#wyphvent

#wyphvent
deactivated my alt because i honestly felt more awful and lonely posting on it
for me, shouting into a void only wears down my voice

might start something where i just list where my thoughts are going in a thread
might just help me organize them and see what leads to what thinking
#wyphvent

holy hell that was like, instant mood swing wtf
i just got off a voice call why am i suddenly tired and startin to think
#wyphvent

it’s good that i can recognize a mood swing and give myself a way to deal with it (eating in this case), but it would be nice to just not have the mood swing
#wyphvent

it really is hard to truly believe that people want to be around me when i’m so frequently depressed and anxious about everything
#wyphvent

#wyphvent or whatever

i feel like i’m really socially awkward a lot of the time
i say the same stuff over and over again, and i feel like there’s an expectation to add something actually valuable to conversation, even when it’s just unfocused silly time
what the hell am i even doing venting about this
#wyphvent

forgot to label #wyphvent but oh well too late

anxiety is killing me gwuh
#wyphvent

i wonder how much of me being a cute sweet lovey creature is genuine and how much of it is putting on an act to be complimented and praised
#wyphvent

i do wonder how many people actually see my #wyphvent posts
bsky doesn’t show views so all i have to go off of is likes which, is also kinda inaccurate lol
people don’t usually hit “like” on vent posts lmao

i’m sorry that there’s a lot of them but there IS a hashtag and you CAN mute it

i really struggle with the amount of attention i give
it’s either i give you sooooo much attention or like none at all
makes some people feel amazing but at the cost of making others feel unwanted
it probably really feels unfair for the people who give ME attention and don’t get any back
#wyphvent

i think i have a hard time telling people i want something
my brain either tells me i don’t deserve the thing i want or it tells me that me asking someone is going to make them upset

really though, i find it hard admitting that i want something to change, or that i want more of something
#wyphvent

i don’t really know why, but i’m struggling a little bit at feeling desirable
#wyphvent

brain kinda wants to worry about being too attached to people at the wrong times, but i have to sleep
who knows if this thought will persist
#wyphvent

Another poem, melancholy this time
#wyphvent

i need to calm down
i’m in a state of worry that i’ve been too overwhelming, too demanding or needy, too expectant. i fear that i’ve hurt or made someone feel uncomfortable with me. i’m scared that my frequent worrying about everything is causing people to want to turn away from me
#wyphvent

i think my brain needs to learn that not being a part of something is ok, and that i’m not entitled to be invited to everything

brain is being mean by doing the thing:
i’m not included -> i’m not cared about
which is obviously not true

#wyphvent

ah yeah you know what’s probably going on
i was feeling amazing and cared for these past few days and my brain is like “ok, now what’s the trade-off?”, which is causing me to think negatively of myself

good that i can recognize this pattern of thinking though
#wyphvent

why is talking genuinely so hard augh
reaching out makes me so nervous
#wyphvent

it's funny how my brain can switch from absolute dopamine to being depressed and anxious

#wyphvent maybe? idk

agh there are people i want to be better friends with but it’s so hard reaching out if they don’t know you well already
#wyphvent

aaaaanyways

i love feeling socially awkward almost all the time
social anxiety is actually so annoying to deal with
#wyphvent

gonna start using the tag #wyphvent for any venting posts of mine, feel free to mute that tag if you don’t wanna see that