"Ooh," squeaked #HappyClappyFairy bouncing with #delight. "#Athena is going to be at the bar tonight? Is it a #special occasion? I must ask if I can get a lock of her hair and #frame it..."
#GrumpySwearyFairy sighed. "Another &*$%ing fangirl. She'll be *so* pleased."
#vss265 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"#Once_upon_a_time," The Queen sighed, "I could enjoy a book in peace. What *is* that ungodly #crescendo?"
"Your daughter's," replied #GrumpySwearyFairy, "playing football. She kicked it a bit #wide and it hit Henry right in the &*$%ing #nut-s..."
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"Apologies, Majesties. I should've been here #yesterday, but bandits took my #silver, my horse... everything except my #acoustic guitar and my songs."
"Hide it, or you'll need it surgically #remove-d if #GrumpySwearyFairy finds out," said the King.
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"I love going #native with herdsmen," smiled #HappyClappyFairy. "The way your #breath mists #white in the morning, the sleeping under open stars, the..."
"...dawn #chorus of rotten &*$%ing flatulence after a bean supper," gasped #GrumpySwearyFairy.
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"What," sighed the Queen, "is Henry complaining about now?"
"He's #fractured a tooth biting an #iron #nail the size of his forearm," said #GrumpySwearyFairy. "I told him it'd #beget trouble, but the silly &*$%er said he loved a good French stick."
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"Where's Henry?" asked The Queen.
"The wooden #bower by the #lake, with a princess from the next kingd..." said the maid.
"Oh $#!%," said #GrumpySwearyFairy. "He's going to #whip out his @%$£, light a fart, and turn it into a &*$%ing #furnace!"
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"I've," said the Queen, "zero sympathy. You made a joke about #GrumpySwearyFairy and expect her to not #retaliate?"
"But," wheezed the Earl, "her spell means I've not stopped #laugh-ing for a full #week, and now my testicles ache."
"Oh dear," she grinned.
#vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"I thought," said The Duke, "that this was a cultured evening. #Wine, #cake, that sort of thing. Not a #dragon setting light to a wayward #youth's flatulence."
"That's Prince &*$%ing Henry and Ash to you," said #GrumpySwearyFairy. "Woah, nice one!"
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"I'll show how you can get #mastery of organising a #wild night out! Go #big or go home! Light the #lamp-s and..."
"Don't invite The Oracle at Delphi unless you want to be buying &*$%ing drinks all night," said #GrumpySwearyFairy, sauntering past.
#vss365 #vssmagic #2WordPrompt
"My #dear," said #HappyClappyFairy, "are you drunk again? No way can a #polar bear play the #piano and... oh."
#GrumpySwearyFairy smirked into her pint as HCF's jaw hit the floor.
Isbjørn sat, flexed his claws, and his #sibling picked up the mic.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Henry," said The King, "has asked the maid to sing a #lament and is staring at the #horizon #list-lessly. Do you know...?"
"He's about to have a bowel movement," sighed #GrumpySwearyFairy. "I'll ask the ostler to fetch a &*$%ing #shovel, shall I?"
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"It's a bit #stuffy," beamed #HappyClappyFairy. "like an #akhlut's settled down in the #palace #strong-room. Shall we open a window?"
"It's Henry's &*$%ing cabbage soup," grimaced #GrumpySwearyFairy. "We'd be better off evacuating before he does."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"I'm more," #GrumpySwearyFairy said, "than a little #cynical."
"Why?" asked the traveling salesman.
"Because the last time one of your lot promised the Queen an #amazing #treat, it was a &*$%ing fridge #magnet of Merlin with his arse hanging out."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"You #protest, but from this #spore shall #rise the greatest demon ever! I'll #name him..."
"I suspect," #GrumpySwearyFairy interrupted, "that you'll &*$%ing call it something like Dyspepsius Flatus Maximus."
"You spoil all my fun," moaned Henry.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Well, I did #try to #protect you," said #GrumpySwearyFairy, "but you chose to go ahead and #balter like one-legged man in an arse kicking contest on the dancefloor, so you'll get no &*$%ing #sympathy from me."
Henry winced and clutched his groin.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"You &*$%ers," laughed #GrumpySwearyFairy. "Henry's overeaten #muskmelon, and you told the new footman he might feel the #ebb of a gentle #breeze?"
The servant screamed as he #flew past the third floor window horizontally, propelled by the blast.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"I," he said, "could #point you towards a #hundred #damnable love-#lorn poets who'll never capture your hearts in the wa..."
#GrumpySwearyFairy nudged Merlin. "I'd give up, mate. Euryale and Stheno are just here for a &*$%ing whiskey on the rocks."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt vssMagic
"It's just #uncanny. Who #taught him to #hang like that? Such tight pants, it's #tantamount to a full blown scandal! I swear, it winked at me!"
"Oi, Vlad!" #GrumpySwearyFairy called. "come meet my cousin, she's got some &*$%ing questions for you."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Oh dear," said #HappyClappyFairy sadly. "I think I've offended him."
"I know," said #GrumpySwearyFairy, "you're trying to be #kind, but #zoom-ing in to say the pen's mightier than the #sword, when Lancelot hasn't #slept for three days was always going to be a &*$%ing mistake."
"Your Royal Highnesses," the Master of Ceremonies said, "Ladies! Gentlemen! Let us #celebrate not once, but #twice! Our #Poet Laureate's learned the lyre, please welcome to the #stage..."
"Oh &*$%," said #GrumpySwearyFairy. "He's now a troubadour."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Why's the bar's not &*$%ing #open #yet?" said #GrumpySwearyFairy.
"I think," beamed #HappyClappyFairy, "you mean #duck-ing." She turned to the barman. "Assume your #position my good man, and two beers please!"
"Like &*$% I do. And make it four!"
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"#Upon the gods, woman! #Lycanthropy isn't real. Werewolves don't #exist."
#GrumpySwearyFairy grinned as a paw full of #sharp claws embedded itself in the bar next to the drunk.
"&*$%ing tell that to her."
"Yeth, do," Susan lisped through fangs.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Your #allegation," said Prince Henry, "is #mistake-n. #Beside-s, we all know it wasn't me and..."
"That last fart of yours," said #GrumpySwearyFairy, jumping to the Duchess' rescue, "smelled like $#!& and had the strength of a &*$%ing #typhoon."
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Allow me," he said, "to demonstrate. Behold the #humble #escargot! I shall proceed to make it #two #dimensional and..."
"And if, after you've hammered it flat, that goes in my &*$%ing pint, I'll kick you in the %*!!*©£$," said #GrumpySwearyFairy.
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"This #old #fragment," he said, peering myopically, "appears to hold a most #nefarious #ritual..."
"Merlin," sighed #GrumpySwearyFairy. "It's a bar price list. Have you been taking spending lessons from the Oracle at Delphi, you tight old &*$%ing scrote?"
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssmagic
"My life'sh been shtrange," Merlin slurred. "Lotsh of #crazy #vices, and not much shy...sh...#silence. One of them wash thish shtripper called #Misty who could..."
"Alright," yelled #GrumpySwearyFairy, "That's enough. no more &*$%ing mead for you!"
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
"Votch," he shouted, "me change #form! You vill bevare ze #vampire!"
"You might," #GrumpySwearyFairy said, "#thrill all those girls in diaphanous nighties, Vlad, but that $%!# don't work on me. Here, I'll turn you into a &*$%ing #pumpkin."
"Nooo!"
#vss365 #2WordPrompt #vssMagic
