josh Allen—has yet to even _reach_ the Super Bowl. Not even this season, when Allen’s contemporary QB rivals in the AFC failed to even reach the playoffs. The fuck? How is that even possible? Oh, right…

Michele Tafoya Won’t Rest Until She Finds A Bigger And Better Way To Annoy Everyone Minnesota is in turmoil, thanks to masked federal agents who spend all day driving around the Twin Cities terrorizing whoever the hell they want. This is a time that calls for strong leadership. Can I interest you in a senate bid from a lady you vaguely remember mumbling questions on NFL sidelines a decade ago? That's right, former NFL sideline reporter Michele Tafoya announced Wednesday that she wants to be the next Republican senator from Minnesota. She unveiled her candidacy this morning with a campaign ad that wastes no time getting to her qualifications: "For years, I covered the biggest football games in America." https://www.instagram.com/p/DTxZ8WEES2-/?hl=en

Tony Dokoupil Eats Heaps Of Shit In First Week As CBS News Anchor Last month, CBS News Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss decided to make Tony Dokoupil, then the host of the network's three-hour morning show, the new lead anchor on _CBS Evening News_. In any other circumstance, it might be hard to figure out how this promotion was issued to a guy whose job was to be a court jester for bleary-eyed Americans getting ready to go to work. But the thought process here is pretty easy to follow: Dokoupil, a Zionist, made a fool of himself trying to grill Ta-Nehisi Coates during a 2024 interview about his latest book, which features a chapter about Israel's subjugation of the Palestinian people. The previous CBS regime reprimanded Dokoupil for his pro-apartheid line of questioning, but Weiss wanted to make it clear that she rewards that kind of thought in the newsroom. Put more directly: This moron got himself a fancy new job by being an ingratiating dipshit. Dokoupil officially took over as lead anchor over the weekend, where he was entrusted to update viewers about the United States' murderous attack on Venezuela that resulted in the kidnapping of President Nicolás Maduro. A few days before his debut, Dokoupil released a statement in which he repeated many of Weiss's favorite platitudes, promising to correct the sins committed by previous versions of _CBS Evening News._

CBS News Hitches Its Wagon To These Two Duds Last Wednesday, newly minted CBS News Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss dropped the big news. As she walked through the CBS newsroom, Weiss looked into the camera, mechanically moved her hands around, and gave it to us straight: "I just sat down for an hour with Erika Kirk, and we talked about everything." Given that Weiss was speaking in the tone of voice usually reserved for correspondents reporting from a war zone, someone who was not familiar with Erika Kirk may have concluded that something really important had just happened. Those who are more familiar with Kirk, however, immediately knew what was up. Charlie Kirk's widow, who has been overexposed while awkwardly attempting to establish herself as a public figure in the wake of her husband's assassination, had found yet another friendly platform at Weiss's version of CBS News, which is starting to implement its newsroom chief's vacuousness on an institutional level.

Bill Belichick’s First Season At UNC Ends With A Mumble As a publication, we haven't felt the need to check in with Bill Belichick and North Carolina since October. There are only so many jokes to make about a mediocre college football team as it plays out the string, and how much more is there to say, really? Let's give it a try anyway. It could be the last chance. The string has been officially played out: The Tar Heels were trampled on Saturday by NC State, 42-19. UNC finished the season with a 4-8 record, and will not be bowl-eligible for the first time since 2018, which was Larry Fedora's final season. Here's a brutal series of stats about this year's team, via the Raleigh _News & Observer_:

Defeat Isn’t Enough For Andrew Cuomo And His Pack Of Lunatics A New York City mayoral election is, definitionally, not anyone outside of the city's business. That this year's campaign, which ended in Zohran Mamdani's victory on Tuesday night, became everybody's business, and a big stupid national story, speaks to the effectiveness of Mamdani's campaign and the power of his socialist message, but also to the wild bigotry that was arrayed against him. Pundits and politicians will spend the next few weeks attempting to sort out the lessons presented by Mamdani's victory, but here's one that has always been true: There are no consequences for engaging in gutter racism in this country, so long as it is aimed at a brown-skinned Muslim. One story about this election can be told through the increasing intensity of the racism and Islamophobia that was aimed at Mamdani by those who were emboldened by that lack of consequences. This story began with Mamdani being peppered with ludicrous questions about Hamas and the precise meaning of "intifada," and it ended with several United States lawmakers talking and posting like Klansmen.

