( ID: An image of a smiling woman, with her long dark hair billowing in the breeze as she holds a camera. )
A bit of a life update, since it's been a minute..
"Healing isn't linear." Those words keep ringing in my head.
I'm well aware of those old wounds can reopen at a moments notice. Last night was proof of that.
#ohio #newjob #healingjourney #grief #loss #thepabutag #fuckcancer #ventingspace
( ID: Close-up of a person with wet hair partially covering their intense eyes. Their eyes look crazed, as tears well up in the corners. They have their hands up, half concealing the lower half of their face. )
Update on my migraine..
It turns out that I'm suffering from: "Occipital Neuralgia"
#occipitalneuralgia #tbi #traumaticbraininjury #disabled
#venting #ventingspace #chronicallyill #spoonie #seizure #seizures
( ID: I'm rediscovering the hobbies and interests I discarded over the years, due to mental issues, relationship problems, disabilities flaring up and an overall distaste with who I was becoming at the time. I won't mince words or shirk responsibility over my actions in the past - I was a deeply damaged and unwell person. I can never make up for the shit that I've done in the past, because most of the people that I hurt over the years never wish to talk to me ever again. All I can do is move forward and keep healing so I don't continue those toxic patterns or hurt anyone else. Maybe I can change for the better. Be someone that other's can actually rely on… Currently, I'm working on my writing and trying to teach myself how to draw. It's been slow going, due to health issues and carpal tunnel. My hands don't always want to work correctly, and my mental issues constantly cause problems - but those are excuses. I know that. I'm trying not to lean into that. If something distracts me from my work, it's my job to get back on track - but without proper meds it seems almost impossible. Those chaotic thoughts are a racing train, threatening to jump off the track… It's bothersome. But I am trying - that should count for something. I wonder, if this new life will be something wonderful.. Soon, things will be different. I'm not going to explain fully, because "moving in the shadows" has been a consistent thing that popped up so for once I'm leaning into that. When things are settled, I'll post and explain what happened and where I am. For now, I'm okay and trying to work through my grief. I'm okay. Things are…better. I hope you're all doing well. It's time for a fresh start. )
( ID: Cozy, cluttered bedroom with unmade bed, glowing lamp, scattered books, and open laptop. Text reads: "I spent half of my life in my room.." )
Life update, as I work through things...
#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #depression #ventingspace #venting #disabled #bipolar
( ID: Life has been presenting itself many avenues. I feel stuck, unable to make a decision. Is it fatigue? Or am I just terrified that I might choose wrong and be trapped in another Hell of my own making.. 14 years of my life were spent like that and I don't wish to return to it. I'm frustrated that I have a chance at something - a better life. But once more find my voice stolen and chains draped over my shoulders. I don't enjoy feeling this way. It's suffocating. The anxiety over the simple decisions. Choices that will either make or break my world feel as though I'm fighting off a great beast with a broken weapon. I just want to be able to live my life. To enjoy the world that I was robbed of for so many years… How can I do that when every decision feels like a knife slicing through my heel? The fear tears through my chest and I am left shaking on the ground. Tears spilling down my cheeks.. I'm tired. )
Why..
#bpd #poetry #ventingspace #venting #depression #borderlinerpersonalitydisorder
Blurry hands typing fast on a keyboard, conveying a sense of speed and urgency. The keys are slightly out of focus due to motion blur.
I just want to be insane in peace and that’s what my internet diary is for...
#bpd #bipolar #depression #ventingspace
