Mozart is an anxious boy at night and jumps up onto the bed to be little spoon.
But his fat-free body is all fluff and bones so cuddling him is like hugging a tricycle in a garbage bag.
Feb 25, 2021
#retwitter
I've never had a soup dumpling before but I'm worried. What if there's a leek in one?
Jan 3, 2021
#retwitter
I just went through my dresser and found a pair of shorts I owned in 7th grade that still fits. 17 years later.
My secret: Be a fat child.
Nov 24, 2020
#retwitter
Simultaneous orgasms?
Or Syner-jizzm?
Oct 9, 2020
#retwitter
Turned off the back porch light because I'll be damned if I'm gonna let a bunch of bugs throw a fuck fest all night on my dime
Sept 23, 2020
#retwitter
Me: I've started doing hyper-bara chamber therapy.
Them: Don't you mean hyperBARIC chamber therapy?
Me: No. *opens metal hatch revealing incredibly hung musclechub wolves*
Sept 9, 2020
#retwitter
What my dog tells me when he profusely licks my face when get home from the store: I love you! I missed you! I love you!
What my dog tells me when he profusely licks the condensation-covered gallon of milk I just brought in: Yay, I love sweat!
July 9, 2020
#retwitter
A toaster is a slot machine but you win toast
July 2nd, 2020
#retwitter
Man, popular media has such a negative connotation with masturbation even though solo play is the only way you develop the skills and expertise to prepare you for co-op mode and team-based events.
May 14, 2020
#retwitter
At the beginning of every shift now, one of the managers screens us for COVID 19 with some questions and an infrared thermometer check.
A series of awkward questions followed by someone checking to see how hot I am. Just like a night at the bar.
May 4, 2020
#retwitter
You ever find your mind start to wander to NSFW things at work and you have to snap your mask elastic against your face to shock yourself out of the boner?
Jul 28, 2020
#retwitter
Reflecting that I wouldn't be able to see my friends like I thought I would at cons this year, so I deliberately went and commissioned some raunchy furry art that I knew would press their buttons.
It's a weird love language.
July 24, 2020
#retwitter
Furry bios be like:
"I like video games, hiking, cooking, BDSM, and warm hugs"
May 5, 2020
#retwitter
My finest work...
Apr 26, 2020
#retwitter
You ever stop and wonder who the ghost hands were in their past life? Like, is it that big belly vorefur getting felt up by the spirit of George Washington?
Mar 10, 2020
#retwitter
Nick Wilde looking disgusted.
My face when [ @shilohcorgsky.bsky.social ] farts in the car.
Feb 19, 2020
#retwitter
Some of you out there eating ass but turning your nose up at coffee and I'm, like, drink better coffee, yeesh
Feb 18, 2020
#retwitter
Need to get a programmable soundboard for my nightstand so I can add cartoon sound effects and musical cues to sex
Feb 17, 2020
#retwitter
I like ordering chicken salad sandwiches but there should be a rule that you don't put tomato slices in them.
The water from the tomato runs and drips out and you end up with mayonnaise precum all over the table.
Feb 9, 2020
#retwitter
Handling for a friend who got drunk in fursuit and watching him get in a fight with another drunk fursuiter in the lobby is the closest I'll ever get to being a Pokemon trainer
6:41 PM · Dec 9, 2019
#retwitter
Manick: Growing up, my mom LOVED liver and onions, so I love the *smell* of liver and onions but I can't STAND the flavor.
Arc: Yeah, Irony.
10:08 PM · Dec 4, 2019
#retwitter
I was playing Mario Kart with some friends a few days ago and I realized that the only difference between 2019 me and 2009 me in that moment was the fursuiter getting wanded on the bean bag chair a few feet away.
4:21 PM · Nov 5, 2019
#retwitter
This guy in the bathroom stall next to mine has the same shoes as me but older and dirtier and I'm afraid to flush and leave because I don't want to accidentally run into my future self
7:58 PM · Oct 29, 2019
#retwitter
