Starting the weekend with my favourite walk. ☀️
I hope you have a relaxing weekend, whatever that looks like for you.
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness
We know from all the research that having a partner who is securely attached is deeply healing for people with an insecure attachment style. And if you’re anxious try to avoid avoidant folks when dating, as this is a classic combination and not great for either partner. 💚
#integrativetraumatherapy
If you didn’t get to have fun as a kid – perhaps growing up in a very academic, unemotional family – could you create opportunities for fun, frivolity and play in your life?
Seek moments of joy, for you and your inner child, who is craving a bit more playfulness and childish silliness!
If you didn’t get seen and heard as a child, it’s important to surround yourself with people who get you. In some ways this is common sense, but iIf you have some friends who get you and others less so, spend more time with the first group, let them be the ones you are vulnerable with. 💫
Every kid deserves to be loved, cherished and allowed to flourish. If any of those things didn’t happen for you, that’s deeply unfair. I very much hope you can start getting some of those needs met now. ❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork
Wishing you a calm and restful weekend ahead. 🙏🏼
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness #therapy #psychology #mentalhealth #IFS #danroberts #integrativetraumatherapy #healyourtrauma
A metaphor that seems to resonate with my clients when their Emotional Deprivation schema is triggered, is like having a hole in your chest that can never be filled.
But these needs can be met, over time, both by your wise, Compassionate Self and by fostering loving, supportive relationships.
If any of these core needs were not met for you as a child, that would have been painful and possibly caused long-lasting difficulties. It would have led to the formation of one or more schemas, which profoundly affect the way you think, feel and behave as an adult. ❤️
#trauma #psychology
Schemas are neural networks in the brain holding information, which comprises ways of thinking, feeling and beliefs. When the schema gets triggered, it can also influence your behaviour in all sorts of ways. And the schema that forms when we experience neglect is called Emotional Deprivation.
When you think of a child being physically neglected, it’s easy to understand what that looks like.
It might be harder to understand a child experiencing emotional neglect, partly, as I often say to my clients, because this is about the absence of good things rather than the presence of bad ones.❤️🩹
If you are suffering right now for any reason, sending you love, metta and healing thoughts.❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness #therapy #psychology #mentalhealth #IFS #danroberts
With the louder, harsher Inner Critics, we often need to start by setting some boundaries. This takes a great deal of practice, because when you start responding to your Critic the impulse is to fight back – if they swear at you and call you names, you may want to shout right back at them.
One message I always give my clients is that Inner Critics are strong, stubborn and determined, because they are trying to protect you from a (real or imagined) disaster.
They are not bad, just misguided. But, as with a real person, it’s not acceptable for anyone to shout or be abusive to you.
Most Critics try to motivate you with tough love: Try Harder! Do better! Push on through the pain! And their aim is also protective, as they want you to try harder so you don’t fail, get judged and criticised by significant others, then feel the hurt and shame that triggers.
#innercritic #trauma
Genuine revolutions – changes that reduce the suffering in your life, while increasing happiness and contentment – take time. They are a process, not a Shazam! moment of instant improvement.
Change is incremental, and it requires effort and determination, so we need to work at it. ❤️
Let’s try New Year’s Revolutions, instead of resolutions. ❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness #therapy #psychology #mentalhealth #IFS #danroberts #integratedtraumatherapy #healyourtrauma
Happy New Year! ❤️
This year, let’s try something different. Instead of resolutions that don’t stick, how about creating gradual revolutions that are, as the name suggests, genuinely life-changing.
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness
I appreciate every single one of you. I am so grateful for that and for all of you – thank you and wishing you all the love, happiness and serenity you so deserve in 2026 🙏🏼
#danroberts #integratedtraumatherapy #healyourtrauma
As the year draws to a close, I would like to thank you all for your kindness, support and lovely feedback this year. I’m also grateful for everyone who has purchased something from my non-profit store, which has helped me offer free or low-cost therapy and other resources to those who need them. 🙏🏼
Genuine revolutions take time. They are a process, not a moment of instant improvement.
It requires effort and determination – change can be hard, so we need to work at it. But, crucially, it is also achievable, if we’re patient and put the work in.
Every kid deserves to be loved, cherished and allowed to flourish. If any of those things didn’t happen for you, that’s deeply unfair. I very much hope you can start getting some of those needs met now. ❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #integratedtraumatherapy #healyourtrauma
From the bottom of my heart, I wish every one of you a restful, restorative, joyful holiday season. And for those of you feeling more dread than excitement about the holidays, sending love, warmth and metta from my heart to yours. 🎄❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork
If you’re not celebrating Christmas this year, for whatever reason, I would like to send you some non-festive, every-day-of-the-year love and the warmest of thoughts, because I know this time of year can be very hard indeed. ❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork
If you find Christmas a struggle, let’s imagine that the 25th is just another day. There is no more nor less reason to feel happy, excited, fulfilled or match up to some perceived way of living your life than any other day.
We don’t need to find reasons to pile pressure on ourselves to be happy ❤️
If you didn’t get seen and heard as a child, it’s important to surround yourself with people who get you. If you have some friends who get you and others less so, spend more time with the first group, let them be the ones you are vulnerable with, to whom you reach out for support in hard times. ❤️
We cannot cut the Critic out of our psyche. It’s a fundamental part of us and is not going anywhere. So the question then is, how can we turn the volume down on this relentless inner judge?
Helping them change that takes time, but I know from personal experience it is entirely possible.
Changing your Inner Critic is not easy.
Start changing I am to You are. So, I am stupid becomes You are stupid. Then, we change from I don’t like myself, to A part of me doesn’t like me.
This can make all the difference, because now there is a part of you being critical and another you who is not.
I now understand that my Critic was just freaking out. He was trying to motivate me to make better decisions… It’s just that his method (yelling in my ear all day) sucked.
Once we start to get that the Critic’s intention is always good, it’s the first step in befriending them.
If you are feeling beat down right now, sending you love and strength, whatever you may be going through. ❤️
#trauma #schematherapy #traumahealing #traumatherapy #partswork #mindfulness #therapy #psychology #mentalhealth #IFS #danroberts #integratedtraumatherapy #healyourtrauma
Most people I work with have an inner monologue dominated by their Inner Critic, which is relentlessly harsh, negative and self-lacerating. This is especially true for people who experienced significant trauma in childhood, because this always seems to lead to a critical, negative inner voice.