Fire services were called to a school in West Dunbartonshire after a pupil set a laptop alight, following a TikTok trend for short-circuiting the devices.
Luckily the fire was contained and didn’t spread to a pile of nearby Kindles.
#jokedump
An ostrich escaped from a fenced enclosure at an animal themed cafe in Thailand, and ran along a busy highway.
It was later returned to its owner after being caught by a Coyote using a giant anvil, and an ACME Rocket Sled.
#jokedump
The Artemis II mission was nearly scrapped while orbiting the Earth on Friday when the toilet stopped working.
The world held its breath, which is nothing compared to what the crew had to hold.
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Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is crafting an interactive AI version of himself to connect with staff, by training an avatar with his image, voice, and mannerisms.
Employees that have tested it say it is just like him, only more human.
#jokedump
An activist, and member of Canada's Parliament, announced that the new acceptable term for the gay community is MMIGS2SLLGBTQQIA+.
Which is not just a mouth full to say, it is also a very bad hand at Scrabble
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A Scots Reform candidate grew up in a castle which has links to Shakespeare’s Macbeth.
So Nigel Farage better watch his back!
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A Scots Reform candidate claims to know about the tourism industry because he 'grew up in a castle'.
By that token King Charles must be a regular Thomas Cook
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A man has won an original Pablo Picasso painting worth more than €1m.
He is said to be as happy as a dog with two tails, a cubic head, and both its eyes on the same side of its face.
#jokedump
The Curling Rock League aims to bring the energy of professional wrestling and electric atmosphere of darts to the rink with teams having ‘walk-on’ music.
Scotland could have “Cold as Ice”, Switzerland, “Slip sliding Away”, and Canada “Invisible Touch”.
#jokedump
Mark Zuckerberg has hinted that layoffs at Facebook are coming due to AI.
There was a time when the only AI you got on Facebook was the noise you made when you saw the photos of your friend's wife in her bikini on holiday… Ay… Aye!
#jokedump
The SNP has said it will deliver a “revolution in childcare”.
I still remember when a revolution in childcare meant an extra push on the park roundabout.
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The government has said new laws will make it easier to cancel subscriptions and get refunds for unwanted auto-renewals.
Which is bad news for teenage Babestations fans, but good news for their parents.
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The government has said new laws will make it easier to cancel subscriptions and get refunds for unwanted auto-renewals.
Which is great news for those of us who are still paying those exorbitant Tuffty Club Fees.
#jokedump
A hungry pup sprinted to victory in Musselburgh's annual Corgi Derby, spurred on to the finish line by the promise of a hot dog.
However, he was very disappointed to find it was only a sausage, and not a sexy young mate.
#jokedump
Proposals to turn a former south of Scotland pub into a family home have been approved, after developers successfully argued that two other pubs were "more than adequate" provision for the town, so long as Paul Gascoigne doesn’t move there.
#jokedump
Trump and Israel threatened to destroy Iran's infrastructure such as railways and power plants.
The Islamic Republic finally backed down when they realised it meant they were going to put Nigel Farage in charge.
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The boss of the group that owns John Lewis was handed a 21% increase in basic wage last year.
You know what they say, “never knowingly under paid”.
#jokedump
Ringo Starr has revealed that he stays young and fresh by consuming lots of broccoli.
If John Lennon was still here, I bet he would tell him to “give peas a chance”.
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Caribbean Airlines confirmed a passenger on a flight from Jamaica to New York gave birth just as the flight was landing at John F. Kennedy Airport.
ICE agents were called as the new arrival had no passport, no offer of employment, and refused to answer any questions.
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The growing popularity of weight loss jabs is expected to increase Britain’s divorce rate, as people shed pounds of unwanted fat, by getting rid of their partners.
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Scotland has recorded its warmest temperatures of the year, just two days after Storm Dave brought snow to parts of the country.
The Met Office describes this as Pizza Weather, all Four Seasons in one.
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A man has been arrested on suspicion of theft after about £200,000 raised towards a scouts trip to Canada was stolen.
The Police believe it was an inside Bob-A-Job.
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A 300‑million‑year‑old fossil, previously thought to be the oldest octopus fossil, has been identified as a different animal.
It was originally thought to be a She/Her, but has turned out to be a They/Them.
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Alex Cole-Hamilton believes his party can win seats directly from the SNP at the Holyrood election.
All they have to do is listen very carefully for when the music stops, and sit down ever so fast.
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Billionaire donates £190m to Cambridge University to create a school of government to train future political leaders. The world is running out of fuel, we can’t feed everyone, and the next pandemic is just round the corner, that’s what we need, more Boris Johnsons.
#jokedump
Weather Presenter Carol Kirkwood has left the BBC of her own accord this week, although there is a rumour The Mirror may be threatening to publish a story that, in 1987, she once failed to return a library book on time.
#jokedump
Mr Benn is set for a live action remake on the big screen. In the original TV show each week he would dress up in a different costume like Cowboy, a uniform for a Zoo Keeper or animal skins for a Caveman… he was a one man Village People tribute act.
#jokedump
Scientists think they’ve cracked the secret to a great cup of coffee.
It’s finding someone else to make it for you.
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The number of divorcing couples fighting over finances has hit a 15-year high.
And by a strange coincidence, expensive car sales to solicitors have also risen.
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Mr Benn is set for a live action remake, from the writer and director of I Swear.
Look out for the scene where he walks into the Fancy Dress Shop and, “as if by magic a f*****g shopkeeper appears”
#jokedump
