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Hashtag
#BadWritingTIps
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I having one of those days when I start writing an article about Topic A, then realize halfway through that I am (much to my surprise) actually writing an article about Topic B, and have to go back and change all the framing.
This, unfortunately, is how I write most of my articles.
#BadWritingTips
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Write infrequently, when genius strikes you, preferably only ever whilst reclining on a Persian rug in Provence #badwritingtips
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If your current WIP isn't as strong as you like, try switching the font to Bookman Old Style.
Will it improve your writing? No. But it might LOOK better. #badwritingtips
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When writing a sex toy review, be as coy as humanly possible. Euphemisms are your friend. #BadWritingTips
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#BadWritingTips If you must have a conversation between two women, at least have them talk about a man. Don't want to lose half the audience
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#BadWritingTips Be sure to work current internet memes into the dialogue. It will seem charmingly nostalgic by the time the books comes out.
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#BadWritingTips If you can't think of what should happen next, just open TV Tropes and click on "random". "Non-nude bathing" it is!
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#BadWritingTips Always explain every joke you make (the opposite of what you should do, in keeping with the theme of this trend, get it?)
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#BadWritingTips Your protagonist needs a flaw, like "no respect for authority", "cares too much", or "so beautiful it's a curse"
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#BadWritingTips Always base the description of your main character on a famous actor, to help with casting the film adaptation.
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#BadWritingTips No one really knows what all those sciencey words mean, just use them however you think sounds good.
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#BadWritingTips A twist should come as a total surprise, so avoid any foreshadowing. Ideally have the plot explicitly contradict the twist.
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#BadWritingTips Make your protagonist as bland as possible. Readers can only emphasise with characters who are exactly as boring as they are
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#BadWritingTips If your book involves magic you don't need to care about consistency. Any plot holes are explained by "Magic is mysterious".
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#BadWritingTips Iv yor caracter's from annover cunttry, spel all der dialog rong to show 'e's gotta aksent.
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#BadWritingTips In sci-fi, be sure to prefix every other noun with "Space", "Laser" or "Cyber", to make sure everyone knows it's the future.
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#BadWritingTips Make at least one reference to a religious concept per line. Don't worry if it makes no sense, that just shows it's deep.
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When writing software marketing material, do remember to include "revolutionary", "unique" and "innovative" #badwritingtips
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Use "cocktail" instead of boring old "mix" and "a slew of" instead of "many" at every - and I mean every - opportunity #badwritingtips
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Use snappy American-style words. Like elevator for lift, automobile for car, utilize (note that zappy zee!) for use #badwritingtips
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Use polysyllabic Latinate words, and as many of them as possible, in every sentence #badwritingtips
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@BillCorbett please make sure to tell me what every characters eyes are doing at all times #BadWritingTIps
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