It was a bountiful #Flansmas2025 which saw me live-post a whopping 10.5 made-for-TV Christmas movies (.5 because one was a spontaneous mini #Flansmas) 🙏 The movies were...

#ChristmasCasanova 🎧 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#CoupledUpForChristmas 👫 bsky.app/profile/laur...

(1/3)

Anyway, this was much closer to the quality ("quality") of movie I am looking for for #Flansmas, so that's good. Tag me if you watch it and have thoughts about the sister and the bartender!!!!! #CoupledUpForChristmas

Then Canadian Matilda GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE and PROPOSES TO GOOSE! GAAAAYYYYY! They are engaged! Lead Chick and PMPD are in love! I literally - LITERALLY - cannot believe Gay Sister and Black Woman Bartender did not get together I FEEL LIKE A SCENE WAS CUT FROM THIS MOVIE????? #CoupledUpForChristmas

A bad sketch of the leading man in this film that captures his rhombus head but is otherwise VERY UNFLATTERING.

*THIS* IS THE DRAWING THAT MADE HIM REALIZE THAT LEAD CHICK WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣 Also, he has been encouraging her this *entire* movie to give up being an accountant to become an artist I AM DECEASED 💀💀💀 Like, I'm sorry to whoever drew this but NO. #CoupledUpForChristmas

You guys: sometimes in one of these movies, something SO fucking dumb happens that I have to show it to you instead of trying to describe it. This is what happens when PMPD is waiting at the station to leave town. Remember when Lead Chick was secretly sketching him before...? #CoupledUpForChristmas

Then, truly the dumbest thing happens: Lead Chick and Gay Sister are at the bar talking to Black Woman Bartender (does she work EVERY shift? Damn). They make Lead Chick realize that she IS in love with PMPD, even though she has NEVER lost interest in Goose AT ALL. DUMB. #CoupledUpForChristmas

His ex is like "Congratulations on your engagement, but also I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE A WORKAHOLIC FLORIST." Then PMPD bonds with Lead Chick's dad and CALLS HIM A FATHER FIGURE. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

The next morning she tells PMPD "We need to stage a breakup!" so that Goose will dump Hot Matilda for her. PMPD seems bummed. He told her about HIS DEAD DAD. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

They are having a heart to heart. I guess he DID join the Peace Corps to try and get over her?? THE PEACE CORPS, BRO??? Goose is basically hitting on her BRO; HAVE YOU *SEEN* MATILDA?? SHE IS *HOT*. SHE MADE A *TOURNIQUET* OUT OF A *SCARF* YOU DUMB FUCK. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Also, I haven't mentioned this yet because it is boring but since it's CLEARLY going to be important later: PMPD has been encouraging Lead Chick to give up being an accountant to become an artist SOUND FINANCIAL ADVICE. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

PMPD bought her a fake engagement ring so that she can replace Goose's that SHE FUCKING STOLE. He fake proposes to her. That's weird. Now they're walking through the snow and SUPRISE; HE REVEALS THAT HIS DAD DIED AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME WHEN HE WAS 15! DRINK, BITCHES!! #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Now they're burning a Yule Log together which is a TOWN TRADITION. By the way, so far I am right about there being ZERO other Black people in this town. They are drawing their "intentions" on the Yule Log before they burn it like it's the fucking Secret or something. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Newly fake-engaged Lead Chick and PMPD are in town shopping for vintage decorations for the mom. PMPD is about to reveal why he has no Christmas traditions (it will ABSOLUTELY be because of a dead parent), but then the mom calls Lead Chick so we will HAVE TO WAIT. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Everyone thinks Lead Chick and PMPD are engaged, and they are HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT IT. Also, Matilda looks like Mischa Barton if she were pleasant. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

PMPD is trying to help her get the ring off but the mom sees and MISTAKENLY THINKS THEY HAVE GOTTEN ENGAGED; OH FUCK. Also, I know I referred to her as an "elderly woman," but she is MAYBE fifteen years older than the woman playing her daughter. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Also, you guys: all of the background music in this movie is VERY LOUD. Almost overbearingly so. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

We also learn that PMPD is a florist. He is A WORKAHOLIC FLORIST. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Now they have to run a bunch of errands for the mom for the Snow Ball. Goose and Lead Chick are all "LET'S SPLIT INTO TEAMS AND MAKE IT A COMPETITION!" PMPD and Matilda are like "We don't care about this." Gay Sister is like "I want to scissor the town bartender." #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Lead Chick is sketching up A STORM because she is sad. PMPD asks her sister if he should comfort her as her fake boyfriend, and Gay Sister says he should let her "sketch it out." She has her hair down now and looks like Alyson Hannigan, a QUEER ICON. It's ALL ADDING UP! #CoupledUpForChristmas

PMPD reveals that him and his ex broke up because he has trouble opening up and also is A WORKAHOLIC; WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED? But now he is ready to open up and also WORK LESS. Lead Chick gets sad because Goose and Hot Matilda put up the tree, which used to be *THEIR* THING. #CoupledUpForChristmas

I just noticed that Poor Man Patrick Dempsey's head is a *perfect* rhombus. He has a rhombus head. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

a smol dachshund-mix looking extremely edible

(Sorry, but look at my son HE IS SO CUTE 😭 I just had to take a quick break to sing him a little song about how I want to eat him 🥺)

#CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Unfortunately, what happens next is even gayer than that: Bearded Boyfriend is on a ladder and a Christmas tree FALLS OVER onto this bearded bitch and KNOCKS HIM TO THE GROUND. He's all "WAAAAH, MY SHOULDER! 😭" and Matilda swoops in and MAKES A TOURNIQUET OUT OF HER SCARF. #CoupledUpForChristmas

THEY ARE STRINGING LIGHTS ON A CHRISTMAS TREE AND I AM 95% SURE THAT LEAD CHICK'S SISTER JUST SUBTLEY CAME OUT TO BLACK WOMAN BARTENDER, WHO DEFINITELY CLOCKED IT. OH MY GOD. #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

ARE BLACK WOMAN BARTENDER AND LEAD CHICK'S SISTER MAYBE GAY FOR EACH OTHER??? In a movie this boring, this would *truly* be a Christmas miracle 🙏 #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

(P.S. Not saying this movie is VERY boring, but I *did* fall asleep in the middle of writing that last skeet.)

#CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Wait, I think they're actually all staying at a ski lodge? This would explain not only all the exposed wood, but also why Goose and Matilda and also Goose's parents are all staying there, too? But the mom is fully acting like this is their house? #CoupledUpForChristmas #Flansmas

Last night I was debating between #ChristmasCasanova and #CoupledUpForChristmas, so tonight for #Flansmas I will try the latter. We'll see if it's any better (read: worse).