Panel 1: INT. Abandoned Warehouse — Night Mike and Skam stand in front of stacked cages of captured graffiti/street artists. Skam: This is it, the bootlicker bros’ base of operations. Mike: We gotta get them out of here. Panel 2: Close-up on a caged artist. They look weak and tired. Artist: Skam! You came for us! Mike: (OP) Skrode came too. Panel 3: Skam is furiously typing on a control panel as Mike watches in amazement. Skam: They all must’ve gone to get some McBubble Guts. If I can bypass the central server... Mike: You’re like a god damn super hero. I think I’m gonna come again. Panel 4: The rebooted Buff Bot bursts through the wall, its eyes glowing red. SFX: KRAK-THOOOM Buff Bot: INTRUDERS DETECTED. LIBERATION OVERRIDDEN. Panel 5: The Buff Bot lunges, arms unfolding. Skam: (OP) Keep it busy, Skrode. I’m almost there. Panel 6: Close-up of Mike pulling out a dick sticker from his pocket. Panel 7: Mike leaps over the Buff Bot like Spider-Man leaping through Dr. Octopus’s arms and slaps a dick sticker with a Darth Vader helmet instead of a head on the Buff Bot’s chest. SFX: THWAP Mike: Suck on my Dong Vader! Panel 8: The Buff Bot saws and flames itself, trying to buff the sticker on its chest. SFX: KRRRRR EERRRRNNNGGGHH WHOOOSH Buff Bot: CRUDE ART DETECTED. INITIATING SELF BUFF... OVERRIDE... ERROR! Panel 9: EXT. Abandoned Warehouse — Night All the freed artists pour out of the warehouse. Buff Bot: (OP) SELF DESTRUCTION IMMINENT. Panel 10: Mike grins at Skam with his mask pulled up over his face. The warehouse explodes behind them. Mike: You know, Skam, sometimes a good dick pic is all you need.

Skrode Returns (4/4): Dick Knight Rises
#webcomics #comics #spiderbarks

Panel 1: EXT. CITY STREETS — NIGHT Mike finishes an absurdly huge dick tag, much bigger than before. Mike: Bigger the dick. Bigger the bait. Panel 2: The Buff Bot emerges, arms unfolding. Buff Bot: PREDICTED VANDALISM CONFIRMED. INITIATING BUFF. Mike: Now! Panel 3: Skam steps out from behind cover and hurls a Molotov cocktail. SFX: FWOOOOSH Panel 4: The bottle explodes against the Buff Bot’s chest. Flames everywhere. SFX: KRASHK-FSSHHHH Panel 5: The Buff Bot stands there, slightly charred but fully operational. Buff Bot: THERMAL INTERFERENCE NOTED. CONTINUING OPERATION. Mike: (OP) That’s not good. Panel 6: Skam leaps in swinging a spiked bat. The Buff Bot counters with his buzz saw arm. Sparks fly. SFX: SKRRRRRRK Panel 7: During the clash, the Buff Bot pressure-washer blasts Skam point-blank, launching him backward. SFX: WHRRRKSSSHHHHRAAAM Panel 8: Skam, pissed, slams his bat into the Buff Bot’s TV head: the screen cracks and glitches. SFX: KRACK Panel 9: The Buff Bot freezes. Screen glitches. Mike: Holy shit… we did it? Buff Bot: PROCESSING… PROCESS…Mike: Skam: No. We bought maybe a minute. It’s rebooting. Mike: So what you’re saying is... it's flaccid?

Skrode Returns (3/4): Cocked & Loaded
#webcomics #comics #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Skam’s Hideout — Skam watches Mike gaze around wide-eyed. Skam: (cutting him off, casual) You’ve got talent, man. I love your work, but there’s… a lot you don’t know. Panel 2: Close-up on Skam. Skam: It all started when the city hired some dipshit AI tech bro company… Panel 3: FLASHBACK. Corporate Office. Robotic technicians in sunglasses and headsets work on tablets with the Buff Bot hooked up to computers. Caption: …to rid the city of graffiti. That’s when they unleashed the Buff Bot 3000. Panel 4: The Buff Bot towers over a few scared street artists. Caption: It uses an AI algorithm to detect and predict graffiti anywhere within city limits. In a few days, it buffed everything. Panel 5: The Buff Bot carries away a tagger hanging from its claw. Caption: Then it got greedy… started snatchin’ up artists, lockin’ them up, and compiling all their data for some sick master snitch plan. Panel 6: Back in Skam’s hideout, Skam leans forward, pointing at a wall map of the city. Skam: All the regulars are gone. Toys and posers packed their shit and quit. It’s just me… and now you. Panel 7: Close-up on Skam. Skam: I know this city like the back of my hand. But I need your help, Skrode. We have to take down the Buff Bot and free the homies before this AI fascism locks the whole city down. Panel 8: Skam and Mike lock hands in an arm-wrestle handshake (like Dutch & Dillon in Predator). Mike: Alright. Let’s cock this robot to hell! Skam: Or… we could maybe just blow it up or something.

