@sarahandco.bsky.social has been on a sponsored slim since New Year.
She now owes us all £50.
#ThisIsAllTrue
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My mate @kevinlovesguinness.bsky.social claims to cut his own beard.
I doubt that's the only thing he cuts. #ugly #ThisIsAlltrue
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Really? I thought the reason you wake up every morning is because of banging on you front door and some guy shouting "OPEN UP! WE NEED YOUR PC! IT'S THE MOUNTIES AND WE'VE GOT HORSES!" #ThisIsAllTrue
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Home energy prices in the UK are out of control!
My girlfriends, our kids and I are now eating baked beans and farting into the gas meter! 😳 #ThisIsAllTrue
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I live in the countryside. I've been fined £100 as my dog was seen sheep worrying!
Apparently he's been running across the fields shouting "MINT SAUCE! MINT SAUCE!" #ThisIsAllTrue
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I live in a very rough area. We all hack into the street lights for our electricity. #ThisIsAllTrue
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Have we finally made summer? It's so hot! I'm sweating like @rockinrich.bsky.social at his last bestiality trial! #ThisIsAllTrue
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I don't use Gemini but it sounds like you do....
More bro code secrets will soon be revealed!
We're on to you lot! Once we can buy a dildo that can put out the bins and mow the lawn you'll all go extinct! #ThisIsAllTrue
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My mate @kevinlovesguinness.bsky.social used to be a trucker. Terrible period as many hitch hikers and sex workers went missing.
He's now retired and it happens those crimes are down 99%. No correlation.
However there's a moose rapist living in his neighbourhood now! #ThisIsAllTrue
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How is it that Black rappers can use the N-word in songs yet I shout it ONCE at the kid who beat my daughter in the egg and spoon race at school sports day and I'm asked to leave?
It's one rule for one... I feel racially profiled! #ThisIsAllTrue 😉
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My mate @guido-pond.bsky.social was so unpopular as a kid that even his imaginary friend fucked off and played with the other kids! #ThisIsAllTrue
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My pal @sarahandco.bsky.social Eats 10 boiled eggs for breakfast every morning, Her farts are so eggy she once set the fire alarm off in the shard.
#ThisIsAllTrue.
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We have a Norman Bates in the village!!! This is NOT a Sez #ThisIsAllTrue joke!
Elderly guy lost his wife last year and is now wearing her clothes in public and using her name!!
Frocks, wig, earrings, shoes, handbag...
Sorry for his loss but that's proper fucked up! 😳😳😲
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My Friend
@sarahandco.bsky.social Employs a thousand red squirrels who track the the movements of the grey squirrel population. They uncover all of the hidden acorns, and sell them back to them. They are known as the Ruber Sciuridae Mafioso.
#ThisIsAllTrue
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I was with @iknowamirite.bsky.social today. He tried on an item of clothing and declared "Wow! I've not worn this in a decade and it still fits me!"
Me: "It's a fucking SCARF you fat bastard!" #ThisIsAllTrue
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@sarahandco.bsky.social was bragging that she knew a big word.
I said "what's the word?"
She said "Contagious".
I said "give me an example of it's use?"
She said "I saw the neighbour going to paint his fence with a half inch paint brush and thought "that'll take the contagious!"
#ThisIsAllTrue
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My mate @iand1878.bsky.social is an Everton supporter!
He's pleased the 1st team have all been fired and replaced by 11 arsonists!
Because that way they won't throw away their last few matches... #ThisIsAllTrue
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My mate @drvandermast.bsky.social is called Spiderman!
He has no super power! It's because at his age he finds it almost impossible to get out of the bath. Ever few months... #ThisIsAllTrue
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I went to the doctor and said that I thought that @sarahandco.bsky.social was dead.
The doctor said "What do you mean, you THINK she's dead - How do you not know?"
I said "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up in the kitchen!".
#ThisIsAllTrue
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It's a warm 18°C today and my wanker of a neighbour @rockinrich.bsky.social has challenged me to a water fight.
I'm just checking in on Bsky while I wait for the kettle to boil. #ThisIsAllTrue
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BREAKING: @duncanrgraham.bsky.social has all the sex appeal as a spot welder from Harrogate. #ThisIsAllTrue
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You still go swimming? I heard all the kids running and shouting annoyed you.
Shouting things like "That's the Mister, daddy!"
Then you were beaten up after the 'S' fell off your Speedos. #ThisIsAllTrue
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If you're @duncanrgraham.bsky.social you'd be reading a 'Big Milky Jugs' magazine. I say 'read' but it's more looking at the pictures and wanking. On a bus. Whilst grinning at pensioners. Again. #ThisIsAllTrue
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Mate, I heard you're so fucking ugly that before you look in a mirror you have to sneak up on your fucking reflection! #ThisIsAllTrue
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My mate @sarahandco.bsky.social Sells Sheard Sheep on the Seashore. Specifically in Saltburn on Saturdays.
#ThisIsAllTrue
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Scientists have developed a camera with a shutter speed SO FAST that it can capture @godfly.bsky.social closing his laptop when his partner walks in the room! #ThisIsAllTrue
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I hear @guido-pond.bsky.social and his girlfriend are perfect for each other!
He has a 9-inch penis and she doesn't know which end of a ruler to hold! #ThisIsAllTrue
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My buddy @sarahandco.bsky.social is convinced that traffic lights🚦 are made from flavoured sweets, so she always carries a small pair of step ladders around with her to check and do a lick test in every town she visits.
#ThisIsAllTrue
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@sarahandco.bsky.social phoned me up and asked for me help as she was in serious pain!
She said "If I touch my head it hurts, same for my shoulder, hips, knees and feet!".
I said "Sez, you're blonde, right?"
She said "Yeah, so?"
I said "You've got a broken finger!"
#ThisIsAllTrue
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