Words of wisdom from Betty Cooper.

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This is basically what Marla Maples would advise the mothers of teen pageant contestants to instruct their daughters whenever they were invited to events at Mar-a-Lago.

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I hear that there's a little blue pill for that, Arch, but a 17-year-old shouldn't need it!

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I'd never heard it put quite that way before, but it's not exactly inaccurate, other than the use of the word "victims", of course.

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Good old Saint Nick has got a LOT of nerve for being a self-designated arbiter of what's "naughty" and what's "nice".

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Putting the "head" in "Jughead"

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Consent is key.

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Archie must've thought that Veronica had requested extra cream in her cream pie.

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Shades of when Orange Fuckface owned a beauty pageant for teen girls and he was notorious for barging into the changing room while the girls were undressing.

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#trumpisintheepsteinfiles
#heisinthefiles
#trumpisapedophile
#trumpisanephebophile

Archie is seen here trying to live up to his recently-earned sobriquet...

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Obscene filth! Count me in!

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Just one finger? I can't remember... does one finger go in the pink or in the stink?

I need a good rhyming mnemonic, like that one for remembering how many days each month has (i.e. Thirty days has September, April, June, and November...).

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I definitely could've used a friend like that when I was in high school.

Many years later, I reconnected with a guy who I was friends with in junior high school and he told me about some of his many exploits from high school and I felt SO left out of so many experiences.

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Well, it is June now, Archie. That's when we get the most new recruits.

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Just the tip...

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Apparently, Archie has fallen for the conversion therapy scam.

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Such a formal announcement, Jughead. You should go to the Hims website and see if there's a treatment for that hair-trigger of yours.

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Archie Andrews, merkin merchant

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You might be screaming, "No, no, no!" and all they hear is, "Who wants cake?" Let me tell you something... They all do. They all want cake.

#outofcontextarchiecomics meets #strangerswithcandyquotes

#strangerswithcandy #flatpointforever

Veronica is about to learn that Betty is a cunning linguist.

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Yes, it will sting if you get it in your eyes.

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This ain't Betty's first time at this particular rodeo...

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Alan, do the instructions tell you how to clean it after each use?

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Larry, no teabagging. You know the rules! No balls on foreheads. Teabagging is forbidden here at the Fudge Palace.

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Isn't that redundant?

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