The body wants what it wants. And in the case of my body, it's to poop in my own toilet. Don't get me wrong--I love Canada, I love my family, and I love the holidays--but I'm indescribably happy to finally be back home. Thus ends Tripocalypse 2023. #tpoc2023

Skyrocketing to the top of the Shitty Airport Experiences power rankings is flying to the US out of Toronto Pearson! Top-tier performances in the fields of inconvenience, confusion, and overall discomfort. #tpoc2023

Who up with crippling PTSD from having their elderly father drive them to the airport hotel? #tpoc2023

My father is currently cursing a blue streak because the kids got Kinetic Sand all over the carpet in the rec room. What did you think was gonna happen when you bought that gift for them? This one's on YOU, old man. #tpoc2023

Vacation poop finally unlocked. #tpoc2023

SO. Both kids are sick (coughy, sniffly, snotty) and now I've picked up something that's made my voice sound like a cross between Bobcat Goldthwaite and Wayland Flowers' puppet Madame. Happy effin' holidays, I'm making myself a drink. #tpoc2023

omfg y'all, my dad has a modern digital cable set-top box connected to an old-assed analog TV in the basement and he's trying to read the tiny text on the heavily interlaced, color bleeding and mismatched aspect ratio display and he says, "I have to go get my glasses". I'm screaming. #tpoc2023

A picture of a wooden frame enclosing an area of grass in the local park with a sign reading "DANGER - Due to thin ice, keep off". There is no ice.

Not even cold enough in my hometown to flood the neighborhood rink. Local kids in shambles. #tpoc2023

Look, it's mall food and not really meant to be good, and it's my podunk hometown, but holy shit, the audacity to call shredded mozzarella in a tortilla that wasn't even warmed enough to melt the cheese a "quesadilla" just beggars all belief #tpoc2023

A glass and a bottle of wine with a label reading "Bodacious Sweet Red"

We made it. We finally made it. You're damn right I'm getting drunk on my parents' dime. #tpoc2023

We're nearly two hours into this flight and there has not been a single announcement from the cockpit. I'm starting to wonder if this plane even has a pilot. #tpoc2023

The best thing about flying with kids during the holidays is that everyone else is doing the same, so the probability that your children are going to be the worst behaved on the flight is lower. 🙌 #tpoc2023

Flying internationally five days before Christmas with two kids under the age of six? If anything qualifies for the #Tripocalypse label, this must surely be it. #tpoc2023