Good Thing Nobody In Charge Of A Newspaper Wanted To Make Olivia Reingold A Video Star Every day brings with it the same threat: the possibility of learning something new about Free Press reporter Olivia Reingold. The author of an historically malevolent piece of journalism has not been shy about using social media to let us all know how none of her friends like her anymore, on account of all the genocide denial she considers to be her day job. Now she's using it for a different purpose, and that is revealing to the world that she does not understand how to tell, or possibly even recognize, a joke.

Woody Johnson Doesn’t Think Anyone Could Win With The Pile-Of-Shit Quarterback He Signed These two facts are indisputable: The New York Jets are an extremely bad football team, and Justin Fields is an extremely bad quarterback. Everyone in the organization shares responsibility for the team's 0-7 start to the season, but a big a chunk of it belongs to Fields, who has played miserably and passed for a combined 91 yards in his last two starts (one of which saw him benched after halftime). Just about anyone can get away with slagging Fields right now, but it's a bit much to see the guy who signs his paychecks try to get in on the action. That's what Jets owner Woody Johnson did when he took some time out of the NFL's fall meetings to talk to reporters about his team. While letting everyone know that first-year head coach Aaron Glenn still has his full support, Johnson managed to call Fields essentially useless.

You Can Have Money Or Sympathy, But Not Both Nick Saban, ex-Alabama coach but still somehow patron saint of college football, had some things to say during yesterday's edition of _College GameDay_ about the "ugliness" faced by his former coaching peer, James Franklin. Saint Nick wants the world to know that it was "unfair as hell" for Penn State to fire Franklin in the middle of what's been a disastrous season for the Nittany Lions. Saban got these feelings off his chest when Franklin joined the _GameDay_ crew for the softest of softball interviews. Saban and his cohosts made sure to list some of Franklin's accomplishments during his 12 seasons at Penn State—wining the Rose bowl and Fiesta bowl, making the playoff final four, getting a No. 1 ranking coming into this season (it was actually number two)–while quickly glossing over the fact that Franklin went 4-21 against AP top 10 opponents. How could Penn State dump a man simply for not winning when it matters most and being generally unpleasant? https://youtu.be/EcHuRVkwSSI?si=iB4tlDGmWD9lLdwr

Please Spend Some Time Imagining Mike Lombardi Begging For Money In Saudi Arabia Our old pal Mike Lombardi just can't keep himself out of the news. Following two reports about how nobody in college football can stand working with him, he is now the subject of another flurry of reports about a preseason fundraising trip to Saudi Arabia. The news of Lombardi's trip, which took place two weeks before the start of the college football season, was first broken by Pablo Torre. A few hours later, The Athletic provided more details. According to statements provided by the University of North Carolina, Lombardi's fundraising trip was "exploratory," and did not involve meeting with any representatives of the country's Public Investment Fund. Lombardi, according to the university, merely met with a "Saudi national who is a college football fan interested in supporting Coach Belichick."

Please Spend Some Time Imagining Mike Lombardi Begging For Money In Saudi Arabia Our old pal Mike Lombardi just can't keep himself out of the news. Following two reports about how nobody in college football can stand working with him, he is now the subject of another flurry of reports about a preseason fundraising trip to Saudi Arabia. The news of Lombardi's trip, which took place two weeks before the start of the college football season, was first broken by Pablo Torre. A few hours later, The Athletic provided more details. According to statements provided by the University of North Carolina, Lombardi's fundraising trip was "exploratory," and did not involve meeting with any representatives of the country's Public Investment Fund. Lombardi, according to the university, merely met with a "Saudi national who is a college football fan interested in supporting Coach Belichick."

Free Press Reporter Discovers That Being An Amoral Dickhead Can Cost You Friends It can be hard to maintain friendships as an adult. People move to new cities, start families, and experience all sorts of other life events that make it difficult to keep in touch. Sometimes, you end up losing all of your friends because you can't stop writing pro-genocide propaganda for Bari Weiss's stupid website. That last circumstance is the one in which Free Press reporter Olivia Reingold currently finds herself, which we know because she won't stop tweeting about it. Reingold, who joined the Free Press in 2022, started giving updates about the disintegration of her personal life shortly after publishing a big "investigation" that clumsily attempted to downplay the starvation of Gaza's children by observing that some of them were also suffering other ailments. Shortly after having her name attached to one of the most evil pieces of journalism ever produced, Reingold started losing friends.

Just therapying it all out now... Letting the Hamilton in me go. Embodied the spirit for a good 18 months. Worth a try. Apparently women are still unable to break the steel ceiling. #nothingchanged #verbalrocks #mediocrities youtu.be/vYbdQAeO0vo?...