Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's ok, he woke up.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Always bring out your inner child. Be young at heart everywhere you go. Truly I tell you - you will only be welcome at the kingdom of heaven if you change and become like little children.' (Matthew 18:2-3)

#BibleVerses #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay

What do you call a singer who can repair and alter clothing really really quickly?
Tailor Swift.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke #TaylorSwift

Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven - everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf.
But did he listen?

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

There is currently a lot of heartache and sadness in the world right now. So if you have the power to make people happy, do it! The world needs more of that. 🙂 #ChooseKindness

#GoodVibes #inspirational #quotes

I've been thinking about taking up meditation.
I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Ariana Grande - No Tears Left To Cry (Piano Cover) YouTube video by Thomas G

Here I am playing 'No Tears Left To Cry' by Ariana Grande on the piano. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=at5n...

#NoTearsLeftToCry #ArianaGrande #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I was at the bank this morning and I asked a man if he could check my balance.
So he pushed me over.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.' (Philippians 4:6)

#VerseOfTheDay #God #Christianity

Today my 4 year old son said to me, 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?'
I replied, 'No, I don't think they'll fit me.'

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

If you receive an email with the subject line 'Processed Canned Meat' - don't open it.
It's spam.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times; they can only make you stronger. 🙂

#BePositive #InspirationalQuotes #happy

Today my doctor said to me 'You're starting to lose your hearing.'
I said, 'Sorry what did you say?'

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

I Got Gooey, Sticky Custard Dumped All Over Me!! | Getting Slimed YouTube video by Thomas G

Here I am getting gooey, sticky custard dumped all over me! It was so much fun. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm0A...

#slimed #gunged #messy #FoodFight #fun #HavingFun #YouTubeVideo

My job is so boring - all I do is crush cans all day.
It's soda pressing.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. He consoles and comforts the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:17-18)

#Christianity #BibleVerses #Jesus

It's so easy to make my daughter's favorite dessert.
It's a piece of cake.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

I hate going to funerals at dawn.
I'm just not a mourning person.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Some of you don't even realize how much you light up rooms and inspire people just by being yourself. You are literally so magnetic and you don't even realize it. You are amazing! Remember that. 🙂 #CelebrateLife

#quotes #happiness #QuoteOfTheDay

I was at a restaurant today, and the waiter asked me 'Do you want to hear today's special?'
I replied, 'Yes please.'
The waiter said, 'No worries. Today is special.'

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Taylor Swift - Shake It Off - Worst Karaoke Singing Ever! YouTube video by Thomas G

Here I am singing 'Shake It Off' by Taylor Swift. 🙂 youtube.com/watch?v=B7DG...

#ShakeItOff #TaylorSwift #karaoke #singing #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

Humans are actually born with 4 kidneys.
When we grow up, 2 of them become adult knees.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' (Matthew 6:34)

#Jesus #VerseOfTheDay #God

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'You know, one would have been enough.'

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Be kind, always. 🙂 The truth is, none of us really know how much someone else is hurting. We could be standing right beside someone who is completely broken and have no idea. #ChooseKindness

#happy #GoodVibes #inspirational

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant, so the manager decided to dim sum.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

The Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha - Worst Karaoke Singing Ever! YouTube video by Thomas G

Here I am singing 'Don't Cha' by The Pussycat Dolls. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a8C...

#DontCha #ThePussycatDolls #PussycatDolls #karaoke #singing #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I can ride a bike with the front tire raised off the ground.
I'm wheelie good at it.

@thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'You may have many anxieties and troubles, but the Lord will carry you through them all. He will protect all your bones; not one of them will be broken.' (Psalm 34:19-20)

#God #Christianity #BibleVerses