Skrode Returns (2/4): Buff Bot Rising
#comics #webcomics #spiderbarks

Panel 1: EXT. City Streets — Night Mike stands in the street, wearing a ski mask and shaking a can of spray paint. Mike: Yeah boyeee! Skrode is back, and I’m finna cock the world. Panel 2: Mike stops mid-shake, scanning the empty street. The wall is pristine and bare. Mike: Kinda weird how quiet it is… and this wall? Wide open like this? Panel 3: Mike sprays a giant dick on the wall. SFX: SSSSSSHHHHH Mike: More room for my cockery! Panel 4: A TV-headed Robot stands at the corner, scanning Mike like a predator. Buff Bot: ILLEGAL ART DETECTED. INITIATING BUFF. Panel 5: Mike freezes as the robot flies down the sidewalk toward him. Skam: (OP, shouting) Dude, move! Panel 6: Skam lunges out of nowhere, tackling Mike out of the way just as the robot sweeps past. Skam: Get down! Mike: AHHHHHH! Panel 7: Silhouettes of Mike and Skam sprinting across the street as the robot attacks the graffiti-covered wall. Smoke and sparks fly. Panel 8: Both watch the robot obliterate Mike’s giant dick tag with multiple robot arms, each armed with a pressure washer, spinning buzzsaw, flamethrower, and rolling scrub brush. Mike: Wait... why is he touching my dick?

Skrode Returns (1/4): Dick Knight
#webcomics #comics #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Fuel & Flask — Night GSA tackles Santa to the floor as he gags violently, half-choking, half-dry heaving. GSA: I told you about sayin’ the Lord’s name in vain! Santa: HHHHURK Panel 2: GSA is on top of Santa, beating the hell out of him. Santa is panicked. Santa: I give up! I’m done! I’m DONE! Panel 3: Officer Brogan stands with his gun drawn. Officer Brogan: Alright, bro. Drop it. Panel 4: Officer Brogan leads Santa out in cuffs. Santa: Get me away from that shit volcano! Panel 5: The GSA stands proudly, fists gripped in excitement. GSA: It’s a Christmas miracle! Panel 6: Mike helps Jason up off the ground. Mike: Let’s go, wiener boy, before she hits the pulpit. Panel 7: Jason waddles out, pants visibly ruined, with Mike beside him, disgusted. The GSA smiles at them. GSA: Happy birthday! Panel 8: Mike pauses with a small, heartfelt smile. Mike: Merry Christmas.

Ho-Ho-Hostage (4/4): Silent But Deadly Night
#webcomics #comics #spiderbarks

Panel 1: Int. Fuel & Flask—Night Jason sits on the floor, sweaty and bloated, forcing another hot dog toward his mouth. Santa looms over Jason, disgusted and baffled. Mike: (OP) Sorry to break it to you, but Xmas is just pure consumerism. Santa: Are you seriously still eating those tubes of puréed cow dicks? GSA: (OP) You should feel blessed to share a birthday with our heavenly Father. Panel 2: Mike and the GSA argue at the counter, hands still up. Mike: Please. Xmas is capitalism in a Santa hat. Santa: (OP) I swear to god, if you shit your pants in here… Panel 3: GSA stands with arms crossed, unimpressed. Mike continues his rant. Mike: (OP) That’s why you’re stuck here, and your boss isn’t. GSA: You are a sad, sad little boy. Panel 4: Jason unleashes another violent fart. Santa is in full panic mode. SFX: BBBRRRRAAAAPPP Santa: … I can’t breathe in here. GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN MONEY. Panel 5: GSA, furious, leans over towards Santa with her fist up. GSA: Say the Lord’s name in vain again, I’ll slap the Christmas spirit clean into your skull. Panel 6: A full panel, stylized onomatopoeia ass explosion. SFX: BWOOOORPGGGT! Panel 7: Jason is keeled over in front of the hot dog roller, pants… loaded. Santa: (OP) JESUS FUCKIN’ CHRIST! Panel 8: GSA charges at the gagging Santa with her fists up in the air. GSA: That was the last one!

