What disgruntled sounds did the young lady let out when she couldn't find her fuzzy boots?
Eggs!
#dadjoke
#baddadjokes

What does a French submissive neurologist say?

Le bottom, me!

#baddadjokes

a man in a suit and tie stands next to a woman with the words knock knock jehovah witness above them ALT: a man in a suit and tie stands next to a woman with the words knock knock jehovah witness above them

I invited a Jehovah’s Witness into my house yesterday, made some coffee and we sat down.

I asked him what he’d like to talk about.

He said, “I don’t fucking know, I never made it this far”.

#BadDadJokes

Why can’t you fart in the apple store?

Because it doesn’t have windows.

#BadDadJokes

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

#BadDadJokes #Buckets4Rent #dadjokesrule #happynewyear

Lovely. (I hope your broken elbow will heal soon.) #badDadjokes

a picture of a sheep with its tongue out and the words for real yay ALT: a picture of a sheep with its tongue out and the words for real yay

If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is known as the “Lamb Of God”, doesn’t it mean Mary had a little lamb?

#BadDadJokes

A woman attempted to cut off her boyfriend’s dingaling.

She missed and cut his thigh. She was charged with a misdaweiner.

#BadDadJokes

garfield looking at his reflection in a mirror with the nick logo in the background ALT: garfield looking at his reflection in a mirror with the nick logo in the background

Yesterday, I was staring at my naked, sexagenarian body in the mirror.

I got kicked out of IKEA.

#BadDadJokes

Können wir daraus einen hashtag machen? #BadDadJokes. Würde ich Feiern.

Hugo Gaston Stomp GIF ALT: Hugo Gaston Stomp GIF

Did you know?

It’s diarrhea awareness week.

It runs through Friday.

#BadDadJokes

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

#BadDadJokes

a man in a hospital gown asks if he farted ALT: a man in a hospital gown asks if he farted

I got a new stick of deodorant today.

The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.

#BadDadJokes

a man wearing a blue shirt with leopards on it says i might beat this thing ALT: a man wearing a blue shirt with leopards on it says i might beat this thing

What does the sign on an out of business brothel say?

“Beat it, we’re closed”.

#BadDadJokes

Sounds Pretty Good...
#BadDadJokes #dadjokesrule #happyfriday #WeAreTheAlliance

I did my first nude painting yesterday.

The neighbors weren’t impressed but the door looks really nice.

#BadDadJokes

I just found out you’re supposed to pee on a jelly fish sting, not a jelly stain.

My apologies to the waitress at Denny’s.

#BadDadJokes

I don’t know how any of my friends put up with me 😂 #fantasticfour #thething #bengrimm #humantorch #johnnystorm #baddadjokes #dadjokes #disneyland

a man is flying through the air with a youtube originals watermark ALT: a man is flying through the air with a youtube originals watermark

Did you know?

You don’t need a parachute to skydive.

You only need one if you want to do it again.

#BadDadJokes

Dog digging on the moon

Q. What would you name this dog on the moon?

A. The lunar Rover.

#BadDadJokes

Q. What would you name this dog on the moon?

A. The lunar Rover.

#BadDadJokes

#Space #DogsOfMastodon

What does a revolver in a cowboy's boot have in common with Boston's airport?
They are both a low gun.
#baddadjoke
#baddadjokes
#poo

A friend of ours suggested using horse manure on the strawberries.

I’m never doing that again, it was horrible. We’re going back to whipped cream.

#BadDadJokes

If it doesn't make dollars...
#BadDadJokes #Buckets4Rent #dadjokesrule #happyfriday

I’m so glad McDonalds doesn’t have hotdogs.

I can’t imagine asking for a McWeiner and please supersize it!

#BadDadJokes

Looking forward to Call of Doody, where you get to play a marine squad monitoring bathrooms in blue cities #baddadjokes

Call of Doody?

#baddadjokes

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
#BadDadJokes #Buckets4Rent #dadjokesrule #happyfriday