Her: "You were #distracted by that big D."
Me: "Happens to the best of us. [Gay friend] would be so proud."
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #GoingThroughTheBigD #DontMeanDallas #DivorceEither #ConsultAPhysicianIfYourDIsBloodRedForLongerThanFourHours #Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
(5/5)
Me: "Wait. WHAT was the category?"
Her: "TED Talks."
Me: "I knew that. I just got so thrown off by the conversation I forgot how we GOT there."
(4/5)
Me: "I don't kink shame size queens, but if you're taking a D that size, you best be doing your kegels. And taking some penicillin, because if the D is that color, he's definitely got SOMETHING spreading like butter."
Her: "Yeah, that wouldn't be good."
(3/?)
Me: "We've been to TED Talks. What was there? A stage, an earpiece microphone, a stool, black backdrop, big T, big E, big D, sne--"
Her: "Some people like the #BigD."
(2/?)
My wife and I were watching #TheFloor. The category was #TEDTalks.
Me: "I don't know how they're going to fill 90 seconds unless it's just people who have given a TED Talk." (It was.)
Her: "I think it's things you see at TED Talks."
(1/?)
No lies detected. #SuperBowl #HalftimeShow #BadBunny #TogetherWeAreAmerica
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
#2A #Minneapolis #ICEOut #StatesRights
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
#Trump: "We have created super high economic growth."
I agree, if you're super high it looks like you've created economic growth.
#WhereDoYouBuyThatShit? #LacedWithShroomsANDPeyote
#Economics #Inflation #Bullshit
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
I hear this question is on the ICE entrance exam.
Just kidding. We all know ICE doesn't have a fucking entrance exam...
#PotatoSalad #Raisins #PeakWhiteness
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
Macho Man Randy Savage was so dominant in the late 80s that every high school graduation since has begun with his ring music.
#Wrestling #MachoMan #RandySavage #IYKYK
A publicity headshot of Steve Guttenberg captioned "I.C.E.: Because why should Steve Guttenberg be the only one who can still find work after going through four different police academies?"
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
I needed a little levity break this evening.
With apologies to #BobcatGoldthwait...
Isn't "La Maison Aux Chouettes" the House of the Owls? Am I going to be checking in with Hedwig?
Even if I could, I don't even know WHERE in the French countryside this place even is...
Has this ever happened to you before? You're practicing your French online and go to look up a phrase and end up booking a romantic room for 2 in a charming chateau in the French countryside on New Year's Eve, which is a great idea, but I can't afford to fly there...
A photo of a bong, with the caption "Coming soon: a right jolly old elf, who ate all the Pringles in spite of himself."
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
#ChristmasCheer #WhereDidThoseCandyCanesGo?
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
#LearningFrench
I have difficulty with Muzzy. Psychologically. Sylvie tells Jean that Corvax has created multiple copies of her, and he never once suggested a threesome. They're not really selling me on the AUTHENTIC French experience...
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner:
#WritersLife #Writing #LifeHack #TryAtYourOwnRisk #NoLiabilityAccepted
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner:
If #bananas is a synonym for "crazy," and #nuts is another synonym for #crazy...
@littlecaesars.bsky.social and I have very different interpretations of #CrazyCrazyBread.
#PizzaPizzaIsStillTheSameThough
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
A little herbally-enhanced ramble...
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner:
substack.com/@confessions...
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Sorry for the delay, I've been doing a lot of writing, and a lot of work, but I'm returning to some intermittent social media work.
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
I'm coming down with a cold.
My nose has more drip than my wardrobe.
If I were almost ANYBODY else, that statement might have some clout.
#FasionImpaired #DressLikeAHobo #ButHeyItsComfortable
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Another skewed take on #Comics and #PopCulture.
Hey, guys, sorry I've been posting less frequently here. I've been working on a lot of longer-form #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner stuff over on Substack. Here's a recent drop, and I have a few more forthcoming:
Thanks for reading, and for the support. It means a lot.
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Smokey is embarrassed as shit. He's trying to convince all his friends that Tokey's only a cousin by marriage, like he's taking PR advice from the #Arkansas bears, for some reason... (3/3)
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Tokey the Bear is a little TOO chill. Forgets what he's supposed to be doing, starts makin' #S'mores. Next thing you know, there's another fuckin' #wildfire in #California, man. (2/3)
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Smokey the Bear IS #CocaineBear. Got that SUPER intense motto: "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." Up in a fire tower doin' rails at 2am to increase his vigilance. Now, I hate to say it, but he's probably a better choice than his California cousin, Tokey. (1/3)
#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Marijuana #Humor #GenX #Legalization #Nonfiction #UnlessTheStatuteOfLimitationsIsStillInEffect #ThenFictionAF
The trade-off for bad things not lasting is that good things don't last, either. Is it worth it?
#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #SayingGoodbye #OwnerOfABrokenHeart #ThePhilosophyOfLoss