Ho-Ho-Hostage (3/4): Wrath of the Wiener #webcomics #spiderbarks

My Merry Birthday is almost here! 🎄🎂 Best gift? Click #spiderbarks and share one of my comics. Appreciate you all! 😘

Panel 1: INT. Fuel & Flask—Night Red and blue lights flicker through the windows. Everyone has their hands up, except Jason, who’s already halfway through another hot dog. Santa: Damn, they got here fast. Must’ve thought you were a white lady. Panel 2: The Gas Station Attendant is offended. GSA: You oughta be ashamed, robbin’ folks on Christmas Eve dressed like that. Mike: Who cares? Try being robbed of your birthday each Xmas. Panel 3: Santa snaps back at Mike as Jason contiues eating hot dogs in the background. Santa: Oh, you think you've got it bad? Ever been shit on by a toddler? Twice? Panel 4: Santa’s rant continues. Santa: Then puke on her mom ‘cause you can’t handle the smell of human shit… and get fired?! On Christmas Eve?! Panel 5: Santa spins, pointing the gun at Jason, who freezes with a hot dogs in both of his hands. Santa: I said NOBODY MOVES! Jason: (mouth full) MMPH! Panel 6: Santa leans in towards Jason. Santa: Do you even know what those are made of? It’s all lips and assholes, man. Panel 7: Jason clutches his stomach. Jason: Uh... GSA: (OP) Oh lord. Mike: (OP) Dude. No. Panel 8: Jason unleashes a massive, wet fart. Santa recoils. SFX: PPPPBBBBRRRRTTTT Santa: GOD—DAMNIT! Panel 9: Jason is bent over, gripping his stomach. Santa gags violently and struggles not to vomit. GSA and Mike cover their noses, horrified. GSA: Lord… forgive him for that unholy act. Mike: (under breath) Happy birthday… to me.

Ho-Ho-Hostage (2/4): Gas Leak
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: EXT. Fuel & Flask — Night A chain gas station building, windows filled with ads. Mike: (OP) I swear, I hate Xmas so much. December birthdays are a scam. Jason: (OP) Dude, I just want a hot dog. Then you can get back to your Christmas Eve spank fest. Panel 2: INT. Fuel & Flask Jason stands in front of the hot dog roller, holding metal tongs. Mike stands beside him mid-rant. Mike: And don’t even get me started on the corporate cash-grab bullshit. GSA: (OP) Did you just say Xmas? Panel 3: The gas station attendant stands, annoyed, with her hands on her hips. Mike: Yeah, so? GSA: It’s CHRISTMAS, the birth of little baby Jesus. Jason: (OP) Here we go. Panel 4: Mike and the GSA continue arguing as a mall Santa, enters the gas station. Mike: You know Christianity didn’t invent the whole ‘virgin birth messiah’ trope, right? GSA: Them are fightin’ words. Panel 5: Santa pulls a gun. Santa: EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND EMPTY THE REGISTER! Panel 6: They all stand with their hands up, and Jason has a hot dog hanging out of his mouth. GSA: You’re disrespectin’ the Lord! Mike: It’s shorthand, not a hate crime. Panel 7: Santa yells at the gas station attendant. Santa: Come on, open the register! GSA: It won’t open unless you buy something. Panel 8: The gas station attendant stands angrily with her hands on her hips, staring at the Santa. Santa: Jesus Christ!

Ho-Ho-Hostage (1/4): Xmas Beef
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Cerebra Offices—Day Dr. Bill reviews his notes as Mike continues his story. Mike: So yeah… you could say peas wrecked my life. Dr. Bill: Hmmm Panel 2: FLASHBACK: EXT Mike’s neighborhood—Night Mike walks home in the rain, slumped and depressed. Caption: Every step home reminded me that peas had ruined everything. Panel 3: INT. Mike’s Bedroom—Night Mike hoists himself through his bedroom window, dripping water all over the window seal. Caption: My world was a puddle, and I was sinking, so I slipped inside like a soggy ninja. Panel 4: He lands on his bed, soaked and miserable. His parents stand in the doorway, arms crossed. Mom: We saw the security footage, Michael! Dad: And if you think I’m mad about that Exorcist vomit shit at dinner, how pissed do you think I am about this?! Panel 5: Close-up of Mike’s sad face. Mom: (OP) You’re grounded for the rest of the year, and you can kiss Christmas goodbye. Caption: Did I mention I hate Xmas too? Panel 6: INT. Cerebra Offices—Day (Back to the present) Mike covers his face in disappointment. Dr. Bill: So… you’re still holding onto all this… because of peas? Mike: You just don’t get it, do you? Panel 7: Dr. Bill reaches over with a bowl of packaged snacks. Dr. Bill: Now that you’ve aired it all out… maybe a healthy snack will help. Mike: Those aren’t… wasabi peas, are they?

