If I have ANY real hope for alternative energy sources becoming the norm, it's that any and all wars over oil will become defunct. STOP KILLING PEOPLE FOR OIL! Why aren't we past this yet FFS!?!!! 👀 #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Imagine Jesus dying on a cross to teach us that there are often "friends" out there who low-key aren't and will sell you out for a few bits of silver... 👀 #noseriously #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

GARY'S NEW THING:

Gary (12:21pm): Hey!! It's 1 2 2 1!!

Me: 👀...

Gary (12:34pm): Hey!! It's 1 2 3 4!!

Me: 👀 *throws himself into traffic*
#notquitedeadyet #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Imagine showing up to work where YOU haven't been paid in WEEKS to find that the president has sent in a bunch of UNTRAINED FLUNKIES who ARE getting paid to stand around and do nothing... 👀 #ucantmakethisshitup #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Dear Congress,

Okay, here's the deal: If you want me to pay my taxes, I'm gonna need a functioning government before April 15th.

The ball's in your court.

Sincerely,
INFAMOUS me #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

I'll be damned (no pun intended), but it seems the "blue turban" has just entered the chat. What a time to be alive! 🏳️‍🌈 #theAyatollahisgay #blueboy #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Yesterday's Ides of March was THE MOST DISAPPOINTING one yet!!! Oh, the missed opportunity! 👀 #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Remember that war "we won on day 1", but now we're stuck hunting mines for months if not years? Love all this winning. It's so awesome. Oh, wait... No other country wants to help? That's awesome... 👀 #WINNING #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Stubbed my broken pinky toe again about a week ago. The incurring setback is turning out to be even more painful than the original injury... 👀 #notquitedeadyet #ridefast #takechances #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Okay. It was 95°f just a couple hours ago!! WTF is it windy and freezing cold now!?!! What did you people do!!?! Dafuq, y'all!?!!!! 👀🥶 #notquitedeadyet #noseriously #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

I have ALWAYS been an advocate for equality and a supporter of the those who practice the Jewish faith. That said, there's NO DENYING Netanyahu is a MONSTER guilty of MULTIPLE war crimes including GENOCIDE. 👀 #fuckthatputo #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

The republicans told me if I voted for Kamala, inflation would skyrocket and we'd end up at war. Turns out they were right. I voted for Kamala and here we are... 👀 #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Well, if you ever wanted to hold up a bank in West Bloomfield, Michigan this would be your chance! Seriously, though... Fuck these xenophobes... 👀 #loveoneanother #dountoothers #itmatters #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Oh, you think this little kerfuffle in Iran is bad? Just wait 'til Melania get snubbed at the Oscars... 👀 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Okay... So, let me get this straight. Trump replaced Ayatollah Khamenei with another Ayatollah Khamenei? Am I getting this right? 👀 #blesshisheart #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

It might be a good time to remind folks that Bush Jr used 9/11 to create the Homeland Security Agency, taking sweeping steps to spy on American citizens under the guise of a xenophobia that continues to fuel or current state immigration policy 👀 #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #letsbeINFAMOUStogether

Oh... So, Kristi Noem is OUT as Homeland Security Secretary? You don't say... 👀 #ridefast #takechances #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

It needs to be pointed out that every fuqin $ funding Netanyahu's war with Iran is a $ that isn't being spent on programs helping American citizens survive in THIS country. #AmericaFirst my ass. 👀 #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

I'm in charge of the cake for a gender reveal party. So, I got a chocolate cake with blue and pink frosting.

....and now we wait. 👀 #ucantmakethisshitup #noseriously #ijusmadethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

182 days of January and it felt like it would NEVER end. Woke up today and it's 1 month until my birthday. GTFOH!!! Christmas is on the way!!! 👀 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #notquitedeadyet #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

UNPOPULAR OPINION: The middle urinal is the best option. CHOOSE THE MIDDLE URINAL... 👀🍆💦 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Okay, so we're ILLEGALLY liberating the people of Iran. Fine. Got it.

...but WHEN do I get my tariff money back!?!! And we still haven't forgotten about THE EPSTEIN FILES!!! 👀 #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #noseriously #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

How about these data centers using the wealth they're generating to move their operations off planet and into orbit where it's so cold they won't need all our water to operate. Oh, wait... That's Skyet. Right? My bad... 👀 #notquitedeadyet #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Aliens are real, and them tariffs are illegal. So, what comes tomorrow? Anybody care to gander a guess?? 👀 #noseriously #asking4afriend #itsme #immyfriend #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Trump needs to refund us all that tarrif money we've been paying!! I expect a check, and it better be from his personal account!!

CRY HARDER, BITCH!!! 👀 #jussayin #sorrynotsorry #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

My entire inner dialog today is about the supposed existence of people who don't have an inner dialog. #noseriously WTF!?!! 👀 #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

I have never lived a single day of my life w/o allergies. Today Gary suggested I move to Mars, and suddenly it dawned on me that on a spacecraft, I could actually know what it would be like to be allergy free. 👀

Oh, to dream!! #ishouldhavebeenanastronaut #notquitedeadyet #letsbeINFAMOUStogether

Multimillionaire on TV asking me to donate towards saving homeless dogs and cats is so onbrand here in the USofA. Why don't you, the dude with the $$$, donate for me? Thanks... 👀 #murica🇺🇸 #ucantmakethisshitup #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

I've heard it said that children are an inconvenient consequence of love. Well, most of them maybe. All MY favorites are the product of a drunken night filled with frivolity and poor decisions... 👀 #ucantmakethisshitup #ijusmadethisshitup #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong

Okay, fine! The rumors are TRUE! I'll admit it–

I didn't get to watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show b/c I was on the field dresses up as a stand of sugar cane!!!

Fine. There, you have it! Happy? 👀

#myINFAMOUSlife #SuperBowlLX #SuperBowl #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong