#cptsd

What emotions I experience come in uncontrolled waves; not there when I need them most and painfully present when I don't.

#cptsd

The really telling difference is the mask; my mask breaks all the time, I now stutter and from my perspective lose the ability to speak coherently and confidently.

I think about the past me, a person seemingly capable of controlling their emotions or at least suppress them enough to exist.

Now it all kind of blurs together in a haze; if not happier, the past me was calmer, and more in control.

#cptsd.

#cptsd

I wish everything wasn't such a terror and pain filled struggle.

Rinse. Reset. Repeat.

Life is easier when my #canoe paddle touches the water and I'm propelled away from the shore. Like I'm metaphorically no longer available to the rest of reality until I get out, I am #safe and my #shame and #trauma cannot find me.

It's also nice to have that in a partner @tippy3880.bsky.social

#canoe #notadivorceboat first time out paddling with @tippy3880.bsky.social in a canoe.

#oops #marriage

I collect bones, mostly skulls, from animals that have passed naturally. I come across these bones while kayaking/canoeing down my local river system, quicksand lines the river banks so injured or aged animals often become trapped and expire. I collect my specimens weeks later.

Train over the Colorado River in Columbus Texas YouTube video by Chad Brown

www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4Wi... #coloradorivertx #columbusloop #columbustx Finally caught a #train crossing the river, the #kayak turned into a drum and the reverb off the water under the bridge was intense.

@tippy3880.bsky.social and I have been playing the crap out of #hytale, almost daily, it improves on #minecraft in every conceivable way save for a few - the quality of life updates alone are worth it, but then there's a ton of design/creative options and a vast array of new blocks/types, variation!

Another #extrajudicialkilling in Minnesota, more empty maneuvering from Dems - no progress. Now that the #paramilitary force #trump put into place knows they can kill indiscriminately, even when it's recorded, things are crumbling quickly.

#brazosriver #nature #kayak #cthulhu

Local river is low, enjoyed a short paddle.

Sometimes these trees and their reflections look like otherworldly alien terrors beyond mortal comprehension.

#kayak #canoe #paddling #nature #caddolake

Winter weather at Caddo Lake; the one and only 'natural' lake in the state of Texas (rest are artificial). This is my banana boat, which is a cheap old town 120 from a rental business that's seen a lot of arses. Built like a tank, reliable & tough.

We are doomed with Schumer at the helm, he's the perfect stooge to play his part as the US becomes a fascist police state.

@schumer.senate.gov Hey the presidential admin of the US is sharing Nazi slogans, orchestrating violence in the streets, and bragging about the insurrection act and martial law - wtf are you doing? Where is the opposition party? Are you going to gain a seat or two come next election? What elections?

@schumer.senate.gov @democrats.org You need to completely disown ICE and create a massive campaign to press prosecution of ICE agents, unconditionally. ICE is literally executing people in the street, unchallenged by an admin that supports it. WTF are you doing? Can you do the bare minimum!?!?

#Democrats are about to make the ultimate and last centrist shift for me - any funding of ICE is supporting the rise of #fascism and #nazism in the US. I've sat around watching center-right Dems drag us to our doom in the past half dozen elections, when and where does it stop?

Dems shifted center right in past half dzn elections; gave us citizens united, gave us a supreme court that crippled the civil rights act & reproductive healthcare rights, gave us complicity in funding defense spending used to equip genocide, etc. Are you going to shift center right for #nazis also?

You literally cave on almost every issue and stand on nothing, you're about to cave on DHS funding for ICE - just watch - you're going to gaslight liberals and democrats the entire time because you don't stand for anything, you don't care about anything, you're rich and fat and happy. Typical M.O.

Don't fund ICE, don't be complicit with the rise of Nazism in the US. Stop playing along with fascist, stop handing them our country, start doing something real and actionable - stand up for something.. anything!

Hi - The American government is using a paramilitary force to execute Americans.

Can you actually respond as if you acknowledge that this is the case?

The Dems have been giving blank checks to Trump and have been complicit in their silence.

An extrajudicial execution occurred on recorded video by an agent of the state - which was literally there because Trump is using state sponsored terrorism against citizens of the US.

Your legacy will be your total inaction during the rise of Nazism in the US.

Hey, how many police stations were burned down before they decided to arrest Derek Chauvin?

"Day of unity"?

Looks like appeasement to an authoritarian police state.

What a tepid response to summary execution of an American citizen by essentially the analog of a brown coat; thankfully this time the secret police forgot to wear a mask.

At this point mass civil disobedience is our only logical and ethical resort, even more so after seeing the tepid/silent responses from @schumer.senate.gov the rest.

As a reminder: We are watching historical events play out in #America as our country slides into an authoritarian #fascist #policestate. The silence of the #Democraticparty in the past year has been deafening and hours removed from the public execution of Renee Good - even more so.

#kindkayaker #columbusloop #coloradorivertx #kayak

Led a paddle; hyacinth up around Austin likely was damaged in a freeze and it's flowing down river in giant clumps.

#invasive #nature #kayak #Stubblefield

Stubblefield recreational area is at the northern point of Lake Conroe in TX. This is a type of invasive waterfern from South America that's clogged the waterway up, I'm using my larger heavier boat to cut a path through it.

Remember - clean your boats.

#canoe #kayak #happyholidays #lakewoodlands #kindkayaker

Led a holiday paddle earlier this month, we lit up our boats and paddled around Lake Woodlands Tx.

#kindkayaker #canoe My partner and I's #bestboy, out to paddle down the #coloradorivertx on Christmas day.