Plate of Misery (5/5): The Last Pea #webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Cerebra Office—Day Mike slouches on the couch. Mike: It was over, Bill. The perfect plan. No peas. No problem. Dr. Bill: (OP) And yet, clearly, there was a problem. Panel 2: FLASHBACK: INT. Dining Room—Night Mike freezes at the dinner table, staring at the pile of peas his mom pours on his plate. Mom: Weirdest thing. The pantry peas were gone, and Star-Mart was completely sold out. So I borrowed some from the Hendersons. Caption: No matter what I did… the peas found their way to my plate. Panel 3: Close-up of Mike’s face as his spoon trembles in his hand. Mom: (OP) If you want to make the dance… Dad: (OP) …Eat up. Caption: That’s when I knew the universe fuckin’ hated me. Panel 4: Mike attempts to swallow the peas whole, chugging his milk. SFX: GLUG GLUG GLUG Mom: (OP) What are you… Caption: I just wanted one dance. One shot. So I swallowed those damn peas whole. Panel 5: Explosive projectile vomit shoots across the table—milk and peas everywhere. SFX: BLUUUUUURGH Mom: (screaming) Michael! Panel 6: INT. Mike’s Bedroom—Night Mike sulks on his bed. Mom: (OP) You’re grounded! No dance, no TV, no nothing! Caption: The peas always win. Panel 7: Mike slips out of his bedroom window, determined. Caption: I didn’t rob a grocery store, choke down a pile of peas, and puke my guts out for nothing. I was going to that god damn dance. Panel 8: EXT. School Gym—Night Mike stands there as Jenny leaves the gym laughing hand-in-hand with a tall older kid. Caption: And just like that… the universe doubled down. Panel 9: Back to Dr. Bill’s office. Dr. Bill takes notes as Mike leans over, annoyed. Dr. Bill: So… she left with her boyfriend? Mike: Her ex-boyfriend. Dr. Bill: Not anymore. Mike: You’re a dick, Bill.

Plate of Misery (4/5): The Aftertaste
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Cerebra Offices—Day. Mike: We waited until midnight. Steven had the keys, and I had… destiny. Dr. Bill: Sounds to me like you’re describing a felony. Panel 2: EXT. Star-Mart—Night. Mike and Steven stand in front of Star-Mart’s side door dressed in makeshift spy gear. Caption: I did what I had to do. Steven: Are you sure about this? Mike: Tonight we change the course of human suffering. And tomorrow, maybe second base. Panel 3: INT. Star-Mart—Night. Mike stands, holding open his hand-drawn map to Steven. Caption: It was a plan born of desperation… Mike: Operation Fuck Peas is underway. Steven: You need medication. Panel 4: Mike and Steven grab shopping carts from the front of the store. We can see shadows in a window in the background, along with muffled giggling. Caption: …And pure teenage lust. Mike: I’ll take the canned, you get the frozen. We’ll divide, conquer, and meet in the back. Panel 5: Mike and Steven freeze, staring at the shadows behind the window. They are clearly undressing. Steven: What the fuck? They’re still here? Mike: Chill, dude, destiny’s working for us. Stick to the plan. Panel 6: Canned vegetables aisle. Mike stands in front of a wall of canned peas. Caption: This was war, and I wasn’t taking any prisoners. Mike: Behold the green menace. I’m going to murder every single one of you bastards. Panel 7: Mike starts dumping the peas into the shopping cart. Mike: Nothing will come between us, Jenny. Not parents, not God, not legumes. Panel 8: Steven pushes his cart full of frozen pea bags, and it lets out a loud squeak. SFX: SQUEEEAK Manager: (OP) Did you hear that? Steven: Abort! Abort! They’re coming! Panel 9: EXT. Star-Mart Back Lot—Night The boys crash through the emergency exit—siren blaring. Peas explode everywhere. SFX: CRRRASH! WAAAAAOOOONNNNG! WAAAAAOOOONNNNG! Panel 10: INT. Back to Dr. Bill's office. Dr. Bill looks up from his notepad. Dr. Bill: I’m starting to think your real problem isn’t peas… It’s your judgment.

Plate of Misery (3/5): Mission Improbable
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: INT. Cerebra Offices—Day. Mike fidgets with a pencil on the couch. Mike: I realized if I tossed the pantry peas, she'd just buy more. So I hatched a plan, a pea heist. Dr. Bill: You realize how insane that sounds, right? Panel 2: FLASHBACK: INT. Middle School—Day. Mike walks with Steven down the hall. Steven: Why not just tell her you hate peas? Mike: She doesn’t give a shit, dude. She gets off on watching me suffer. Panel 3: Mid-shot. Steven frowns. Steven: But you’re talking about committing a crime. Mike: I’m talking about Jenny Lark. She said she’d slow dance with me on Friday. I’m not missing that. Panel 4: In front of Mike’s locker. They stop, Mike’s desperate. Mike: I need your help. I’ll never be able to eat those peas… and I’ll never get my hands on Jenny’s hips. Panel 5: Steven shrugs, reluctant. Steven: Fine. But if we get caught, I’m gonna shank you in juvie. Panel 6: Mike holds out a hand-drawn map of Star-Mart. Mike: I got it all mapped out. Your mom clocks out Thursday. We snag her keys, get inside, and we clear the shelves. Steven: She passes out on the couch after a few Jack and Cokes. Should be easy to lift. Panel 7: INT. Back to Dr. Bill's office. Dr. Bill leans forward. Dr. Bill: So you recruited your best friend to steal his mother’s work keys so you wouldn’t have to eat vegetables? Panel 8: Mike snaps back from the couch. Mike: It wasn’t about the peas, Bill. It was about Jenny Lark’s hips. Dr. Bill: I've treated addicts, arsonists, and a kid who ate drywall... but weaponizing friendship for a pelvic acquisition? That’s new.

Plate of Misery (2/5): Green Ops
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Panel 1: EXT. Cerebra Offices—Day. Mike (OP): I hate the holidays. Travel, fake smiles, family guilt trips… but mostly, I hate the peas. Dr. Bill (OP): The peas? Mike (OP): Yeah. The little green bastards. Panel 2: INT. Mike slouches on the couch, arms crossed. Dr. Bill (OP): You're saying your mom still makes you eat them? Mike: Every year. She piles them like she's testing me. Panel 3: Close-up of Mike. Mike: You think I'm overreacting, don't you? Dr. Bill (OP): A little, yeah. Panel 4: Wide shot. Mike leans forward, dead serious. Mike: You wanna know why I hate peas so much? Dr. Bill: I'm billing you either way... so sure. Panel 5: FLASHBACK: INT. Dinner table—Night. Young Mike looks at his plate. His mom barks at him as his dad hides behind a newspaper. Mom: Michael, you're not leaving this table until that plate's clean. Young Mike: But they taste like dirt and death! Caption: It started when I was thirteen. Dad: Then eat them faster before they kill you. Panel 6: Close-up on plate (Young Mike's POV). A large pile of peas is on the plate. He gags dramatically, like he's dying. Caption: I tried to be strong. I really did. Mike (OP): Huuurgghh Mom (OP): Jesus Michael! They're peas, not poison! Panel 7: Mike's mom wags her finger at him. Mom: Every night’s a war with you. You want to go to that dance Friday? You clean that plate all week. Caption: The dance. Jenny Lark. Slow song. Destiny. I had to find another way. Panel 8: INT. Back to Dr. Bill's office. Mike sits back on the couch with his arms crossed. Mike: So yeah, maybe, I've got baggage. Dr. Bill (OP): Over peas? Mike: Don't you dare minimize this! Dr. Bill (OP): Trauma’s what keeps this office in business.

Plate of Misery (1/5): PeaTSD
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

An 8-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: EXT. Riley’s backyard. Murder Face stares at his glowing phone screen and Steve’s body is tied to a chair is in the background. Caption: Content has been removed due to violating community guidelines. Murder Face: I offered the algorithm a blood sacrifice, and this is how it thanks me?! Panel 2: INT. Riley’s kitchen. She holds a half-eaten slice of pizza. Riley: You didn’t read the fine print before selling your soul, did you? Panel 3: EXT. Silhouette of Murder Face is pacing; Riley is on the phone. Murder Face: They can’t silence creators like this! Riley: (on phone) You filmed a murder in 4K. Murder Face: It was educational content! I tagged it DIY! Panel 4: INT. Front door. Officer Brogan kicks in the front door with his gun drawn, a GoPro on his head, and his phone recording. SFX: BOOOOM Brogan: My patriotism was tingling, so me and my audience are here to rescue you, white lady! Panel 5: EXT. Murder Face is filming again. Riley: (OP) Backyard. Engagement’s bleeding out. Murder Face: I am the voice of the voiceless! I will not be silenced! Panel 6: Brogan’s live stream frame. We see Brogan through his YouTube frame with the channel logo in the bottom corner. Brogan: This is your bro, Officer Brogan, coming to you live from Merica’s Finest! Panel 7: Brogan holds his phone up for a close-up confessional. Brogan: Remember kids, justice is violent and terrifying, and this badge is a get out of jail free card. Panel 8: EXT. Back porch/back yard. Brogan charges through the back sliding door, gun firing in the air (Yosemite Sam style). Murder Face climbs the back fence while Riley watches from the kitchen window. Brogan: 50,000 likes and I’ll shoot this guy in the dick! Patreon members get the full unedited footage before the courts!

SCREAMish (4/4): Terms & Severance
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

An eight-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: EXT. Riley’s backyard. Murder Face stands over a tied-up “boyfriend” (Steve), filming on his phone. Murder Face: You should’ve come out, Riley! The algorithm demands a sacrifice! Steve: Bro, I just came for a study group. Panel 2: INT. Riley’s kitchen. Riley, looking out over the sink and out the kitchen window still holding her phone. Riley: Who is that even? Panel 3: EXT. Murder Face, indignant. Murder Face: Big guy, football jacket… Steve, your boyfriend, right? Riley (on phone): He’s not my boyfriend, we have theatre together. Panel 4: EXT. Murder Face, raising a phone like a ceremonial dagger. Murder Face: The gods don’t care! Sacrifice is sacrifice! Panel 5: INT. Riley smirks. Riley: Good luck getting views. October’s flooded with content. Panel 6: EXT. Murder Face freezes. Murder Face: Wait… this isn’t original? Panel 7: INT. Riley holds a slice of half-eaten pizza, smirking. Riley: Welcome to content creation. Panel 8: EXT. WIDE SHOT from Riley’s kitchen window. Through the glass, we see Murder Face on the porch, surrounded by ring lights. Steve remains tied to a chair while Murder Face rehearses poses. Riley: All that for… digital hearts?

SCREAMish (3/4): Sacrificial Content
#webcomic #comicsky #spiderbarks

An eight-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: INT. Riley’s kitchen. She’s holding a slice of pizza. Murder Face: (on phone) You haven’t answered my question. What’s your favorite social media? Panel 2: EXT. Murder Face in the shadows, phone to his ear. Riley: (on phone) Why are you doing this? Murder Face: Because I don’t know how algorithms work! Panel 3: INT. Riley stands in front of the kitchen counter and a pizza box. Riley: Nobody does. Panel 4: EXT. Murder Face, clenches a fist, and getting worked up. Murder Face: It’s impossible to build a following! To get seen! To matter! Panel 5: INT. Riley furrows her eyebrows about to take a bite of her pizza. Riley: Not unless you sell your soul to the social media gods. Panel 6: EXT. Murder Face freezes, intrigued. Murder Face: I can sell my soul? Does that actually work? Panel 7: Riley lowers her pizza slice, annoyed. Riley: Do you really think all those tryhard simps can actually pay their rent… by twerking on TikTok? Panel 8: EXT. Murder Face twerks on the back porch. Murder Face: Come out on the back porch and help me film this.

SCREAMish (2/4): Feed the Beast
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

A nine-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: EXT. Riley’s House—night. The Phone rings. SFX: BRRIIIING Panel 2: INT. Riley’s House. Riley stands in the kitchen, pulling a slice of pizza from the box. Murder Face: (on phone) Hello, Riley. Riley: If this is about solar panels, stick to your SUS social media ads and don’t call me again. Panel 3: Riley holds a single pepperoni with some cheese stuck to it up to her mouth. Murder Face: No solar panels tonight… I promise. But maybe you’ll play a little game with me... Panel 4: EXT. Murder Face is on his phone in the shadows. Murder Face: What’s your favorite social media? Riley: (on phone) Sigh. Panel 5: Murder Face tilts his head, curious. Murder Face: Twitter? Riley: (on phone) Eww. That dumpster fire’s a mental asylum where nazis jerk each other off all day. Panel 6: INT. Riley is about to eat her pizza. Murder Face: (on phone) Instagram? Riley: So I can stay in touch with my uncle, who was radicalized by a fascist meme factory? Pfff. Panel 7: Riley eats her pizza. Murder Face: (phone) TikTok? Riley: Please. I don’t want to watch horny ADHD teens twerking for Chinese spyware. Panel 8: EXT. Murder Face stops, frustrated. Murder Face: Jesus… do you like any of them? Truth Social? Panel 9: Riley screams into her phone out in front of her as bits of pizza fly out of her mouth. Riley: Shut your mouth before I gut you like a fish!

