As a child, I never would have guessed that the Muppet I'd most closely associate with would be Oscar The Grouch. Yet, here we are!! 🗑👀 #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Me being introverted: I'd love to, but can't. I'm expecting an Amazon delivery... 👀 #noseriously #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Gary: WTF are you building now?
Me: A moon gate.
Gary: WTF is a moon gate??
Me: 👀 Uhm... Google it. #noseriously #thegardensofstfrancisofassisiatsintmaartenhouse #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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When the atheists start siding with the pope, you know someone's fucking shit up pretty badly. The only way the biblical prophecy of the lion laying with the lamb should be possible is if they're both dead. 👀 #notquitedeadyet #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Its simple, you see: two closes makes one open. So, he opened the Strait of Hormuz using simple math... 👀 #noseriously #mathishard #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Kurt Cobain left this world 32yrs ago today. He did not rise 3 days later. So, keep your shit tight. I love you MFs... 🐇👀 #happyeaster #ridefast #takechances #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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If you think "a bunny who lays eggs" is weird, just wait until the subsequent chicks pupate into bunnies. It's all quite messed up and I'm not sure people understand exactly what they're celebrating... 🐇🐣👀 #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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If I have ANY real hope for alternative energy sources becoming the norm, it's that any and all wars over oil will become defunct. STOP KILLING PEOPLE FOR OIL! Why aren't we past this yet FFS!?!!! 👀 #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Imagine Jesus dying on a cross to teach us that there are often "friends" out there who low-key aren't and will sell you out for a few bits of silver... 👀 #noseriously #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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GARY'S NEW THING:
Gary (12:21pm): Hey!! It's 1 2 2 1!!
Me: 👀...
Gary (12:34pm): Hey!! It's 1 2 3 4!!
Me: 👀 *throws himself into traffic*
#notquitedeadyet #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Imagine showing up to work where YOU haven't been paid in WEEKS to find that the president has sent in a bunch of UNTRAINED FLUNKIES who ARE getting paid to stand around and do nothing... 👀 #ucantmakethisshitup #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Dear Congress,
Okay, here's the deal: If you want me to pay my taxes, I'm gonna need a functioning government before April 15th.
The ball's in your court.
Sincerely,
INFAMOUS me #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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I'll be damned (no pun intended), but it seems the "blue turban" has just entered the chat. What a time to be alive! 🏳️🌈 #theAyatollahisgay #blueboy #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Yesterday's Ides of March was THE MOST DISAPPOINTING one yet!!! Oh, the missed opportunity! 👀 #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Stubbed my broken pinky toe again about a week ago. The incurring setback is turning out to be even more painful than the original injury... 👀 #notquitedeadyet #ridefast #takechances #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Okay. It was 95°f just a couple hours ago!! WTF is it windy and freezing cold now!?!! What did you people do!!?! Dafuq, y'all!?!!!! 👀🥶 #notquitedeadyet #noseriously #ucantmakethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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The republicans told me if I voted for Kamala, inflation would skyrocket and we'd end up at war. Turns out they were right. I voted for Kamala and here we are... 👀 #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Well, if you ever wanted to hold up a bank in West Bloomfield, Michigan this would be your chance! Seriously, though... Fuck these xenophobes... 👀 #loveoneanother #dountoothers #itmatters #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Oh, you think this little kerfuffle in Iran is bad? Just wait 'til Melania get snubbed at the Oscars... 👀 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Okay... So, let me get this straight. Trump replaced Ayatollah Khamenei with another Ayatollah Khamenei? Am I getting this right? 👀 #blesshisheart #noseriously #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Oh... So, Kristi Noem is OUT as Homeland Security Secretary? You don't say... 👀 #ridefast #takechances #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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I'm in charge of the cake for a gender reveal party. So, I got a chocolate cake with blue and pink frosting.
....and now we wait. 👀 #ucantmakethisshitup #noseriously #ijusmadethisshitup #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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182 days of January and it felt like it would NEVER end. Woke up today and it's 1 month until my birthday. GTFOH!!! Christmas is on the way!!! 👀 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #notquitedeadyet #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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UNPOPULAR OPINION: The middle urinal is the best option. CHOOSE THE MIDDLE URINAL... 👀🍆💦 #ridefast #takechances #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Aliens are real, and them tariffs are illegal. So, what comes tomorrow? Anybody care to gander a guess?? 👀 #noseriously #asking4afriend #itsme #immyfriend #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Trump needs to refund us all that tarrif money we've been paying!! I expect a check, and it better be from his personal account!!
CRY HARDER, BITCH!!! 👀 #jussayin #sorrynotsorry #notmypresident #fuckthatputo #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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My entire inner dialog today is about the supposed existence of people who don't have an inner dialog. #noseriously WTF!?!! 👀 #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Multimillionaire on TV asking me to donate towards saving homeless dogs and cats is so onbrand here in the USofA. Why don't you, the dude with the $$$, donate for me? Thanks... 👀 #murica🇺🇸 #ucantmakethisshitup #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Okay, fine! The rumors are TRUE! I'll admit it–
I didn't get to watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show b/c I was on the field dresses up as a stand of sugar cane!!!
Fine. There, you have it! Happy? 👀
#myINFAMOUSlife #SuperBowlLX #SuperBowl #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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Okay, I get it. I watched Bad Bunny at the halftime show and it turns out he's not even a real bunny!! It's no wonder some people were so upset! At least Kid Rock is a kid AND a rock!!
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#ridefast #takechances #noseriously #myINFAMOUSlife #imINFAMOUS #letsbeINFAMOUStogether #yerdoinitwrong
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