I finally know what this was about. It was an addiction not substance abuse although substances were involved it was something harder to diagnose. I was not the addict I was the enabeler a willing participant. I fulled this addiction out of selfishness I allowed it to continue I allowed monsters enter our home on my watch some of those monsters came from me. Addictions hurt people addictions harm the user. Addictions ruin lives of everyone involved If I only knew the 12 steps I could have saved a life It may not be too late She is still using This is a serious post not to be considered an art piece It is an Illustration of my story and my story about batteling addiction and our resposability to show empathy and understanding when confronted with demons no matter how beautiful they may appear on the outside and the inside

Additction
We all suffer from addiction
It can be the most powerful force in Human Nature
More powerful than Faith
More powerful than Love
It doesn’t have to be this way
#ForMyMuse

I have found myself here reading faded children’s books
I can’t believe we have come to this
far perhaps a walk under the moonlight we will find that little star ⭐️
#ForMyMuse

Beginnings
#ForMyMuse

Blood
Sugar
Sex
Magic
everything above
#ForMyMuse

ENGLAND’S DREAMING
#ForMyMuse
Fuck England
Fuck Stonehenge

She does this to me every time. When I get caught in the throughs of the delusions of grandeur she leads me to this place just so I am aware that this is how you remind me of what I really am.
#ForMyMuse

random stroll through the Beaches with Olympus Pen F Gothic Ilford Hp5 plus ID11 1:1 16.5 minutes

I never played games…
because I knew she would always win.
#ForMyMuse

If You Wait For Me I Will Come Back
#ForMyMuse
from not too long ago 2023

Self Portrait 6X6 Resin Coated Paper Negative 6X6 B&W toned fibre based print 1991

The More We Talk About You
The more more I see myself
#ForMyMuse

Self portrait 8X10 Fuji color paper negative on 8X10 enlarger 16X20 RA4 Colour Paper 1991

Pretty Please?
#ForMyMuse

I long to see your scars
I want to make them beautiful
You are a champion a beautiful champion on the inside and the outside ❤️
#ForMyMuse

Another Test
What is the first thing you think of when you see this picture?
No wrong answers
#ForMyMuse

A wooden sculpture and palm plant lit by soft ambient light. A warm reflective tone overall

I feel her presence everywhere I look.
simply opening the curtain releases a ton of emotion everything I have is bathed in a new light.
It’s almost impossible to get anything done, perhaps that’s the purpose.
#ForMyMuse

"Lua" I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off But Julie knows a party at some actor's west side loft Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they'll be gone. When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit. And I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it But me I'm not a gamble you can count on me to split The love I sell you in the evening, by the morning won't exist. You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black You just keep going to the bathroom always say you'll be right back Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad But what's so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag. I've got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane. And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is It was so simple in the moonlight, now it's so complicated It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight So simple in the moonlight

We Had Fun Last Night
A shirt is taped to a window as if to block out the light but the daylight is shining through illuminating a single empty film clip hanging on a shower rod with a bottle of men’s shampoo (French side out) on a shelf suggesting the previous night’s activity
#ForMyMuse

Dried wildflowers poking out of the snow heavily distorted by filters and edits to obscure the image as to illustrate how real emotions must be expressed in person.

I want you here so I can show you the whole picture and tell you in person the whole story so we can move on and make beautiful Art together if not only for us XO (not just on the cheek) 💙
#ForMyMuse

Rollieflex film version of Tiny Thorns Still Scratch Rollie Retro 400 Ilford ID 11 1:1 16 min. Canoscan - to Mac

It’s The Thought That Counts
#ForMyMuse
With the light dusting of snow this morning I felt inspired to
take some shots with the Rollieflex around the neighborhood with nothing in mind other than capturing the moment. At the end of the day It was refreshing to be excited to see what we had captured.

Light meter reading for Rollie 400 Monticito Forest Hill Village Toronto

She was with me today while I took Bruno for a walk I imagined her at home working on her projects while I wandered the streets of Old Montreal taking photos of the fresh fallen snow on the wrought iron balconies.
#ForMyMuse the name has been changed but the focus is the same xo

It was not unheard of find a bag of frozen vegetables wrapped in a tea towel when making the bed the next morning #ForMyMuse #Fibromyalgia (true story)

I put Baby in the corner #ForMyMuse #MyLeasideLife

A picture of a tea toned Cyanotype of a blown glass heart in a shop window with dried forget me not wild flowers enclosed in hand carved wooden frame resting on an artist easel.

The End
There was a time I would say “It’s Not Forever”
She would answer “We got this”

Remember when we were kids and if we had a problem we would say…?
“it’s not the end of the world”
#ForMyMuse wherever she may be.

#ForMyMuse
I listened to this last night and at the end it was like a Bomb went off a Nuclear Love Bomb that is. I’ve spent 3.5 years picking up the pieces and trying to solve the puzzle.
Elizabeth’s recount of addiction and co-dependency was what I was having trouble with understanding. 💙

This little pile of stuff is what remains of the possessions she left behind when moving on probably Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend I discovered October 16 after a prompt from our/her former landlord. Three months prior She was broadcasting on Facebook looking for any good single men in Toronto I figured she must have been successful the math checks out. We met online (POF) I witnessed a similar pile when three months after meeting she, her two cats and 15 year old son moved in with me. I heard through the grapevine she had vacated without notice the apartment we shared for 5 months after our engagement it was going to be the start of a whole new plan, a plan I was unaware did not include me apparently.

No no it’s appreciated I’m constantly exploring the pros and cons of that relationship.
I live in continuous infatuation with the good parts and total denial of the bad. Until I find otherwise it will remain #ForMyMuse example Bruno was her idea.

Bread clip with heart shaped hole making good use of negative space Who Knew?

Lovely collection Rebecca 💙I do the same ongoing theme myself. Here is one of my favourites from
May of 2019 almost a month after meeting my previous #ForMyMuse Spadina Village
Toronto love was in the air and upon the ground apparently

“this can’t be happening”
#ForMyMuse

During the lockdown of 2020 I watched the Kindness Diaries 2 I contemplated the message and jotted down a note on the second of January 2021 on September 7 2022 while on some sort of retreat in New Brunswick I rediscovered the note. It encouraged me to make a cardboard sign simply saying “BRUNO & I TORONTO” 3 days later we arrived and found out we had nothing only to discover we had everything all along.

Bruno at 6:55 am on September 13 2022 getting up to go to work from under The Spadina Bridge where we had spent the past 4 nights unhoused

Bruno finishes his morning breakfast in the dining area of our current home It’s nice to know that with a little work and creativity you can secure a roof over your head and food in your bowl the rest is just gravy and who doesn’t like a little gravy now and then?

It took Bruno and I 3 years and 3 months to get to this day. From waking up under a bridge in midtown Toronto after learning the night before that we have no home, no possessions, no job, no use.
Yet I took my moto and my intellectual toolbox and arrived to where we are now
#ForMyMuse
#MyLeasideLife

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why this name kept popping into my head.
So I did the only thing I could
do I googled it… #ForMyMuse

Message Received
From our morning walk
Found on a trash can outside the LCBO at the Leaside Smart Centre. Just a reminder that no matter where you are physically and mentally that someone is thinking about you.
#ForMyMuse
#MyLeasideLife

I couldn’t bear to leave her outside even after all the damage she had done.
#ForMyMuse

Acknowledging her presence
#ForMyMuse

She is somewhere in this tangled mess
A tortured reminder of what I had left
I can’t remove the fallen dreams of past
Just watch them wither and decay at last.
#ForMyMuse