Ms Spancme Hardyr is retiring from the BDSM business. So, we had a whip round for her. #JokeThursday
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What should you do if nobody is laughing at your chemistry joke?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
#JokeThursday
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What do you call a chicken painting a box junction?
A chicken who criss-crossed the road.
#JokeThursday #Oldie
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I took up Semaphore as a hobby last year, but now my enthusiasm is flagging.
#JokeThursday
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It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
#JokeThursday
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I was in Bevans earlier. I asked a young woman in there, "What do you think is best for removing grease on an oven door?"
She said, "ammonia cleaner".
"Sorry, I thought you worked here."
#JokeThursday
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I bought a head of lettuce from a fruit and veg shop called Mammas and Papas on a winter's day.
After a few days left in the fridge, I had to throw it out because all the leaves were brown.
#JokeThursday
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What is faster than an escalator ?
An escasooner
#JokeThursday #FirstJokeOf2026
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The Bayeux Tapestry is not historically accurate.
The events have been embroidered. #JokeThursday
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I met a homeless secret agent the other day.
He said, "The name's Bond, Vagabond." #JokeThursday
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Absolutely gutted!
Kajagoogoo are doing a pop up gig in a few weeks, and tickets have just gone on sale for £60, but I’ve only got £58. #JokeThursday
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I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels.
She said, "Yes, try Sarah Topps.” #JokeThursday
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My anagram solver is stuck on demo-mode. #JokeThursday
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Being a CADW member, I visited a local castle recently. As I approached, I heard the castle cussing. Apparently, it had turrets.
(I'll get my coat.)
#JokeThursday
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Just bought a new first aid kit.
Thought I’d treat myself. #JokeThursday
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Why can't cross dressing pilots fly?
Too much drag.
#JokeThursday
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I met a girl at school. We used to meet in Physics, History, Geography, and Biology. We didn’t last as there was no chemistry. #JokeThursday
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Did you hear about the magician who had his tricks confiscated by the magic circle? He was disillusioned.
#JokeThursday
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What happens when Catwoman kisses Batman?
The Dark Knight rises. #JokeThursday
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I found a random piece of a jigsaw in my car today , I’ve no idea where it came from.
It’s a bit of a puzzle. #JokeThursday
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We were so poor growing up that we couldn't afford shoes. We used to cover our feet in bubble wrap and then pop to the shops. #JokeThursday
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I'm quite excited about the amateur autopsy club I just joined.
Tuesday is open Mike night!
#JokeThursday
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Baldwin is a cool name. it is the opposite of hairloss. #JokeThursday
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🚨 BREAKING NEWS! 🚨
Engineers have just made a car that can run on parsley...
Now they’re hoping to make buses & trains that run on thyme! #JokeThursday
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Do you call a medieval spy?
Sir Veillance. #JokeThursday
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My mate went to see his GP, "I can’t stop telling airport jokes," he told her.
"There's nothing to worry about," she told him, "It’s not terminal."
#JokeThursday
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Plastic surgeons are the only people who actually encourage you to pick your nose. #JokeThursday
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What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope? They kaleidoscope. #JokeThursday
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I'm reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in Italy. It's a Rome ants novel. #JokeThursday
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Scientists have discovered that trees communicate with each other via a ststem known as What Sap. #JokeThursday
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