Even though I was already tenured so did not have to worry about being fired – a frequent outcome for transgender people at the time (in many states, trans people are still not legally protected from being fired) – there was much to consider. I did not know of any successful trans scientists, and I worried whether I would be able to get grants (it was already nearly impossible). Would new students or postdocs wish to join my lab? Would colleagues reject me? Would I still be invited to meetings? Reading about folks in other professions, I strongly feared transition would end my career. For a week, I was almost unable to sleep from stress as I pondered whether I should transition or commit suicide. I finally decided to open up to three friends whose opinion I valued very much: David Corey, Martin Raff and Louis Reichardt..To my great relief, all three were strongly supportive. Based on their support, I decided to transition. I sent out the following letter to colleagues, family and friends late in December of 1997 to let them know of my gender dysphoria and my decision to transition. Dear friends, At 17, I learned I had been born without a uterus or vagina (Mullerian agenesis) and that I had been exposed prenatally to masculinizing hormones. Despite surgical correction..., throughout my life I have continued to have intensely strong feelings of non-identity with women.
Perhaps most disturbingly, I feel I have the wrong genitals and have had violent thoughts about them. My lack of female identity was brought home vividly to me after having bilateral mastectomy for breast cancer. This surgery, rather than being an assault on my female identity as it was for my mother, felt corrective as my breasts never seemed like they should be there anyway. It is not that I wish I were male, rather, I feel that I already am. It would be difficult to describe the mental anguish this has caused me...It has been the source of strong feelings of worthlessness, intense isolation, hopelessness and self-destructive feelings. I have never been able to talk to anyone because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed by it. It seemed that it must be my fault, that somehow I should be able to make myself be a woman. This is how things stood until two months ago, when I read about the existence of a gender clinic at Stanford. They found I have a condition known as gender dysphoria. To my amazement, I learned I am not alone and that my story is stereotypical of all of those who have this condition. So what is gender dysphoria..? Those who have it feel..a strong mismatch between their anatomical sex and their brain sex (gender identity). The cause is unknown but thought to be biological, as some cases are clearly associated with a history of hormone exposure during development. Although not treatable by psychotherapy, the dysphoria is substantially lessened by a
TErfs often claim #TransMen transition for career. Ben thought it would END his, but chose job loss over suicide.
He died of pancreatic cancer 20yrs later, penning the amazing 'Autobiography of a Transgender Scientist' in his last year.
This excerpt shows the crucialness of #TransVisibility:
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7/8
![[Book cover]
«Working Guys»
[The male symbol in red, with the arrow stylized like a partially open umbrella instead.]
A Transmasculine Sex Worker Anthology
Edited by Jack Parker.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:7sezvfn3o2upf7ejux3tqsq5/bafkreiabrigyydtzhvxbht7pl27zj5eeacjgsn4566z7ugmgwd2uijqskm)
