And yes, this was when my life peaked.
#NotEvenJoking
I was Cub of the Year in 1985, and I can assure you that I’m not ceremonially handing that award over to anyone for any reason.
#NotEvenJoking
WARNING: This movie is not fit for human consumption. Seriously. 😅
#DontDoIt
#NotEvenJoking
So, the people of the United States of America may need to take out a restraining order against their President and executive
#NotEvenJoking
#Extortion101
#Epstein
#PaedophileTrump
They recruited for the Diddymen from our junior school. I was rejected for being too tall. In a cruel twist of fate, I never grew taller. #NotEvenJoking
Had a walk round the park before a Tesco breakfast, life doesn't get better than this. #notevenjoking
Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the kings - Chas n Dave #totp #notevenjoking
Just got off the phone with one of Australia’s major banks to try and unlock a failed passcode.
Obviously offshored their help desk, given the language difficulties.. and the background noises of villagers, chickens and a ROOSTER, in full voice, crowing in the background.
#NotEvenJoking 😳
Dunno if anyone else feels like this but my first reaction when I wake up is literally ‘ahhh fuck.’ 😔 #NotEvenJoking
#JustOldAge
PROTOTYPE AND SCAG LOVE U 5EVER #NOTEVENJOKING #SOSERIOUS
OK, so what’s the betting that Trump will fire his “smart!”™ missiles at Syria at around 10 p.m. EDT this Sunday ? #TrumpRussia #notevenjoking
“ABC: Comey compares Trump to mob boss”
Holy crap... Dare I say it? Mad Max: Fury Road just surpassed Avengers for film of the summer. Yup. #NotEvenJoking
(This seriously IS my "go to" Karaoke song) #totp #notevenjoking
#subbanwatch my 14 year old may go thermonuclear any second now. The stress is causing him to vibrate. #notevenjoking
Sometimes when I need a laugh-in-a-hurry, I bring up this picture of @WalksWithWine's cat. #NotEvenJoking
George Takei has his own fragrance called "Eau My." #notevenjoking
I guess @pinnable is punishing me now. Just got 33 more emails. #NotEvenJoking
Looking fwd to taste testing some @ChopinVodka today for my blog. Gettin' the grandparents involved. #NotEvenJoking
We are doomed people. Just walked past a dine-in Greggs. #notevenjoking
An Excel wizard showed me her Excel spreadsheets yesterday and it exploded my brain. Excel is amazing. #notevenjoking #help
And now, life changing words on stage about Carnie Wilson's flatulence. #NotEvenJoking #WilsonPhillips #WhatisHappening @Mkr512
Teenagers' music selection is way too hipsters. I'm rocking out to One Direction. #NotevenJoking #yardsale #NeverTooOld
We fed the teens a nutritious meal (read: @McDonalds). Have resumed ride 2 #CAllahfornia w/ The Lion King. #notevenjoking #theyvotedonit
Celebrating Rapture Day watching a Turkish ninja movie. #NotEvenJoking