#𝗙𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰:

#HotFrosty: bsky.app/profile/laur...

#MeetMeNextChristmas: bsky.app/profile/laur...

#OurLittleSecret: bsky.app/profile/laur...

#ARoyalCorgiChristmas: bsky.app/profile/laur...

#OperationMistletoe: bsky.app/profile/laur...

#ChristmasInPineValley: bsky.app/profile/laur...

(3/4)

The guy who can't cum unless families own and run their own farms has CHANGED HIS MIND! His orders are back on, so they're NOT gonna lose the farm! Too bad they already packed up all of their shit in that montage scene! #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

He rescinds all of his business offers and leaves in a huff! Now she's apologizing to Hot Guy, and asking him to tell the 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 truth in his article. He's having emotions, I guess! Meanwhile, Mary and Carlos have gotten engaged, despite having never even kissed! Okay, sure! #ChristmasInPineValley

OMG WAIT SORRY! Hot Guy looks like the super-hot guy in Love Actually who almost bones Laura Linney! I think I was subconsciously thinking "Love Actually" when I saw him, which made my brain go "Keira Knightley with a beard." But that was before this movie made me straight 🙏 #ChristmasInPineValley

omfg u guys i am dying BFF goes "I'm so sorry!" and runs off in tears and Fake Fiancé runs after her but they literally NEVER show the waiter guy getting up or make any mention of if he's okay 🤣🤣🤣

#ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

...THIS HAPPENS!! 🤯 Are you fucking KIDDING me?? This might be the most elaborate stunt I have EVER seen in one of these movies! Is that guy DEAD?!? #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Now we're at a Christmas dance and everyone is White Person Dancing™️, including the one character who is not white. (Did you guess? It's Carlos.) #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

BFF and Lead Chick just had a tender scene together and they LEGIT had more sexual chemistry than Lead Chick and Hot Guy, despite the fact that they are straight best friends pretending to be sisters. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Okay, anyway: BFF had told her crush to be a more convincing Fake Fiancé to Lead Chick, since Hot Guy seems not to ne buying it. This has made Fake Fiancé sad, because he *also* has a crush on BFF!! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!? #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

It's a CHOP OFF! Everyone is horny! 🪵🥵🪵🥵🪵

#ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Holy shit; Lead Chick and Hot Guy are in town and they just bumped into the guy who is OBSESSED with FAMILY-RUN FARMS! He just canceled a huge order with a *different* farm because he found out that they were NOT ACTUALLY FAMILY-RUN! This is what we call "stakes." #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Uh oh! Hot Guy is helping the "family" in the kitchen, but BFF and Fake Fiancé are flirting up a storm because they are dumb and forgot that he's supposed to be engaged to Lead Chick. WHAT A MESS!! #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

The Fake Fiancé guy is also very hot. He looks like young Luke Wilson. Is this movie making me straight?? #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

(This movie is kind of like if Twelfth Night was written by someone very dumb who was obsessed with the concept of journalistic integrity.)

#ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Okay: I almost NEVER do this in my #Flansmas threads, but I'm afraid I must show you this very brief scene so that you can appreciate Hot Guy's acting:

#ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

You guys, Hot Guy and Lead Chick just almost smooched, despite having built up NO rapport?? Like, literally NONE. It was BONKERS. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Also, the two older people who work at the farm (Aunt Mary and Uncle Carlos) are pretending to be married, and they are also SUPER INTO EACH OTHER for reals. Hot Guy is having dinner with the "family" and they're making up a story about how they met. I am bored. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

He just made her blush by referencing a piece of writing from her blog that he claims was "one of the best I've ever read." So we can assume that this man has never read a book ever. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Uh oh: it was just revealed that they're in money trouble and are gonna LOSE THE FARM if they lose that big-ass order! So everyone has agreed to pretend to be a family. Lead Chick is giving Hot Guy a tour of the farm. You guys...his acting. It is as bad as he is beautiful. #ChristmasInPineValley

Oh, never mind; he's already like "jk I'm an investigative journalist 🤪" So now only Lead Chick is lying. Also, I regret to inform you guys that Hot Guy *truly* cannot act, bless his hot af heart. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

So far, there is an opening monologue voice over that truly feels like it has been going on for my entire adulthood. #ChristmasInPineValley #Flansmas

Turns out that in 2021, MarVista was acquired by Fox. I suspect this is what led to much of their content sucking less, which is obviously TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. That said: #ChristmasInPineValley looks to me like old school MarVista. So let's hope for a Christmas Eve miracle for tonight's #Flansmas!