SCREAMish (1/4): Unsolicited Murder
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Mike stands behind the tool room cage half-door, coffee in hand. Rubble leans on the other side, listening. Mike: It’s still September, right? Panel 2: Rubble gives him a funny look. Rubble: Uh... yeah. Panel 3: Mike leans in closer. Mike: It's ridiculous... stores have already ditched Halloween. Panel 4: Rubble raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. Mike: (OP) Skeletons, witches, pumpkins... all of it, gone. Rubble: And? Panel 5: Mike is quickly annoyed. Mike: And Christmas is already taking over. October hasn't even started, and they’re stealing it from us. Again. Every goddamn year! Panel 6: Rubble shifts his focus to his cellphone. Rubble: I guess retail’s kinda insane. Panel 7: Mike stares at him, grim. Mike: Insane? No. A coordinated attack!

Tinsel Terror
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Podcast studio. Jon and Kim sit behind mics. Jon: Welcome to Nightmare on a Podcast. Today’s guest… the one and only Murder Face. Kim: Thanks so much for being here. Panel 2: Murder Face leans toward the mic. Murder Face: Yeah, totally. I had some teenagers to mutilate, but… I'm a big fan. Glad to be here. Panel 3: Jon smirks, flipping through a few notes. Jon: So let’s say it, people think you’re a Ghostface ripoff. Mask. Voice. Phone calls. The whole vibe. Panel 4: Murder Face just stares. No reaction. Kim: (OP) We’re not judging… just… y’know… Panel 5: Murder Face tilts his head slightly. Still staring. Still silent. Kim: (OP) ...similarities are… hard to ignore. Panel 6: Jon and Kim are visibly annoyed and fake their enthusiasm. Jon: I mean, we get it. The genre’s crowded. Kim: Super crowded. You totally make it your own, though, and that’s dope. Panel 7: Close on Murder Face. Cold. Flat. Murder Face: Have you ever felt a knife cut through human flesh… and scrape the bone beneath?

Nightmare On a Podcast featuring Jon and Kim from @nofspodcast.bsky.social
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

An eight-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Candy Dan speaks at the Slasher Support Group as Riley sits, annoyed in the background. Candy Dan: Used to be, they trembled at the sound of my voice. These days, they point their phones, livestream, chase views, and monetize. Panel 2: Pick Axe leans forward, annoyed. Pick Axe: I chased a guy for eight blocks. Then he stops and asks if I was part of some TikTok stunt. Panel 3: Buddy holds a phone, looking at it. Buddy: I tried livestreaming a kill once. The comments just said “Mid.” One guy asked for feet. Panel 4: Pleatherface grunts as Dr. Bill extends a hand on his shoulder to offer comfort. Pleatherface: MMMRRGHH Dr. Bill: Yes, Pleatherface. We can all agree that content creation is the new horror. Panel 5: Medium shot of Riley. She’s lighting a cigarette. Murder Face: (OP) They don’t even run anymore… they just strike a pose. Panel 6: Riley snaps upright, annoyed. Riley: Jesus Christ! Am I the guest speaker, or just the live audience for this whiny bitchfest? Panel 7: Dr. Bill addresses Riley as Murder Face, and Michael Stabbers sits in the background. Dr. Bill: Riley, feeling unseen is valid… and that fear can be an absolute monster. Panel 8: Riley sits with her arms crossed and her cigarette raised. Riley: PFFF… You want scary? Try paying rent.

Back In My Bloodbath
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

Internet Slang #tbt #webcomics #spiderbarks

A six-panel Spider Barks webcomic. Panel 1:Wide shot. Dr. Bill stands in the center of a circle of chairs of the Slasher Support Group members: Pick Axe, Pleatherface, and Buddy. Dr. Bill: Today, we have a special guest--a certified final girl. She’s here to share her survival story… and hopefully help with your recovery process. Panel 2: Riley sits off to the side with her arms crossed, unimpressed. Dr. Bill: (OP) Let’s give Riley a warm welcome. Riley: This better count as community service. Panel 3: Murder Face, leans forward. Murder Face: Wait… you’re Riley? Pine Creek Massacre, right? You turned a fire poker into a throat kebab, pinning a guy to the cabin wall. That was… beautiful. Riley: Dude was trying to eat my face. Panel 4: Dr. Bill turns to Riley, hands awkwardly clasped, while Riley slouches in her seat. Dr. Bill: So, Riley… what were your biggest survival challenges? Panel 5: Close-up of Riley. Riley: Running in Converse. Panel 6: Murder Face turns to Dr. Bill. Murder Face: Just to be clear… are we allowed to kill her at the end, or is this, like… a boundaries thing?

