Built a deck that's slowly becoming sentient and refusing to support people unless they compliment it

Before: Raw lumber. After: The world's first Narcissistic Deck™. 💅 It literally buckles if you don't hype its grain. My contractor screamed "structural failure," I say it has Standards. We are not the same. 🏗️✨ #EmotionalSupportBeams #WoodWeb3 #DIYDisasters