Daughter (6-yo): I saved four grapes for you, but then you took too long so I ate them.

#ParentingLOL
#Parenting
#KidsSky

11-year-old-son: D&D is soooooooo fun!!!

Me: I think this is the happiest day of your Dad’s life.

#D&D #DnD #DungeonsAndDragons #TTRPG
#ParentingLOL
#Parenting

Got the 11-year old a phone for their birthday. Joke’s on him, I know how to use the phone feature to make his phone ring… early in the morning.

For example I rang repeatedly) him at 7:00 am this school holiday to remind him he promised to make bread.

#ParentingLoL
#meanmom

6 yo twins playing legos

Twin 2: Pretend that I love you with all my heart and can never leave you because one time when I was a baby you saved me when my parents died.

Twin 1: I’m a tree witch! I’m a tree witch. Ree tee tee witch!

#ParentingLOL
#Witchsky

6 yo: I want a new forehead, this one hurts!

#ParentingLOL

My mother packs my kids school lunches. Which is all kinds of awesome and she deserves all the praise. But, I have one quibble. How is it they be getting Cadbury mini eggs?!

#ParentingLOL
#Parents

I am publicly stating here that if my husband does me in tonight it was truly not his fault.

I led our three children to a massive chocolate stash, then told him I’m not feeling well and asked him to do a movie night and bedtime alone.

#ParentingLOL
#NontoxicMasculinity
#ParentnotBabysitter

How to get the van cleared out quickly:

Me: hey kids there’s a bunch of bins and bags in the van full of grandpas stuff.

Kids: ::eye rolls::

Me: Grandpa had a big chocolate stash and it’s hidden at the bottom of one of the bags or bins. You can have it if you bring them in.

#ParentingLOL

a woman in a blue shirt says there 's an aroma on the bottom Alt: The late, great Doris Roberts in her role as the mother on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond making a very slightly disgusted face with a caption reading “There’s An Aroma”.

This season of my life is a never ending game of “What is that smell and where is it coming from?!”

There is no winning this game.

#ParentingLOL

Me: you can be anything you want sweetie.

Gladys: YOU MEAN I CAN BE A CAT!!!

Me: O.o

#ParentingLOL
#Kidsky
#6yearoldsareveryliteral

The twins have taught the older #TwinLanguage and they’re all having a full conversation I can’t understand #FML

#ParentingLOL

#MisheardLyrics #Kids
"You are, on fire
My one, desire.
Believe what I say
I want it that way!"

#ParentingLOL
#Backstreetboys
#BSB
#WrongLyrics

I did not teach them Backstreet Boys! I blame the school system!

The twins discovered duct tape this evening…. How do I get duct tape glue off of everything? #parentinglol #momlife