#LunchPun #badjokethursday I once attended the alley at the back of some houses and found a dead tramp surrounded by used, ripped-open tea bags.There were also traces of the stuff in his mouth and I concluded that he had died of a dregs overdose.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday Archaeologists are incredibly excited as they seem to have found evidence of large-scale, prehistoric chest surgery. They plan to create a visitor attraction and call it Thoracic Park.
My mate was attacked by lizards at the zoo!
He's in hospital and his condition... is being
monitored.
#BADjokeThursday #LunchPun
#LunchPun #badjokethursday My friend is an old BA pilot, who does guided tours and lectures at a Twinings factory. Their speciality product is harvested before first light to avoid night moisture settling on it. He then pushes a trolley around to sell Dew Free Tea.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday We've been looking for someone to play the leading role of the Time Lord in his Tardis but British actors were too expensive. In the end we negotiated with a much cheaper Spaniard and got Who for the price of Juan.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday I went to the M16 sports day last Sunday where people were queuing up for the competition to leap over the bloke who provides all the interesting gadgets. Some impatient people were pushing in, so I had to have a word with a few Q jumpers.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday I went to a lovely Scottish restaurant last night that specialises in cooking different types of Jelly Fish and tentacles, caught in a famous river. Their Tay ‘Sting Menu’ was stunning.
An army mate disappeared in London
He was reported missing in Acton
#LunchPun #BadJokeThursday
#LunchPun #badjokethursday Seeing a concert for piano tonight about a man in love who keeps barging clumsily into sea birds.
Knock Tern?
No, a bit more lively than that..
#LunchPun #badjokethursday I’ve been listening to ‘The Smiths’ song about the woman I am going out with and her health and eyesight problems.
Girlfriend with Glaucoma?
No, Heaven knows I’m miserable now!
#LunchPun #badjokethursday Just bought some chocolate from a company where the American female owner insisted on naming the company after her pronouns. The her/she bars are delicious.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday My local butcher offered me a venison carcass that had been chewed on by his dogs. I turned him down as it was a bit Deer.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday When I began my training in the Army it was practice to acknowledge the old Oak tree growing at the entrance to my camp. One day I forgot and the Regimental Sergeant Major really taught me a salute-a-tree lesson.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday I went to a whacky fancy dress party where the theme was ‘cheese’. To show the more zany side of my personality I went as a pack of flat, crisp, and savoury biscuits, but everyone else thought I was crackers.
#LunchPun #badjokethursday I got asked to help with an operation where someone had a sac-like lump in their backside that had fluid in.
Arse cyst?
A bit more than that, I was the surgeon.
Freedom!!!
Cheeti is done! He is gonna quit his job and travel!!! But ...
(Video made on a Quest 3)
#furry #Avali #VRChat #vrcfurry #badjoke #badjokethursday #dadjoke #dadjokes
Where’s the best place to buy a toy dinosaur?
Toysaurus
#Badjokethursday
I was the victim of a hate crime today. They called me the ‘F’ word, I thought how dare they call me a Fulham fan.
#Badjokethursday
I got booed off the stage at the comedy club for doing bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions..
But I'll return.
#BadJokeThursday
Pigs in blankets = the in-laws staying in the spare room.
#BadJokeThursday
I recently passed an exam for catching insects in a cup..
I got a B
#BadJokeThursday
I've been told 12 million times today to stop exaggerating.
#BadJokeThursday
Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde..
Really bad spell of weather.
#BadJokeThursday
When I complained to Amazon about a missing parcel, they asked me to send photographic evidence..
#BadJokeThursday
Apparently there's a mistake in the sentence "The house on is top of a hill", but I can't for the life of me figure out what's wrong with it!
Maybe it's time to move on.
#BadJokeThursday
I heard a speech given from a parade float..
It was a moving performance, to say the least.
#BadJokeThursday
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”..
He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”
#BadJokeThursday
A Dog walks into a Library: Can I have some sausages please
Librarian: This is a library
Dog: *whispers* can I have some sausages, please?
#BadJokeThursday
