The blond Milala, regulator glowing on the side of her head, steps up to the stage, cautiously, as if it might leap up and knock her down at any moment. She gets to the top, clears her throat, and turns around. "H-hi so I'm Mariposite." The words come out shakily, but with the determination of someone who had spent all afternoon practicing in front of a mirror already.>> "Most of you might know me as the desperately poor poet always writing at the bar - " She chuckles, weakly. "Poor as in bad, not money-free. Anyways, I've been having difficulty writing poetry - much to the bartender's relief, I'm sure, sorry Pawkwoya - so I thought maybe I'd try to be funny instead of good. Ha ha." The last two syllables are stated flatly, with no trace of actual laughter. >> She puts her hands behind her, and begins to pace on stage. "Anyways, so my day job is testing software and trying to find bugs in the systems that power Everkeep. Simple job, right? There's always lots to find. Only problem is, I don't *fix* things. I have to tell someone else with a higher salary than me to *fix* things. And I tell you want, getting someone else to spray bugkiller on the bugs you find is harder than finding the bugs, I swear to the queen.>> "If I hear 'It works on my machine' one more time, I swear I'm going hit someone very hard with long, cylindrical tube. I'm just saying. I wouldn't, actually, for legal reasons. This is what my lawyer would say. Ahem." There is an awkwardly long pause, as if she might have forgotten what she was saying next. >>
The words shoot out, very rapidly, as if a desperate stopgap for the silence. "How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem. Why was the box of regulators delivered to the shoe store? The usher told the deliveryperson that they needed their soles removed." She deeply inhales, and her breath stops making her want to clutch her chest. "All right, got the puns out of the way. Ya'll like puns, right?" She inhales, deeply; does she sound like she's gasping for air to anyone else? "So, anyways. A couple was arguing about something trivial when they left their apartment. An hour later, one spouse comes back alone. Their sibling asks, 'where's the other one? why were you fighting?' The spouse says 'I don't remember' and their sibling goes 'oh my Sphene you killed them.' Spouse says, 'no, no, I don't remember the reason for the fight. I didn't kill my spouse. They're fine.' >>
"They then reach into their pocket and pull out a wallet with blood on it. 'Now, if only I could remember whose wallet this belonged to.'" She pauses for a moment, trying to peer in the darkness past the spotlight, listening for a laugh - or perhaps the sound of someone winding up to throw an appetizer. A snicker. She braces her shoulders. That was good, right? "So uh, something lighter. What did the reforger say to the hunter who had a feral soul active? You look barking mad there, buddy." She chuckles. *She,* at the least, found it funny.>> "Moving on. Years ago, when they started putting food in those containers, right? When they started moving away from things like what you see on the farms out here, to carefully formulated meals full of all the taste, vitamins, and minerals you'd ever need. At first, they put everything into a generic container and just changed the label. A round, long tube. You know why they started using all those fancy containers that look like grapes and steak and whatnot?" She pauses.>> "There was a massive Milala street gang turf war that broke out. The primary weapon? Those long, cylindrical tubes. Very bloody. Lots of injuries. Anyways, the new shapes were invented because they're harder to swing like a proper weapon." Pause. "Oh, that's not a joke. I just find it interesting. Stay in school, kids.">> "Now, you have to go to an antiquities dealer to find one of these things." She pulls out a long, ancient, rusty metal tube. A dark red color stains one end of it. "Some might be old enough to remember these. Like my lawyer. If he lived in Alexandria at the time." She coughs. "Anyways..." She stares at it, as if seeing it for the first time, staring round-eyed at the red-painted end of it. "You know, I don't remember how this red stuff got here...">> She jams it back into a deep pocket. "Anyways, thank you and good night!" She cuts a quick bow and speed walks off the stage.
Mariposite's comedy routine she tried at Open Mic Night. She's trying so hard to human.
#ffxivrp #milala #s9
