President Trump told reporters today that the United States has seized a Venezuelan oil tanker as a result of Pete Hegseth’s court-ordered anger management therapy.
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Scientists Unsure Why Image of Thick Breadstick Inches From Gaping Donut is 'Way Hotter Than It Should Be' 'I can’t drive past a Dunkin' Donuts or Olive Garden without getting a half-chub.'

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Trump Furious After George Santos Enters Women's Horse-Riding Competition 'This Is a Clear Assault on Women, I Would Know,' Says Trump

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‘Daddy Drought’ Hits Gay Community as Aging Millennials Grapple With Rising Cost of Sugar Babies Would-Be Daddy's Lack Means to Penetrate Gay Sugar Baby Market

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Trump Declares 'Sabotage' After United Nations Restroom Leaves 'Tiny Penis Imprint' On His Face Aides Try to Wipe It Off, Accidentally Create ‘Facial Effect’

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Satan Starting to Pull Trump Downward See new posts first and unlock more stories: become a FREE or paid subscriber👇

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Ghost Furious He’s Being Summoned as a Night Light to Check if Pizza Rolls Are Done Local ghost Elias Whittaker is furious after being summoned not to terrify mortals, but to perform trivial chores instead.

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Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10 ‘Now It Doesn’t Matter Either Way,” President Says With Shrug

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Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10 ‘Now It Doesn’t Matter Either Way,” President Says With Shrug

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Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’ ‘Common Folk Have No Idea How Hard It Is To Move Huge Sums of Money’

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Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse "Yes, again,” officials confirm.

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Oldest Known Pubic Hair Found in Antarctic Ice Believed to Be God’s Vatican Confirms Authenticity of 'Divine Pubic Hair'

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‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods

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Trump Tells Uninsured Seniors to Feed Severed Limbs to Pets After Fireworks Injuries New “Fingers for Fido” Plan Offers Post-Medicare Solution for Elderly Americans

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Supreme Court Rules Trump Can Amend Constitution by Yelling at It “If the Constitution were a woman, I wouldn’t touch it. I’d get a younger one. A hotter one.” - President Trump

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Lindsey Graham’s 33-Hour Filibuster Against Nationwide Porn Ban Gets Sweaty, Weird A bill proposed by Utah Senator Mike Lee that would ban pornography nationwide hit an unexpected and strange wall of opposition today.

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