#spyretalk

Turns out last Saturday was a premonition of sorts.

#spyretalk

Been more or less a year since the canon event. The hangover is so long, I’m helplessly unable to stop myself from making it a shitty anniversary. I’m supposed to have moved on by now, but it’s the overwhelming feeling of never wanting it to happen again that prevails.

#spyretalk

It’s the unfiltered thoughts that are fascinating.

You never see yourself, and those unfiltered thoughts from others, in the same room at the same time.

Unless intense emotion prevails and all of a sudden the outburst breaks down those mental blocks,

that conceal the bitter truth.

#spyretalk

I wish I never had to see the numbers associated to any of my profiles again. None of it it’s important and is probably the absolute last reason to use any site anyway, not in need of numerical validation.

Should be grateful when people finally decide they’ve met their limit with me.

#spyretalk

I want to absolutely fuck up the #spyretalk tag this morning.

I hate wasting folks’ time man. Hate it thoroughly.

#spyretalk

Every, single, day, I have to push away these terrible thoughts. I do everything to protect myself but what I’m trying to overcome compromises me from within. Maybe I’ll be okay in a year? Two years? Who tf knows. I just wish for one day where I can act normal about anything.

#spyretalk

This process is taking so long.

Made progress, but I’m tired of stifling the feelings. Complete isolation makes the most sense, just, getting out of everyone’s way completely.

It’s like, a constant unsettling murmur, that gets louder when I see or read certain things.

#spyretalk

It was a lose-lose from the very start and I put myself there. I tried to do the right thing at every turn. It just didn’t matter in the end - I’m left with fractured earth for my efforts and waning sanity. I let go but it stays tightly clasped around my neck. Who cares anyway, it’s w/e.

#spyretalk

Landed at the exact same spot a few more months down the line with a litany of ‘fuck you’ and ‘I don’t care’ in my direction. It’s just so disappointing. The truth of the matter remains the cold comfort. And the truth is, despite the shit situation, I did way more than I should have ig.

#spyretalk

Weird day, weird night. At least the conclusion is clear, they didn’t understand at all. The silence was loud enough; it said everything required. I’m just glad it’s over.

Why I even bothered in the first place is beyond me at this point.

#spyretalk

Wanting to express one’s self but it not coming naturally, enough for others. Then one’s purest form is regarded as ‘too much’, averse enough from normal to get talked out of being yourself. Folks that seem good at expressing themselves don’t seem to think about it, they just /are/.

#spyretalk

I’ve asked myself the same fleeting questions and thought the same fleeting thoughts already, that I promise. One day it will make sense.

#spyretalk

Twenty thousand questions and a replay of events on loop until I lose it. And I just have to stomach it. Somehow, I’m still rushing in almost complete silence. I have to keep letting go until it lets go of me. Amnesia /sounds/ easier that dull, painful hallucinations every day.

#spyretalk

I wish to talk to my future self tonight. Does it actually get easier? Will it stop being painful? Did I change enough positively for myself and those around me?

If I knew these answers now, it would mean nothing. It’s futile. All I can control is /now/…

..and right now, I wanna sleep.

#spyretalk

I loved it when the nightmare went “ooh I’m a nightmare ooh, have fun waking up on your extremely early alarm in a bit you idiot. Oh and you fucking suck.”

Bro what.

#spyretalk

Screenshot showing the additional options when selecting a tag including ‘see all tagged posts’, ‘see tagged posts by this user’ and ‘mute tagged posts’.

I’ve made a #spyretalk tag and a #spyrecomm tag to use going forward. Please, if you don’t want to see any of my vents or my comms, feel free to mute these terms by holding down the tag. Hope it helps!

I’ll get to uploading all my art here as well. I’ll use labels to hide mature art.