A drawing of me looking at my phone with dread: "This truly couldn't BE more inconvenient. Jobless, nazi government, insane climate events, literal genocide, literal genocide being considered a "passable" happenstance if the other candidate is blue. People are being abducted by our gestapo. And being trans is incredibly dangerous across the country." Next page; Me sitting with my arms folded looking frustrated, sad, and tired. "And I want to be a guy*?? But like, still nonbinary (transmasc) I really thought I had my gender sorted out by now, but I guess not..."
"It's not that I'm mad, I just really thought I was content being fem-presenting nonbinary. I say that... But history shows I've always yearned for more, for something different than what i currently am. Body hair, facial hair, bottom growth, a more masculine face..." This page has drawings of the different goals I have, things I want for my body. As well as a chart of my old hairstyles. "I also always felt a little silly, like I didn't "deserve" to have T because I don't have a ton of common dysphorias that disrupt my day-to-day." drawing of me grabbing my boob and saying "I like these things, actually". No chest or voice dysphoria. My bottom dysphoria felt too shallow for it to be "true dysphoria", whatever that means. drawing of me with my hand on my cheek with one tear saying: "sex would be way better for me with a dick..." Nurse, he's yearning for sensations he'll never have again....
four drawings: one with me on the phone being emotional, "Cries when researching Phalloplasty" One of me fantasizing about strong male characters and people (gender envy) Henry Cavill, Ennis brokeback mountain, My huge muscular OCs like Lack or Tathos. one of me admiring my strap-on one of me smiling neutrally with long hair; "Always felt like wearing makeup out of cosplay was more of a costume. Feels like a 3.5" But at the same time, I do things like this...? Like... Hello... -- Trying to get myself to practice what I preach has been... Difficult for some reason. a drawing of a scroll with a list: - u dont need dysphoria to be trans - u dont NEED T or surgery - being a fem t-guy is fine + normal - use whatever pronouns u want - there is no "right" way to be trans - everyones path looks different - everyone Get More Chill Now. "I never realized how much I didn't truly internalize most of these things. Everyone else is allowed grace, but rarely do I give it to myself..."
Back cover of the zine. The things I want are far from my reach, so I can only take things one day at a time. That's all I got rn tbh. Despite the horrors, WE. MUST. PERSIST. UHM thanks for reading :'D a drawing of me on my knees giving a nervous thumbs up to the viewer
2/2 #tdov #tmasc
i want to make another one to update where I'm at mentally with this :')
