Another day at work to interact and play with dogs.

Haha, living the good life.

#newjob #ohiolife

Fuck TERFS 🖕🏼

( ID: An image of a tan and white Jack Russel Terrier, staring at the camera. He's wearing a birthday hat with the words "Happy Birthday" above his head. )

And hey, I think I might finally get into photography. It's always something that has called out to me.

Thank you, Pabu.

I know there's still so much work left to do, and I'm willing to put in the miles.

Over all, I guess this is just me rambling about my life.

I'm quite emotional right now, but it's okay.

I'm going to be okay.

I can even walk around without someone making sexual comments about what I'm wearing.

After so long, I'm finally free.

Pabu gave me this gift of freedom. He lead me to my Fiancée and got us out of Florida. We're safe and free.

But I'm nervous, considering my reaction time isn't the best and I have seizures.

It's the little things that most young adults got to do growing up, that I never got to...

This is my second chance at life.

I'm finally allowed to dress how I want. To sing and dance off key.

It's taken a little bit to stand on my own two feet and figure out how to be an adult, after 14 years of someone keeping me under their boot.

But I know how to pay bills now. How a bank account works. I'm even thinking about learning how to drive.

It's painful, but I know that eventually...my heart will open up again and I'll welcome a new little friend in.

At my new job, I'm opening up to the people and learning so much.

I know it's not an insult to Pabu's memory. He was my soul dog. My best friend. A son that I held most dear to my heart.

And whatever dog I get, I can bring with me to work. So they won't be at home by themselves.

I'm finally somewhere safe. I have a new job as a "Kennel Tech" and I get to be around so many lovely, and rambunctious dogs/cats all day. It brings me some sense of peace.

My Fiancée has gently approached us getting another dog, but keeps reminding me that "Only when you're ready.."

It was just a "band aid" that was slowly failing.

But it's okay. I was able to say my last goodbye to him, and finally escape Florida. To move to a new home, and begin my life over a new.

Which I know was gift from him. He protected me with everything he had.

At 5:24pm on February 2nd, he took his final breath.

I remember how he lay curled up, in his baby blanket. He looked so tired. I didn't want to let him go. But I had to. He was done and hurting so much. None of the medicine was working.

- I guess after that he spat the out in my hand when they were loose ), his old lamb cop toys and his ashes.

All I have left of him are pictures, videos, some fur, his old baby teeth ( when he was a puppy he saw he collecting one of the baby teeth got stuck in his old chew toys after they fell out naturally and -

There are so few things in this world that I hold dear to my heart, and he was one I loved with every fiber of my being. I loved that precious boy endlessly. Pabu was my best friend. He walked through so much with me.

It took a lot of strength, but I allowed myself to cry and feel that urge to reach for him...where he should be. Sitting on my lap and cuddling against me. Even now as I type this up, the tears won't stop falling.

Now, before anyone gets on me about purposely pulling at those "scabs" - for me, if I don't face those traumatic feelings, I will continue to ignore them until they burst forth on their own. And considering how bad my mental health could get due, I'd prefer to just face it head on.

I was in the middle of scrolling the internet and felt a tug somewhere in my chest, and this time I didn't resist it. It was time to sit with those feelings. They demanded to be felt.

I put on, "Eternity" by Alex Warren - The very song that played the night that Pabu took his final breath.

After my Fiancée went to sleep, ( she has a cold and took medicine to knock herself out ) so I felt comfortable enough to relax without fear of waking her up. The poor thing sleeps so lightly, but with the medicine I knew she'd sleep deeply for once.

( ID: An image of a smiling woman, with her long dark hair billowing in the breeze as she holds a camera. )

A bit of a life update, since it's been a minute..

"Healing isn't linear." Those words keep ringing in my head.

I'm well aware of those old wounds can reopen at a moments notice. Last night was proof of that.

#ohio #newjob #healingjourney #grief #loss #thepabutag #fuckcancer #ventingspace

I think we should start assembling guillotines outside government buildings and our elected officials homes.

You know, as incentive for those MF's to actually fix shit. Or you know, consequences.

#punksky #eattherich

I’m actually not going to get ‘left behind’ by not using AI because I can already read and write on my own thanks.

#fuckgenerativeai #antiai

( ID: Tumblr user fidelcostco: ppl without meds: wow…. i can't imagine being dependent on medicine... pills every day? injecting myself every week? how tragic ppl who need meds: holy fuck they invented the solution to my problem and i literally just need to take magic tiny rocks and inject some substance every week. oh my god. i get to feel better in literally any capacity. holy shit Tumblr user fidelcostco: ppl who need meds but can't access them/meds for their thing don't exist yet: holy fuck I wish I had tiny magic rocks or injectable substance or cream or gel or potion or implant to take at whatever rate necessary to fix my problem. I'd kill to take that every day/week/etc forever if it would fix my thing )

Every time someone's like, "You're fine taking antidepressants? I'd hate being dependent..." I always come back with what if someone told a diabetic they're "dependent" on insulin keeping them alive?

#mentallyillsky #medicine

( ID: Tumblr user jakeperalta: not using AI genuinely feels like the rest of the world is experiencing some kind of mass amnesia. if someone says they never use it, the immediate response is that can't be true because "everyone" uses it to write their emails or answer their questions. saw a comment suggesting that not using chatgpt to write an essay is "like the 90s". girl I graduated in 2021 and we weren't doing that! how is it that everyone has suddenly forgotten that they were entirely capable of doing these things all by themselves for their entire lives up until the past few years!! am I going crazy!!! )

I do not use AI because I value actually knowing how to do things myself, learning new skills, and trusting myself over the hallucinations of fancy auto-complete.

#fuckgenerativeai #fuckai #antiai

( ID: Tumblr user shkspr: idk what other disabled person needs to hear this but if you need someone to do something for you that would be very difficult for you to do but very easy for them to do, that is a small favor. you dont have to feel gratitude and guilt at scale based on how hard it would be for you to do it disabledly Tumblr user shkspr: also a more general point: you dont have to feel guilty when people do things for you. if someone is offering, or if you ask and they say yes, that means they want to do it. if for some reason they are pretending to be okay with it, that is not your fault, it is theirs. this goes for things you are incapable of doing, things that would be difficult for you to do, and even things that you could do without difficulty. even if youre not disabled. if someone cares about you they should be willing to help you out in the ways that they are able to. )

And for gods sake don’t put yourself down when asking. You can state your needs without also calling yourself “useless garbage.”

#disabledsky #disabilitysky #chronicallyillsky #chronicpainsky

Fae vibes

( ID: An image of Medusa, staring angrily at the camera. Text overlaid on the image reads as: "It was 62 million VIEWS not -- " I will remove your still beating heart and eat it in front of you. )

None of them deserve peace.

#currentevents #pissedtfoff

Life was so much easier when I was just a teenager in the psych ward.

#depression #bpd

Just learned about a group created to teach other men how to drug and assault Women.

Currently, all men are on thin fucking ice.

I want names. Unmask them all.

This is absolutely sickening.

None of you MF's deserve an ounce of peace.

#currentevents

I forgot that my pale ass was not built for sun exposure.

I'm meant for the dark, and creepy.

Sunburns hurt. I'm quickly learning how much my skin can and can't handle.

#newjob #ohiolife #sunburnt