The NHS is no place for an old white straight male.
#NHSThuglife
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#NHSThugLife
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Three foreground military sorts are waist-deep in a swamp, one an officer, another wielding a clipboard and the third looking particularly bedraggled and miserable before them. In the background, other grunts are just floating heads looking on.
#GoodMorningUK
#NHSThugLife
Reporting for work after a bout of gastroenteritis...
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Stereotypical American doctor with white coat and stethoscope showing X-ray film to a patient in a hospital bed: "Your X-RAY showed a broken rib, but we fixed it with Photoshop."
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Will this suicide scheme the government are working on at the moment give priority to NHS staff?
#AskingForSomeFriends
#NHSThugLife
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Lots of servers in racks, a man stands back to camera with his hands on his head in an exasperated gesture. Caption: "WORKING IN I.T. IS LIKE BEING MARRIED - WHEN IT'S PERFECT THERE'S NO THANKS. WHEN IT GOES WRONG, BOY YOU ARE IN SHIT."
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I HATE the inexactness inherent in NHS management-think.
From the Trust's CEO today:
"Our hospital sites generate waste equivalent to the weight of 21 elephants every month?"
Three questions…
1) African Bush, African Forest or Asian?
2) Male or female?
3) Adult or juvenile?
Or maybe just use kg.
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Photo of a hospital-type building. Caption: "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER. EXCEPT FOR HOSPITALS. HOSPITALS WILL KILL YOU"
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#GoodBrunchingUK
#WorkingSaturday
#NHSThugLife
Another why the F*ck is the server not working Saturday.
My hospital runs Saturday clinics. Hospital IT work Mon-Fri.
Guess who gets the call 8am Saturday...?
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Parchment poster with skull and crossbones: "The beatings will continue until morale improves".
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A 'Snellen-style' eye testing chart with the letters replaced by symbols 'relevant' to dogs, e.g. a bone, cat, ball, food dish etc.
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Every so often I get patients with extreme body odour & some esp. heavy smokers. I really don't want my sense of smell back.
Partly the odour itself, but also the even more foul NHS air-fresheners nurses run around clinic spraying after (sometimes before) the unfortunate one has left.
#NHSThugLife
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^^^NHS-IT^^^
#NHSThugLife
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I think I upset one of the doctors the other day who was trying to rope me into a project by describing clinical research as "Fraud with malpractice insurance".
#SorryNotSorry
#NHSThugLife
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Thanks to the #NHSThugLife I've recently started drinking again after 7977 days 20 hours and 30 minutes.
But don't worry I only drink when alone, not socially. That would be dangeroius.
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Cartoon still.Spongebob Squarepants is looking happy, even jubilant, as he talks to Patrick the starfish. They are surrounded by charred industrial buildings/equipment and in the background we see similar facilities on fire with palls of black smoke. This a metaphorical NHS, not LA.
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Maybe I'll recite some some Coleridge in the waiting area today, induce a few heart attacks, thin out the waiting list a bit...
#NHSThugLife
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Deeply puzzled a patient yesterday by quoting Chaucer...
We're not *all* thick.
#NHSThugLife
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A Velcro patch of the type used to label medical pouches on tactical gear. This one carries the medical advice: "Rub some dirt on it".
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The one good thing out my job is that the median age of my patients is over 70 and occasionally I get - or make - time for a snippet of civilized discourse. Trying to have a proper conversation with my colleagues is like interacting with a bowl of cold porridge.
#NHSThugLife
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Poster with a large picture of a swan walking toward the camera. Text: "Want a New Challenge? RETRAIN AS A SWAN TWO DAY COURSES No previous experience necessary Full Tuition in: • Honking • Gliding serenely • Eating bits of bread • Breaking a man's arm Earn up to £40 working on one of Britain's illustrious waterways Book online at ******" (link removed because it's a load of crap.)
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I had a patient last week with a German name and significant dementia. I needed him to raise his hands and English wasn't cutting it, so I resorted to the German I knew from years of war movies "Hände hoch!".
Not very PC but dammit, it worked.
#NHSThugLife
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Yes, because we are all sitting around doing nothing while we wait for that idiot to sort his shit out.
#NHSThugLife
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A photo of a white strait jacket with lots of buckles and straps. Over it, the words "Today I will wear my white button-down"
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A stereotypical doctor - white coat, stethoscope - is holding an old film x-ray showing it to a patient in a hospital bed. Speech bubble (doctor): "Your X-RAY showed a broken rib, but we fixed it with photoshop".
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A bright yellow Jerry (fuel) can. Stencilled on its side are the words: "It's not waterboarding if it diesel".
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Sign: "All employees must stop crying before returning to work."
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