"Let's pretend these bubbles are people and we're killing them!" - my 4yo daughter
#ShitKidsSay
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Went trick-or-tricking with my niblings. Wore a fluffy Winnie-the-Pooh onesie. Middle nibling (3.5 yo) admired how fluffy it was when my back was turned & started petting what he could reach.
“Why are you petting my backside?”
*in awe* “It’s so fluffy.”
Damn, I can’t argue with that.
#shitkidssay
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Kids are BRUTAL 🤣 #funny #humor #shitkidssay #brutalhonesty
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Today, I was reassured by one of the niblings (why is that the gender neutral term? I feel like we can do better) that they will not place a live rat in their mouth.
Specifically because they have buttholes. That’s it, that’s the whole aversion. Only deterring factor. 🤣🤣
#shitkidssay #whateven
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The Langdon Lemma, age 7: I'm going to Procreate first thing in the morning!
Me: ...
Lemma: ...
Me: Oh! You mean the drawing app!
#ShitKidsSay
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The Langdon Lemma, age 7: I'm going to Procreate first thing in the morning!
Me: ...
Lemma: ...
Me: Oh! You mean the drawing app!
#ShitKidsSay
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My 5yo just grabbed my champagne and drank some. "The blood of God is so yucky!" #Christianity #wine #shitkidssay
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Parenting things that nothing could have prepared me for. We're at the urologist with my 3 year old son. The nurse asks him how he is, and in front of the whole waiting room and everyone, he yells "MY PENIS IS SICK AND IS GONNA FALL OFF."
#ShitKidsSay
#OutOfTheMouthsOfBabes
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Twin A: "Hey Mom! It's a big cock!"
Me: "Beg your pardon?"
Twin B: "A big cock! Look!"
I follow to where they point bouncing in their stroller....
It's a ⏰ 🕍 not a 🐓/🍆... 🤦♀️♊
#MomLife #toddlers #TwinMom #BoyMom #WritingCommunity #bigclock #toddlerlife #shitkidssay
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My wife was changing our 2-year-old and she had fluff on her foot:
Wife: "What's on your foot?"
Daughter: "My toes"
Me: *Pisses myself laughing*
I'm sure I'm supposed to turn this into some philosophical post but, tbh, I just thought it was funny af and wanted to share it #shitkidssay
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Is there anything more intriguing than watching a toddler develop their voice? My 2 year old told me "I'm sexy in my undies" this morning and I can't unheard it #toddlers #toddlerlife #Momlife #shitkidssay
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My poor 4 year old has been constipated and finally went 💩, it was a huge one, she then tells me "it's a big one , it's bigger than my arm" 🤣 she wasn't wrong #parenting #dadlife #shitkidssay #pottytraining
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Me and my wife were talking about how our girls day went, I was telling her how the 4yo kept taking things from the 2yo and I kept having to talk to her about sharing. As we are taking I hear my 2yo tell her sister "don't be a hoe bag" 😂🤣😂🤣 #parenting #winning #shitkidssay
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Whoever is collecting my data has to be very confused. Cause I have an almost 4 year old who just asked to see a tuna… which he told me is a fish 🤣 so now I have multiple searches for tuna fish pictures and videos
#parenting #parentsky #shitkidssay
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My youngest (11) has autism and he said he 'hopes the classroom bully grows up to work in an office.'
#autism #shitkidssay #officelife
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My almost 4 year old just had a full meltdown yelling at me cause there was PASTA in his mac & cheese. I just stood there speechless cause there is no option to make this better
#parenting #momsky #normalizenormal #shitkidssay
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My son came home from preschool and I was napping on the couch. He immediately asked if I was feeling sick and saying they had a surprise for me. No, I was just a little tired and he wasn’t supposed to tell me about my Christmas gift 😂😂 #shitkidssay #parenting
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Me to my 2yo daughter: "we're going to a parade tomorrow"
Her: "Will Santa be there?"
Me: "No, St. Patrick will be there, St. Patrick is the guy who..."
Her: "Talks to Spongebob"
Me: "What? No, he got rid of all the snakes in Ireland"
Her: "I'm gonna get them all back"
#ShitKidsSay
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When your sis threatens to put your mom in a home... only my family. She's only 52. #shitkidssay #nursinghome #old #runaway #begging #funny
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My lill brother & my son (both 14) are hanging out. All I hear is "rectum pocket marbles" in stereo then they crack up #shitkidssay #saveme
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My kid just yelled "Mom when did they start putting the adult toys in this aisle" & held these up for good measure. #funny #shitkidssay #toy
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"He was running so fast, he could feel his heart thumping in his heart" - #shitkidssay
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