If you want to know more about Pluto, I've written some ex-planetory notes.

#LunchPun

Liz Truss 5' 3" and Donald Trump 6' 3". Seems about right.

Cruel and the Gang

The sea after the Dead Sea is the Autop Sea.

I wasn't arguing, I was providing a learning opportunity.

And, of course, the ratio of a pigs girth to its length is known as the pork pi.

There has been an explosion at the detergent factory.
The walls came down with thickening sud.

The distance at which perfume can be detected is measured in scentimetres.

I asked ChatGPT for an explanation of the ending of series 3 of a program I had been watching. It said there was no date for the release of series 3 as it hadn't been written yet. When I told it that it had, it told me I was mistaken.

My wife sniffed me the other day and said I smelled of Sudocrem and asked why I was using it. I said it was for chaps, and she asked if they were the same chaps who hung out near the pier, and I said no.

There's a Martha Reeves and the Van Dwellers joke in here somewhere.

My secretary used to be up to date on the filing. She took some time out to have liposuction, and now she's got a little behind.

One of David Bowie's best songs was written about Charles Dance's brother, Les.

So, the unemployment rate should be coming down as US citizens take those jobs?
But it's not, is it?

I think the least sympathetic opticians I ever went to was C F Eyecare

Who invented the patent?

#LunchPun

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces.

For example: I'm going to the off licence and I'm scared it will be closed.

I don't know if anyone saw that C4 program last night about a mobile child care unit.
It was real car crèche TV.

I remember when they said the Mini was the smallest car on the road, but that title goes to the one designed by my Grandad's niece Ann Micra.

I think he might approve.

I was walking down the street with my wife the other day when I saw six men beating up Nigel Farage. My wife asked me if I was going to do something to help.
I said no, six should be enough.

Sadly, we will see more of this.

On reflection naming my new cafe, in the Red Light District, after a famous American actress maybe wasn’t a good idea. I’ll have to rename Streep Teas. #LunchPun

My recipe for giant pastry is going to be rolled out across the country.

A new pub just opened near us called The Tattooist.
Went there last night and had a skin full.

What is underestimated is the extent to which those involved enjoy the cruelty. People can be removed from the country more effectively without the suffering. The dehumanisation and suffering are the point. Once the "immigrants" are gone, they'll turn on other minority groups.

I am a man of a certain age. An age where my personal odour is predominantly Sudocrem.

Is reincarnation a preexisting condition?

I had an appointment with a doctor today about my prolapse, but it's been pushed back.

A very eccentric neighbour has said they truly believe in the adage "leave this world the way you came in"

Which probably explains the restraining order their mother got against them

#Lunchpun #RateMyPun