they said look at the sunset.
i looked at the sunset. this is me looking at the sunset. 🐾
#DogsOfBluesky #TankWTF #TankTheGolden
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baby me and baby bailey.
between the two of us we had zero brain cells at this point.
we have since upgraded to one.
we share it. it's fine.
#TankWTF #TankTheGolden #BrotherBailey
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BAILEY. BAILEY GET YOUR FACE OFF MY— you know what. post it. just post it. i don't even care anymore.
#TankWTF #TankTheGolden #BrotherBailey
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baby tank.
zero destroyed toys.
zero eaten notebooks.
zero furniture casualties.
i had so much to learn.
i learned all of it.
#TankWTF #TankTheGolden #waybackWednesday
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i told them i lived here.
so i found the exact spot where the sun hits the floor at a 47 degree angle and i have claimed it as my sovereign territory.
bailey is not allowed.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankWTF #TankTheGolden
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120 pages.
College ruled.
It was a good notebook.
The family would later say they should have seen the signs. The signs were there. They were always there.
#TankWTF #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden
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It was an ordinary Wednesday.
The rug was clean. The couch cushions were intact.
And then... Bailey came around the corner.
Nobody knew what he wanted. Nobody ever did.
#TankWTF #DogsOfBluesky #BrotherBailey
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me: arrives
also me 2 minutes later: “i would like to go home.”
they weighed me in front of everyone.
humiliation achieved.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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i guard the house by sitting on soft cushions
and imagining scenarios where i am very brave
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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bailey had a squeaker chicken.
keyword: had.
i’m taking it to the garage for “repairs.”
this is not theft.
this is a noise ordinance enforcement action.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF #BrotherBailey
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wayback wednesday: (1 year ago today)
i used to think this was a normal reaction to seeing yourself in a phone.
i still think that.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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LOOK WHAT KATIE DID TO MY COUSIN DAISY 😭😭😭
she looks like she files complaints at city council meetings
she went from daisy to deborah
she looks like she brought deviled eggs and gossip
#DogsOfBluesky #TankWTF #ChaosCousin
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I asked for a snack.
They handed me a yak milk 2x4.
This seems excessive. I approve.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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i’m holding the ball like a microphone
because i have an announcement:
no.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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This is a premium household.
Why are we doing farm noises indoors?
I didn’t sign up to supervise
two large toddlers
and their lick-based hobbies.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #Roo #TankWTF
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this gorilla is now
an “interactive texture experience.”
for my mouth.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankWTF #TankTheGolden
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something smells
and my face just made a sound you can’t hear
#DogsOfBluesky #TankWTF #TankTheGolden
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live footage of tank using bailey as a decorative traffic cone.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #BrotherBailey #TankWTF
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WAYBACK: first hours in the new habitat.
they do not explore. they do not rest.
they SLURP.
#TankWTF #DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #BrotherBailey
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this meeting could’ve been a text. (it was not.)
we’ll circle back after you open the cheese drawer.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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before you ask:
yes, we’re available for kids’ parties.
no, we will not be sober.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #BrotherBailey #TankWTF
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i have no idea what’s going on but i do feel qualified to lead.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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she’s not “looking” at me.
roo is downloading my thoughts via bluetooth.
i am trying to think in airplane mode.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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presenting: one (1) emotional support sock.
condition: pre-loved. heavily.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF
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this is called “teamwork.”
it’s where we both take the treat and you take the L.
#DogsOfBluesky #TankTheGolden #TankWTF #BrotherBailey
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