Why did the clock phone the ruler? Because desperate times call for desperate measures. #JokeFriday
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Ironman should really be a woman. After all, he is a Fe male. #JokeFriday
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I've heard via the rumour mill, that Spandau Ballet are to reunite and releasing a new version of one of their big hits from the 80s. I wonder if it's true ?
#JokeFriday
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I was going to post about joke about sodium. But then I thought, Na.
#JokeFriday
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What's the difference between a brothel and a circus?
A circus is cunning array of stunts, and a circus is a stunning array of...
#JokeFriday
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A man walks into a bar....ow! I got that joke from my brother. #jokefriday
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What breakdown seevice do scousers use?
The Ay Ay, Ay Ay Calmdown"
#JokeFriday
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Every time I go into the kitchen department of any shop, I steal a stand mixer or a hand mixer. You could say I am somewhat of a whisk taker. #JokeFriday #PoorJokeFriday
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Bought myself the new Rick Astley board game. When I read the instructions, they simply stated...
'You know the rules, and so do I.'
#JokeFriday
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What do you call a man being attacked by a cat ?
Claude.
#JokeFriday
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Jon: What's God's name ?
Alan: Howard.
Jon: How do you know God's name is Howard ?
Alan: Our father, who art in heaven. Howard be thy name.
#JokeFriday
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I've been eminiscing about my childhood of late. My dad would put me inside of a tyre and roll me down a steep hill. They were goodyears. #JokeFriday
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In News today, a man was in court for stealing a bag and was sentenced in just 3 minutes. It was a briefcase.
#JokeFriday
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Yesterday, I had a map of Italy tattooed on my chest.
Now I've got really sore Naples. #JokeFriday
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Just bought myself a first aid kit. I thought I'd treat myself. #JokeFriday
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Did you know that you can get anyone to go out with you if you give them tonic water?
You'll be able to Schweppes them off their feet! #JokeFriday
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I come from a family of failed magicians...
I've got two half sisters. #JokeFriday
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RIP to a mate of mine,
his wife sent him out to get some sewing thread but ended up in the pub all day.
Gone but not for cotton. #JokeFriday
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Last night, someone broke in and took half a dozen eggs, and left a saucepan of warm water. Police believe it was poacher. #JokeFriday
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I inherited a Motown wardrobe from my grandad. It’s only got four tops in it. #JokeFriday
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I watched a film last night that was set around a tea plantation in India.
It was rated PG. #JokeFriday
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A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a pub.
The barman says to the rabbit,
"What you havin?"
The rabbit replies, "I dono. I'm only here because of autocorrect."
#JokeFriday
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I told a joke about VAR the other day. I hope it didn't cross the line. #JokeFriday
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Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died in 1744 aged 43, though his rival Fahrenheit was convinced he was 109. #JokeFriday
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Jack applied for the role of Father Christmas at the grotto in town. He got the sack on his first day.
#JokeFriday #DadJoke #ChristmasJoke
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David: I have a half brother.
Jon: Different fathers?
David: No. Shark attack.
#JokeFriday
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Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lipstick. #JokeFriday #NaughtyJoke
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My next-door neighbour, Ena, is such a happy person. Whenever I say,"Hi Ena,
she just laughs and laughs. #JokeFriday
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I've never seen the film The Hunt For Red October.
I just don't films with sub titles. #JokeFriday
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Child: Dad, can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on. #JokeFriday #Firstskeet
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