“I am no longer frightened!!—OW I just stubbed my toe REALLY bad”
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"Can I use my action to try and free you from the kraken's grapple? I'm worried about you losing your spirit guardians.
...oh, and also about you getting swallowed. I guess."
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"In the words of the mighty Marthammor Duin .... YOLO"
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"Don't touch his taint!"
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"I don't honestly remember why we were getting on the boat."
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"Come on, Jorcie, let's make some great decisions!"
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"You killed my dad!"
"Hey, we've killed a lot of people, buddy."
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"Moog will keep an eye out for vendors selling drinks that are particularly flammable."
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"Ahead there's a sign with specific directions to the town of FaraMio."
"And I walk right past it."
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"I know some good pigeons there. Actually, one of those f#@king pigeons owes me money..."
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"Inside of us there are two bears. One of them doesn't have a face."
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"You just ingested an undead bear. Did you notice that?"
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"Jorcerer, stop rustling your underbrush!"
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"I've got an ass like a bunch of grapes..."
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"Finally, some f%$king whimsey!"
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DM: "roll for intelligence."
Druid: 7
Paladin: 10
Ranger: 1
Bard: "I'm still trying to find my intelligence roll"
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#ThatsHowIRoll
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If you'd like to hear more of the madness I've been posting, tune in to our shows on the Authors & Dragons Youtube channel! www.youtube.com/@AuthorsandD...
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"I want to let it out, and I want to let it out loud."
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"Mr Potato Head stuffed the ballot box!"
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"Blame it on a pigeon."
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"I shoot webs from my wonder!"
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"Claudia wants to stuff her pockets with mashed potatoes."
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"He's already covered in potato. Why are people voting for him?"
"Hey, I licked that off!"
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"Look at Jorcerer over there greasing palms."
"That's just ham."
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"This is going to get Willy Wonka really f**ing fast."
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"I'm just imagining the Jorcerer balloon getting loose and bumping against some kid's window in the middle of the night."
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"No one will notice if the woman with a dead koala on her face leaves the room."
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"It's entirely possible everyone ahead of me in this queue could have some kind of sword-based accident."
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"Jorcerer darling, you look radiant!"
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"Let's brush our teeth, have mimosas, pay off a crime boss."
"There are other options."
"Well, we don't HAVE to brush our teeth."
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