Did you know: despite sinking over 100 years ago, the swimming pool on the Titanic is still filled with water!
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People thought I was upset to learn someone stole the 5th page of my calendar, but I was merely dismayed.
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I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs conference - all the seats were already taken..
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Studies show: people who have more birthdays live longer.
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Why do chickens only make one sound? Because, they never think outside the BAWKs.
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How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poker her face.
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When two pregnant women fight, is that what they call a mech-warrior battle?
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Pollen is what happens, when flowers can't keep it in their plants!
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What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
- A pool table.
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What do you call an indecisive potato?
- A hesitater.
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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night - I should have put it on aloha setting.
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The only thing Flat-Earthers have to fear, is sphere itself.
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I’d like to thank the sidewalks, for keeping me off the streets.
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Experience the New Era of Online Poker with PokerStars on FanDuel #United_States #New_York #FanDuel #PokerStars #online_poker
I went to the barber and said, "I want a haircut like Tom Cruise." They gave me a booster seat.
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A lion would never drive under the influence, but a Tiger Wood.
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What do you call a dog who meditates?
- Aware wolf.
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I told a joke on a zoom meeting, but nobody laughed. Turns out, I'm not even remotely funny..
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Never yell into a colander, you'll strain your voice!
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Camisa 10 do Santos se tornou assunto após dedicar mais de 16h do fim de semana à competição em meio ao controle de carga no Santos
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I'm so old, I remember when emotes were called hieroglyphs.
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Did you know: mayonnaise is just sandwich lotion.
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Why do pirates carry swords? Because swords can’t walk..
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What does a hot dog use for protection?
- Condoments!
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How do you make a pirate furious?
- You take away the P.
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Friendly heads up: the grass being greener on the other side, may be due to septic tank issues.
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I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
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What do you call a Roman with a cold?
- Julius Sneezer.
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