Final Girl, Interrupted
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Empty Stalls #tbt #comics #webcomics #spiderbarks

A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Wide-shot—morning meeting in the conference room. Jason stands confidently at the front. Jason: Corporate wants a refresher, so I volunteered to make up for my screw-up… and drive Doug batshit crazy. Panel 2: Jason points to a dry erase board with a drawing of a plain vest with a check mark above it and the “I ❤️ Penis” tank top with a giant X. Jason: Today's topic is dress code, specifically the fine line between “uniform compliance” and “sexual harassment via rhinestone.” Panel 3: Doug sits with arms crossed. Jason: (OP) Remember, if your prank gets HR involved and the other guy looks fabulous, that’s a solid fail. Panel 4: The new hire raises her hand. New Hire: What if the fabulous person wants to keep the tank top? Panel 5: Jason holds up the tank top in question. Jason: The powers that be says no… and my nipples agree. Panel 6: Jason walks over and hands the tank top to Doug. Jason: Doug, you clearly care about fashion, so I want you to keep this. Panel 7: Doug holds the tank top gritting his teeth. The rest of the room is cracking up. Jason: Anyway, that concludes my presentation. I look forward to seeing you all at Doug’s harassment seminar next week.

Low Wages, High Stakes (5/5): Dress Coded
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Join Mike and company as they embark on shenanigans blending horror satire, offbeat humor, and societal decay. #spiderbarks

A four-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Jason and Mike walk through a gym. Jason is pumped up and talking to strangers Jason: Save some of those for me, bro. Mike: Why are you talking like that? Panel 2: Mike is clearly annoyed with Jason. Jason: What do you mean? That's how us gym bros talk. Mike: You just signed up and this is your first visit. Panel 3: Jason flexes for Mike as some gym rat lifts with a duck face in the foreground. Jason: Gotta hustle for that muscle. Mike: Please stop. Panel 4: Jason continues to flex for Mike. Jason: I need a forklift to pick me up bro cuz I’m finna be stacked. Mike: You have a baby dick, huh?

Gym Life #tbt #webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Close-up of Doug grinning like a goblin while two customers react with shock and laughter to something off-panel. Panel 2: A coworker, mid-task, holding a cardboard box, stops and is stunned. Coworker: What...the...fuck? Panel 3: The night manager comes around the corner and recoils with full-body horror. Manager: Oh my god! What... what is that?! Panel 4: Jason works the sales floor in the hot pink “I❤️ Penis” tank top. Nearby coworkers and customers watch, with a mixture of emotions. Jason: Doug said this was the new uniform... Panel 5: Jason turns casually toward the commotion, still working and totally unfazed. Jason: ...and he’s a department manager. Who am I to argue with authority? Panel 6: Jason cups a hand to his mouth and calls across the store, the other hand tugging at the too-small tank top. Jason: Hey Doug! When you buy me clothes, check my size first! Panel 7: Jason rubs his nipples, calling out to Doug. Jason: My nips are suffocating!

Low Wages, High Stakes (4/5): Tanked Up
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A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Jason and the new hire walk down a hallway. Jason: Lunch is over, now to pretend we haven’t completely checked out. Panel 2: Jason opens his locker mid-sentence. Jason: I gotta grab my vest and then… Panel 3: Close-up. Jason holds up a sparkly hot pink tank top that reads, “I ❤️ Penis.” It’s wrinkled. Panel 4: Jason casually shows it to the new hire. She stares. Jason: You think this screams team player? New Hire: Wow. Panel 5: Cut to Doug peeking around the corner with a villainous grin. He’s watching this unfold with satisfaction. Panel 6: Jason turns to the new hire. Jason: Doug’s either trying to get me fired… or he’s flirting. Panel 7: Jason casually calls out, holding up the tank top. Jason: Honestly, Doug, I’d respect it more if you’d just ask me out.

Low Wages, High Stakes (3/5): No Vest for the Wicked

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A seven-panel Spider Barks comic. Panel 1: Break room. Doug bursts in mid-tantrum, red-faced and yelling. Doug: Oh, you think you’re funny?! Enjoy unemployment, jackass! Panel 2: Doug points an angry finger at Jason, who is completely unbothered, on a table with a drink in hand. Doug: Just so you know, this is all going on record. HR’s gonna hear every damn word. You’re gonna regret making me look stupid! Panel 3: Jason, still calm, casually holds out a manila folder. Jason: Cool, cool. While you’re there, can you drop this off? Panel 4: Doug opens the folder, his eyes narrowing as he reads the first page. Doug: A psych... eval... request? Panel 5: Jason: Yeah. Management’s already reviewing their copy. Panel 6: Doug is looking at the folder’s contents. Jason: It’s signed by… well, most of us. Panel 7: Jason looks at Doug. Jason: Yours is the last one we needed.

Low Wages, High Stakes (2/5): Administrative Assault
#webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks