You know you've hit rock bottom or the closest to the edge you can be before you just jump, when you're sobbing on a public bathroom floor at work for almost an hour.
#ptsd #ptsdsucks #swayingnearedge #justdoit
I’ve been struggling with this for at least a couple weeks and now that I’ve spoken about it with my life recovery small group, my sponsor and my psychotherapist, I’m finally ready to talk about it publicly. When I was told in 2019/2020 that I “needed” surgery (I’m not convinced I truly needed it as I no longer trust the doctor who pressured me into surgery and operated on me), I was given a number of options for which surgery I would have. I laid those options before the Lord and He led me to the surgery that ultimately led to the loss of my physical independence and everything material that I had in this world - my job, my home, my access to my church building, and the ability to come and go as I please and manage my own
affairs. Now that I’m faced with another surgical decision, I want to lay it before Him and let Him choose what I do… but I feel betrayed. Not just by the surgeons. I feel betrayed by God. And I’m angry. I’m PISSED. But at the same time, my relationship with Jesus is the only thing truly sustaining me through this. I never thought I’d have PTSD from trusting God. But now that I have options before me as to how to proceed, I want to give them to God and let Him decide again, but I’m having flashbacks to the last time I let Him decide and the suffering that has resulted since. There’s of course the possibility that
it wasn’t God who led me into this season, but that just calls into question my own ability to discern His direction by way of the Holy Spirit, which feels just as troubling. I know I’ll continue to do what I can to give the Lord control, because that’s the only way I know how to exist anymore. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
#suffering #PTSDsucks #KingdomOfGod #dontgiveup #medicaltrauma
#holiness #joyoftheLord #faithinChrist #narrowpath #righteousness #theGospel #discipleship #sanctification #godliness #refinement #pruning #donotgiveup #enduretotheend #inChrist #relationshipwithGod #abundantlife #uncomfortablegrace
Deliverance doesn’t mean that God will remove all of our trouble, but that He will walk with us through it!!!
#suffering #PTSDsucks #KingdomOfGod #dontgiveup #medicaltrauma #holiness #joyoftheLord #faithinChrist #narrowpath #righteousness #theGospel #discipleship #sanctification #godliness #refinement #pruning #donotgiveup #enduretotheend #inChrist #relationshipwithGod #abundantlife #uncomfortablegrace
When they come home and don't even ask why you have s bandaid acrossed the top of your head. Do I exist other than when you want someone to talk to or do things for you?
#invisible #ptsd #ptsdsucks
Sometimes I wonder what people think of my music when I'm in a depression. Is it noticeable? Then I remember,I'm invisible, no one sees me here.
#invisibledragon #brokendragon #ptsdsucks #ptsdawareness
I really don't want to be alone tonight, but no one to call to come over. Fuck it all. #DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
Why are people still blowing things up?!?!
😫 💥 🤬
#SilentFireworks
#StopBlowingThingsUp
#ItsThe6th
#PTSDSucks 😖
I screamed "KNOCK IT OFF" and then "KNOCK IT *THE FUCK* OFF" at my neighbors #PTSDSucks
Rather was commencement speaker when I graduated SU in '84. Pissed my mother (who raised me on 60 Minutes instead of Disney Sunday nights) off, no end (Damned Socialist!).
Journalism MEANT something back then, but I was too traumatized to continue. Rapes, muggings, gunpoint robbery. #PTSDSucks
Okay back for a bit, I told my therapist I would interact with people for at least 15 minutes each afternoon. 🤣🤣🤣
So here we go interacting
#MentalHealth #PTSDSucks
Why have I been feeling so meh lately, or worse, super depressed? #FuckItAll #DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
Yep, it's just another lonely night... #DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
I'm sick and tired, lonely and horny and super poor. I need to go to the grocery store, but I don't have the energy to walk the mile to the grocery store. #PovertySucks ##DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
I also just took my sleep meds. That might work tonight.
I've been on the verge of tears all day... #DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
Another depressing posy because life sucks.
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
I did my best not to doom scroll today, and even so, I'm still depressed.
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
Didn't feel well today, took a nap. Woke up, Colleen's face was level with my eyes. Mutual slow blinks, a gentle paw to the cheek. As an Emotional Support Animal, the Crown Princess is there for me when I wake up, particularly when I'm having a bad dream. #PTSDsucks
Yep, this year is starting out pretty depressing.
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
So very depressed and alone.
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
I enjoy the movie Welcome to Marwen. Having been beaten myself, but not as bad as Hoggie, I just wish I had a Nicol to save me...
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
I miss the person I used to be :(
#ptsdsucks
Mary - watching you right now and can see the deep hurt you're experiencing. Of course it's traumatic. This isn't your fault! That's the main thing... #PTSDsucks
I'll be 50 next year. These lonely nights hurt. I've been single for over 20 years. 😢
#DepressionSucks #AnxietySucks #PTSDSucks
PTSD episode day 2. It's now joined forces with an autism meltdown to make me completely and totally non functional. Also triggered my self harm patterns so trying to keep myself away from that at the same time. Deactivated my Facebook as well. Not that anyone will ever read this. #ptsdsucks
